just pretend

.22

"Didn't see a lot of you this summer, Andrew," Julian says to me. I straighten out my tie as we walk through the hall to our cafeteria. "Or Aleks in all honesty but our families had tennis practice on Tuesdays."

"I'm surprised my mom didn't participate this summer," I say.

"She would come but not play. Oh one day back in like July, I was dragged to dinner with Angelina, my mom, your mom Robin, and Hannalore."

"Leo— Keanu's mom was with them?"

"Who is Leo?" Julian asks right as we sit at the table. Luckily Keanu hasn't found her way here yet.

"Keanu's brother."

"Oh right."

"Hey," Aleks says sitting down at the table.

"Okay so are you dating that blonde chick?" Talia asks Aleks bluntly.

"Olivia? I- uh no."

"I hate those girls. They wear like no clothes and seem like sluts."

"Talia, you would be the fucking same if you didn't go here," Aleks says sounding annoyed. Maybe he cares about Olivia. "And they're all super nice and not fake."

That's true. I know everyone in Leo's group would die for each other where as Talia and Keanu talk shit on each other constantly.

"Whatcha guys talking about?" Keanu asks plopping down on the seat.

"Olivia and the other girl. What's her name? Starts with an M," Talia says. Immediately Keanu snarls. Why are they so against the other girls. Liv and Mia are the least judgemental, happy people I know. Mia always tells me to shut up if up say something rude because people can express themselves how they want.

"My—Mia," Keanu says. "Oh that bitch is constantly all over Andrew. Like no honey, he's taken."

Aleks gets up and moves to another table with a whole bunch of boys I used to sit with but now I sit with Keanu and her friends.

One of Keanu's other friends, Julia, sits at the table and joins the conversation. "I don't know these people."

"Just some people who don't matter. It's fine."

The rest of lunch is pretty boring. I barely listen.

I sit staring at the wall realizing how much I hate this. This summer was so much fun. For the first time in my life I didn't follow the rules and had fun. I wasn't some rich prep boy but just a dumb kid hanging with his dumb friends making dumb decisions.

That was my last summer as a teenager. Now I'm in senior year next thing I know I'll be in University for a fuckton more years.

That same thought sticks with me all day till I pull into my driveway. Keanu came home with me today, claiming it necessary because she didn't see me this summer. I'be seen her all day and at this point it's been enough.

"Promise you won't gossip or talk about others?" I say to her. "Let's just watch a movie."

She smile softly before turning to walk to the door. Sometimes I can't imagine it being different. We have been together for a while now and part of me can't imagine not attending the prep school I go to and not dating Keanu.

Part of me wants to be like Leo and just throw everything away and be happy but then another part of me feels all the pressure from parents and peers.

"What movie did you want to watch?" She asks as I unlock the door.

"I don't care. You can choose."

"It's going to be a Disney movie if I choose."

"That's fine."

I search through the cupboards for snacks before heading out to the living room where Keanu sits. "Hey. Now that summer is done, are you and Leo going to stop hanging out."

"No?"

She frowns. "I don't want him to affect your academic career. It was a mistake letting you two meet."

Now I frown. "No?"

"We all wanted you to help Leo straighten things out, yet the opposite has seemed to happen."

"Leo knows what he wants, it's just not what you guys want."

She sighs. "I was worried you would defend him."

I can't believe his sister talks this way about him. No wonder he wants nothing to do with them.

"And what's so bad about that?"

"He's a bad influence Andrew! As much as you don't want to admit it, you spent all summer high or drunk making bad decisions, ignoring your parents and sneaking out."

"What's wrong with me having fun?"

"You ignored me all summer and your mother was worried sick the whole fucking time. You're her only child Andrew. You don't seem to understand the consequences to your actions or how they affect other people and that's what always pisses me off about Leo. He doesn't care who he's hurting."

I sit down on the couch when I hear her voice break. She's clearly upset and I start to feel a little guilty.

"You made me feel like dirt all summer," she says quietly.

Then I feel awful. I scoot over to hug her and she leans her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry. You're right. I don't know what got into me."

"I think you should talk to your mom. Her and I did a lot of talking this summer and worrying about you, she's upset."

"Yeah. I will."

"See, it's not you and Leo hanging out that bothers me, it's what he turns you into. I already lost my brother and best friend like that, I won't let him to that to you too."

I sit so confused while she hugs me. All summer I was happy and having the best time yet I was hurting everyone else. Now that I'm back into routine I'm starting to realize what I did. I have a fucking tattoo of someone else's name on me.

"I'm really sorry Keanu."

"It's okay. I just really miss you." She still refuses to let go of me. "And I really didn't like how much you were around Mia. Be honest now, did anything happen between you too."

Oh my god I cheated on Keanu. Oh my god.

"No," I say. "Mia and I are just friends and always have been."

So many things I did this summer are coming back and biting me in the ass and part of me is regretting so much right now. I've worked so hard my whole life for my grades and I almost let that all slip by doing very illegal things.

"Let's just watch the movie. I want to lay down," I say leaning back against the couch and she rests her head on my chest as she clicks play.

For a while I play with her hair. Every now and then I start to think about Leo and get confused why her hair is so freaking long before realizing it's Keanu.

I have a huge problem and of course they have to be fucking siblings. They're so much alike yet so unbelievably different.

"Aleks is hosting a barbecue on the weekend, did you hear about it?" She asks.

"No. I didn't see him much today."

"Okay. He told me to invite you if you didn't know about it."

"Think he'll bring Olivia?"

"I hope not. That'd be embarrassing in front of everyone, like oh here's my down town girlfriend." I stay quiet. "It's embarrassing enough that my brother is like that, imagine voluntarily involving yourself with them," she groans forgetting about me and her brother.