Bite me

So 2 guys walked into a bar

It was on a bright and sunny day that Nick Valensi met Julian Casablancas. (Just to confirm, they already knew each other, they were just meeting up.) Nick walked into the park with a bounce in his step. Julian wanted to talk music, and Nick had so many good ideas to share with him.
It didn't take long for Nick to find Julian, smoking, on a bench. Nick's hair was angry, but didn't say anything. As he got closer, he couldn't help but cough obnoxiously. "Hey, Nick, what's up?" Julian said, putting out his cigarette.
"'Âllo," Nick replied. Julian glanced around quickly for a second. "I know I told you to meet me here, but why don't we get something to eat?" He checked his watch, "it's almost dinner."
"Hm. Why not?"
"Nice. I had a place in mind."

They arrive at Masa.
"What" Nick said.
Julian was satisfied with this reaction as he held the door for his bandmate. The place was packed, and the low din of voices resounded off the marbled walls. Masa had a reputation for being, like, really expensive. The wait was appropriately very long.
"Hey, do you think I'm underdressed?" Mr. Valensi asked.
Julian Fernando looked him up and down and determined that he was, indeed, underdressed, and decided it was best not to respond.
After an outlandishly long wait they were shown to their table.

As soon as they sat down Nick knew it was a very high-end restaurant. The menus looked like they were made of 24 karat gold. Julian looked like he knew what he was doing, because he didn't even need to look at the menu. Slightly nervous, Nick quickly decided what he wanted, and waited.
The guys struck up some small talk in the meantime. Eventually a waiter arrived, and only took their drink orders. Nick said that he was ready to order his food, but Julian insisted that he wasn't, and gestured to the waiter, who nodded and left.
Nick attempted to ask him what that meant, but J-dog dodged the question.
"Ok, I have some ideas I'd really like to share with you." Nick started. "For example-"
But he was cut of by the arrival of the waiter with water!!!!
"Are y0u ready to order?" The waiter asked.
"Sure," julian said. But he didn't actually order. He just raised his eyebrows at the waiter. Before Nick could order the waiter walked away.
"Gah, what an egg," Nick complained. "I can't stand this pretentious restaurant. Anyways, as I was saying..." for 50 minutes Nick rambled on about his ideas for the next album while Julian chewed on a toothpick, occasionally nodding his head.
"I like your ideas," he said at last as he glanced around. "C'mon, let's get out of here."
"What? But we haven't eaten anything? And we waited so long!"
"I know."
Julian Casablancas stood up and began to walk away. Nick had no choice but to follow him.
"Where are we going anyways?"
"Back to my place. Don't worry- the walks not long."
They then walked in silence;the only sound was the leaves crunching beneath their feet.

When the door to Juliians apartment closed behind them, Julian led Nick to his kitchen. He opened a drawer and began ravaging through it. Nick presumed he was looking for cigarettes. However, Julian's hand reappeared holding a small orange object.
"Is that a Cheeto" Nick asked
"Not just any Cheeto," Julian slammed it on the counter and slid it towards Nick. "Just look at it."
Perplexed, Nick stared at the Cheeto until he realized that it looked like Julian.
He glanced up for only a second, but that was enough time for The Divine Ms. J to utter three words.
"Lmao bite me"