Perspectives of a native New Yorker on life, love, and everything in between. "Bitter sweet is an understatement for life out here and everywhere else for anyone else at this age and even younger"...
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Reality has been hitting me as if I was a grown ass man, no remorse, no mercy, nothing of that nature simply because it's not in hers. She's been doing that since I was 12 years old and I don't think she's gonna stop any time soon. Now there's a few temporary solutions to her shenanigans: 1.) Roll up and smoke one or two blunts 2.) Ignore it and keep it pushing 3.) Have a break down and let out frustrations or 4.) Just break.
I've had my fair share of ridiculing those who rely on others for their happiness, but it's happened to me now... I get it. I get why people can be so dependent on someone other than themselves for a feeling they either never felt before or haven't felt in a while. There seems to be irony running through the veins of our relationship and the thought of it alone can be bring a smile to my face. The many aspects within it are the very ones I laughed at others for, like meeting them off an app... and no not a dating app, shooting my shot first, and many other things that happened along the road, a road I pray won't end no time soon. He doesn't know but he's helped me grow as a person with such ease it still shocks me.
But I'm no angel, nowhere near innocent and I wanted this to be different, actually I needed it to be, so off rip I told him things about me that no friend knew besides my best friend. This is a genuine guy that actually cared about me but I refused to allow him specifically to love me, genuine or more, without really knowing me. No lies, secrets about ourselves shall reveal themselves just none between us, and it stayed that way. But I came to a point where I felt as if almost every conversation became about me and my issues then reading him was something that just happened and he didn't like it at first but if I still do it 'til this day, does it look like I ever cared? Of course, the observer became the observed and he began to read me like the back of his hand and Lord himself knows I hate it but it's just another thing to adore about this asshole.
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Have you ever met a fake introvert? Well I have and that'd be Miss Kamarli, never wants to be out of the house or out of her comfort zone but always wants an adventure of some sort. But then again that'd be me as well in a way; I'm not a fan of crowds or huge social gatherings but I do enjoy a few clubs and parties. My version of reality isn't too different than anyone else's, it's rough and has it's unbearable moments but I deal with it accordingly...well I guess you can say that. Being read by someone who I've tried to hold back from had to be the most annoying thing that I just had to accustomed to. That was new for me and it took some time to adjust to but that don't mean I like it. I'm not used to expressing myself to just anyone but she isn't just anyone. I was and always will be amused at how we met but I don't dwell on it unlike some people, and I wouldn't change it if you paid me.
I don't smoke like that so I can't be called a pothead but you can most definitely call me a hookah feign, I won't even get defensive about it and drinking is an occasional thing. Before any assumptions are made, simply for clarification, no I'm not Hispanic but I speak Spanish fluently. I've lived in many places, completely different areas, it'd be difficult to label me with an accent and don't ask what I rep because I'll just say some bullshit. Other than all that, it's safe to say I am not who I associate myself with. You'll see soon enough.
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