You shut your eyes tightly, blocking back the tears which were currently threatening to fall. Biting down on your lip, you stop the whimper from leaving your lips, as a red trail is trickling down your arm. Yet surprisingly the sight of the metal blade still makes you feel comfortable, like it’s your safety net.
A whole month, you had been without holding that razor against your wrist and thighs, but you needed to feel like you could control your pain again. Even though you had your boyfriend with you every step of the way, re-building your confidence, one thing managed to make it come crashing down.
He was leaving for tour.
You were going to be all alone.
Nothing but your mind circulating with voices pointing out every single one of your flaws again, for everyday while he’s gone.
Taunting you in whichever way they could.
And you couldn’t take any more of it. So had taken to befriending the razor once again, lining your thighs and wrists with crimson lines, every single one of them representing a reason and a memory.
“I’m sorry Alex” you say in a hushed tone, and hear the bathroom door creak open.
You look up through your teary eyes, only seeing the blurred vision of a figure. Blinking a few times to try and clear your vision to try and figure out who it was, you end up collapsing onto the cool tiles of the bathroom floor, your head feeling dizzy and your vision fading completely to black.
---
“Ugh” you groan as you shift your weight over slightly. You had a pair of arms securely wrapped around you and someone’s face was hidden in your neck.
You manage to wriggle an arm free from whoever was clinging onto you and grasp your head, since it feels like Rian is playing drums inside of it or something.
You had never felt so weak in your entire life up until now.
Catching the glimpse of your wrist you notice that it is all bandaged up, along with your thighs. You flinch away from whoever it was that was so close to you and hide your head in your knees, silently crying.
“(Y/N)” Alex’s sleepy voice whispers.
You lift your head slightly and look over in Alex’s direction. He has tear stained cheeks, and the twinkle in his eyes has completely vanished.
“Alex I, I’m so sorry” you admit, hanging your head low in shame.
He doesn’t reply, but you feel his arms around you once again and you melt into his chest. You sob your heart out, spilling out every reason for why you picked up the razor earlier. Alex doesn’t judge you or get angry with you once, (which you had totally expected him to), but listened and comforted you in the only way he knew how to.
Singing.
He tucked you up in bed and grabbed his acoustic from across the other side of the room, perching himself on the end of the bed.
“I actually wrote a song for you a while ago. I wasn’t sure when the right time was to play it to you, but I think it could help…” he smiled weakly, brushing the back of his hand over your cheek as if you were so fragile and delicate that he was scared of breaking you at the slightest touch.
You blush and watch as Alex skilfully moves his fingers over the frets of his guitar, strumming away to a soft melody.
“My ship went down,
in a sea of sound.
When I woke up alone,
I had everything.
A hand full of moments,
I wished I could change.
And a tongue like a nightmare,
that cut like a blade.
In a city of fools,
I was careful and cool.
But they tore me apart like a hurricane.
A hand full of moments,
I wished I could change,
but I was carried away.”
Alex took a shaky breath as tears rolled down his cheeks, but he quickly composed himself and sang again.
“Give me therapy.
I’m a walking travesty.
But I’m smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me.
And you can keep all your misery.
My lungs gave out,
as I faced the crowd,
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.
I’m flesh and bone.
I’m a rolling stone.
And the experts say I’m delirious.
Give me therapy.
I’m a walking travesty.
But I’m smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me.
And you can take back your misery.
Arrogant boy,
love yourself so no one has to.
They’re better off without you.
They’re better off without you.
Arrogant boy,
cause a scene like you’re supposed to.
They’ll fall asleep without you.
You’re lucky if your memory remains.
Give me therapy.
I’m a walking travesty.
But I’m smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me.
You can take back your misery.
Therapy.
I’m a walking travesty.
But I’m smiling at everything.
Therapy.
You were never a friend to me.
And you can choke on your misery.”
Tears are now flooding out, as you look at Alex. Those lyrics were exactly what you needed to help you through this tough time, and they were possibly the most beautiful thing that you had ever heard, and even though Alex’s voice crackled through the song due to him crying; it was still perfect.
You didn’t stop yourself from throwing yourself on Alex as he put down his guitar, knocking him back against the mattress. You look up at him and smile, “Alex that was so beautiful.”
“You’re my therapy (Y/N). Don’t ever forget that, because I’m not ready to lose you. I love you too much to let you go. So please, don’t leave me, or scare me like that again, because I thought I lost you for good this time and-” he pleads, his eyes filling with tears once again.
Cutting him off short, you press a kiss against his lips smiling as you pull away. “I’ll try my best, for you” you smile, looking deep into his eyes, as that spark reappears. “I’m so fucking glad I have you Lex, I love you so much” you murmur, resting your head against his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.
He runs his hands through your hair and kisses the top of your head, whispering the lyrics “forget your scars we’ll forget mine” as you sleepily close your eyes, falling into a deep sleep in Alex’s arms feeling safe for the first time in a long time.
