Today is the 23rd July
It's a big day for me as I'm starting high school today I hope it goes well I mean better than my primary I had hut horrible boys in my year I didn't know them but for some reason they didn't like me .they said I was an easy target and I had no friends I was one of those girls who walked around trying to fit in wherever and with whoever but no one seemed to notice me everyone Elys called me a shadow alough I didn't quiet understand why !!
The bully boys thought they were so hard and unbeatable but as soon as a teacher told them of they went quiet and shy . That was the only time I've ever heard one of them say sorry.
I tried to tell my mum but she just said it's part of growing up and you get people like this but why do u have to why can't we all respect one another ... I guess that's just to much to ask for stuck up idiots like them. They just make me so angry!😔
One time I was in year five and they all came up to me (this is when the bullying started.) they said "hey"whilst looking at each other smirking I responded saying "hi" they all laughed I was more confused that ever !!
They asked loads if questions as I was a new kid I didn't quiet know what to do or say they were just asking questions but something was telling me just tell them to go away or leave me alone but I didn't why didn't I maybe ... If I stood up for myself maybe I wouldn't be a victim. Maybe just maybe I could of made friends with the cute boy at the back of there gang one of the little tag alongs just so he could be popular just so he wouldn't be bullied by them 😔
One time we had a assembly on bullying but whilst the assembly was going on the boys at the back were being them usual selfs throwing balls of paper at me or tiny bits of stuff they've found to get tangles in my hair !!
The teachers notice but they don't say anything why don't they say anything why don't they help ??!😔
They say tell us and we will make the bullying stop but how,by talking to them. That won't work they will just call you a grass and tell me to man up as I've learnt from previous experiences 😔
I guess school just isn't for me should it be this hard to fit in how do I become a popular how can I become I respected child rather than a worthless ugly tramp who everyone keeps there distance from.
Anyway it's like 9:00 so I should be getting to sleep alough I can't I'm just a fat bag if nerves I can't stop thinking like : there's going to be other populars from other school with meaner threats and meaner words. I don't know maybe they will be In a different population that me so they can just let me get through school struggling bottom sets and spending break and lunch eating alone in the toilets.
Maybe this could be my high school story 😔 I hope not !!
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I know I shouldn't I know every one does this for attention but yeah I cut somehow I just relives all that pain and anger I have somehow it has a way of calming me down !!
I started of with a razor from the bathroom everyday I'll just go in a cut deeper and deeper and watch it drip down the sink ! I'll forget for a moment all the pain and mystery life brings to you but then I'll remember and the cutting starts again !! I wish I had a way of telling everyone how they make me feel how worthless and dirty and lIttle I feel all because of the words that escape there mouth it may only be a word to them what they will only remember for a couple seconds but for the victim it stays with them for a long time and no sorry will make up for it ! It scared me that one day I'll take it to far and won't be able to stop cutting it scares me that one day I may Attuly cut to deep and bleed out but then I think will everyone's life be better without me I mean mum and dad barley notice me with the new triplets and there jobs in the way I don't want to tell them it will just make them worried and they need to spend time with the triplets !!
