flirty bitch ☆ memeulous

🌟 part 26 ; i wish 🌟

alex. standing over me. "hayley? are you-- why are you crying?"

my body shudders like an earthquake as sob after sob slams through me. tears streams down my cheeks and i do nothing to stop them. it's like i'm an entirely different person, watching myself collapse from the outside.

it's not supposed to be like this.

dating george was meant to be fun, flirty. we went on our second date just days before everything changed - it was a laugh. we had an incredible time, dancing and kissing and getting pissed at the club together. of course, everything started breaking down the week after that. all because of that fucking starbucks trip. george became different. 

he doesn't laugh like he used to. before then, his laugh was so pure and genuine that it filled the entire room. he still laughs, but it's shorter and lower and hollow. void. i wouldn't have thought anything of it if other things hadn't changed too: how his passion for cooking has vanished, how he spends days in his room without talking to anybody, the panic attacks he has in the middle of the night.

he told me he hadn't had a panic attack in over a year until now.

and it's my fault. all my fault.

i don't mean for these thoughts to escape, but they do - heaving out in splutters and bursts in between tears, my stress from the past two weeks erupting out to alex, who kneels next to me on the cold floor and listens. my worries over george being gay. george changing. everything fucking changing. alex listens to it all.

alex, my friend. he always seems to get it. giving me the right looks at the right time, the right words when i need them. these past two weeks he's kept me together, whether he knows it or not. will's great and all. but he's completely blind to what really goes on.

and alex's embrace is so comforting. different than the moments i share with george in his bed; the same level of intimacy, but a different kind. alex can calm me when even george can't. not always on purpose, but his arms comfort me anyway. like being enveloped by some otherly force.

so it's not long until the tears slow and halt. my words stop with them.

"hayley," alex murmurs, sliding backward on the wooden floor. "this is what you've been worried about for the past two weeks?"

i forcefully wipe a stray tear off my cheek. "yeah."

"you need to talk to george. you have to."

"but-- what if i talk to him and there's nothing wrong and he's upset that i thought this about him and--"

"hayley." alex cuts me off. his sea green eyes penetrate mine. "i know george. i know what it's like to be him. he's never going to bring it up to you on his own, he's too anxious. the only way you can fix this is if you talk to him."

"i know," i admit, slumping slightly. "it should be easy to talk to him. but i'm scared. i'm scared that everything will be true. i'm scared he'll break up with me. i--" my voice cracks. "i'm so fucking scared, alex."

alex doesn't reply.