flirty bitch ☆ memeulous

me and the girls smoking crack çocaine

george feels unbearably guilty after kissing will. he likes them both, he really does, but he can't keep dating hayley after he betrayed her like this (and deep down, he knows his feelings for will are never going to disappear). he confesses to her immediately.

she's...

heartbroken isn't the word for it, not quite.

empty, really.

the grief crushes her until she can't breathe and then she feels nothing. she quietly packs up her belongings and moves out - it takes less than an hour. alex and her share one last hug before she leaves. the tears blur her vision until she can't see straight. she says she'll keep in touch. hayley know she won't.

she's going to miss him.

she arrives back to her tiny bungalow, tucked deep into the highlands - her family's home, her childhood home, but the once-familiar walls echo cold and grey. her mums try their best to cheer her up. they're kind, endlessly patient. mam bakes with her and mum tells her stupid jokes while they search for a new place for hayley to stay.

it's sweet. she's still hollow. dead walking.

she thought george was it. endgame. god, she's pathetic - she knew him for what, a couple months? yet she couldn't see a future without him. there was something about him; soft and lovely and a ball of nerves but oh-so dependable, to the point where she couldn't envision her life without him in it-

stop. fuck, she's got to stop thinking about him. she's going to spiral into depression again. she wonders: what's the point in stopping it?

so she lets herself fall, and fall, and fall.

everything's so grey. why is she so pathetic? it's just a breakup. she has her family, and her future.

when did she stop caring?

hayley doesn't want to die. she's not sure she wants to live, either.

a cold, detached peace settles over her at the realisation.

she kisses mam on the cheek, hugs mum and cracks a hollow joke that has the woman cackling, before she leaves. i'll be back soon. it's a lie. she hopes they won't cry too much.

the sea wind whips her hair around her face like a hurricane. her hands shake from the cold. it doesn't matter.

a deep, rattling exhale escapes her as she stands at the cliff's edge. the sea wars beneath her, steel-grey waves battering against the cliff-face. sounds like thunder from up here. she's not sure if it counts as a storm, but it'll be enough for this.

she slips off her shoes and lays them on the ground, facing the raging ocean. it's a japanese tradition: she always liked watching old animes with mam. the grass is damp beneath her feet. decidedly alive.

hayley jumps.

the regret is instant. panic roars through her veins like the wind in her ears as she plummets to the crashing sea below- oh god, please- hayley doesn't want to die, she doesn't want to die she doesn't want to die she doesn't doesn't let her live please-

purple erupts into an infinite cobalt galaxy around her.

the wind, the waves, everything vanishes.

am i- she looks down at her hands. they're real, oh god they're real she's alive. a choked sob escapes her.

but where-

a soft humming begins to her right. she spins around.

a woman kneels on the ground - on the air? on the stars? there's nothing for her to kneel on but the endless shades of blue - eyes closed and head tipped heavenwards. she's naked. her braids are decorated with golden beads; tears fall down her rich dark skin.

when she opens her eyes, they are filled with warmth and and life and depthless sorrow that spears hayley straight through her heart.

"My child," the woman says. "Oh, my sweet child."

hayley can't take her eyes off her. "where am i?" she breathes.

more tears spill down the woman's cheeks. "You are with me. Sit down. Please."

hayley drifts towards her, folding down to her knees. "i- i don't understand..." her eyes begin to burn. "i should be dead. i killed myself."

the woman opens her eyes. she takes hayley's hand between both of hers; rubs it, gently. "Why?"

"because-" a sob blocks the words and the woman shushes her soothingly. "i- everything was so empty, i didn't... i couldn't..." she shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes. "i wanna go back. take me back, please. i don't know who you are or what this is but if you stopped me from dying then you can take me back to the day i met him."

"Every time," the woman says. her lips tilt into a sad smile. "Every time, this is what you tell me."

the universe fades around her. "wh- what?"

"I give you so many lives, so many fresh starts. They all end the same way." her eyes are filled with a sorrowful kind of understanding. "Everything is empty, you tell me. I want to go back, you tell me."

everything is reeling. this doesn't make sense. none of this makes sense, she-

"Maybe it is time I let you decide for yourself," the woman finishes. "Choose your own timelines. All the others are happy by their second, but you've never been like them, have you?" the woman huffs out a small laugh. "No matter what I do, you will not be happy. Maybe you will be happy if you create the action yourself."

"this is insane," hayley blurts. "i don't understand. this can't be real, none of this is real-"

the woman silences her with one faintly amused smile. "Ah, this is the price I pay for erasing your memory every time. You don't remember me, you don't remember any of this. I thought it would keep you safe, but..." she squeezes hayley's hand. "Maybe that is what's holding you back. You cannot learn if you cannot remember. And what you need most of all is to learn how to be happy."

"you're telling me," hayley's voice shakes, "that- that you control everything? you're what, some kind of god? and this has happened before, i've died before and you've brought me back?"

the woman laughs, hearty and deep. "Not quite. But you are only a child. You will learn."

hayley exhales shakily. she closes her eyes. when she opens them again, she nods. "okay. i trust you."

the woman smiles - it's something impossibly warm that sparks the cosmos around them into sunset orange.

"Where would you like to go, then?" she asks.

hayley thinks for a moment. "somewhere warm," she decides. "i'm fed up with britain. all the rain gets on my nerves."

"Warmth it is," the woman chuckles. "How about here?"

an image flashes into her mind: of vibrant turquoise oceans, of unexpected laughter, of glimmering scales and grass bracelets and the lilt of a familiar accent.

the woman tells her, "The islands are called Sulani. I know a boy who lives there. It is beautiful from afar too, but he tells me to live there is to breathe joy."

hayley breaks into a smile. "it sounds perfect."

"Then Sulani it is."

a rift erupts behind the woman, electric blue flames and a need to see. the woman raises to her feet, guiding hayley with her.

"Go through the portal," she tells her. "Whenever you need to see me, or to enter a new timeline, you will be able to call your own."

the woman leans forward and kisses her forehead. a sense of importance, of anticipation, thrums through hayley's veins.

"i'm ready," she says. the woman smiles down at her. she lets go of her hand.

"Then go, my child."

hayley steps into the flames.