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—𝐉𝐀𝐇𝐒𝐄𝐇 it's been 5 months in this place and i've yet to make any friends. expect for stokeley we met on the first day i've gotten here. we use to share a cell together but every week we have to move in different cells.
meeting new people was something i hated. i hated people talking to me or people looking at me. i'm just trying my best to be as respectful and get out this place.
my old roommate had to leave a while back i got a new one. knowing the guards put him in risk with a room with me. i've told them before and i will keep on telling them.
if he ever tried some weird shit i will beat his fucking ass. and today was the day my blood was boiling. told this kid stop looking at me he sat on the bed reading his book but kept on glancing at me.
laughing i look at the kid. he stared at me looking deep into my eyes while i was staring back at him.
"i warned you."
laughing more i got up to take a shower. having the towel wrapped around my waist i walk to my room. looking at the kid siting there looking at me the whole time i go into the little corner where the toilets at.
as i put my jumpsuit on i leave my chest exposed tying the sleeves on to my waist. walking up to the kid i move the little cushion slamming his head on the bed.
trying my best to choke the kid out. i start bashing his head in while i continued to pound my hand on his head. while i held my hand around his throat i managed to block out the screams from the kid. seeing the blood drip form his face to my hands i squeezed tightly around his neck some more.
hearing a guard walk by i checked if they seen me. knowing they didn't i keep on repeating my stomps on the kid until he yells out loud.
when in this place you go insane. seeing other kids insane makes you go insane. so i take all the blood that was his and i spread it all over my face and chest. the guard comes in taking me off the kid. walking outside.
"i told yall, i told yall i'll kill him."
looking at the guards they've always had my respect. i was never the troublemaker when it came to this place. so knowing they knew this was a risk for me they appreciate it.
"go take a shower kid"
"but hurry, your mother is in the visitation room"
↳ "what did you do?" looking at the blood that stuck to my inner nails i look at my mother. no emotion was set on my face none at all.
"this guy did some gay shit so i had to crack his head"
after i said that my mother bust out crying. i hated seeing my mother cry knowing i was the reason why she was hurting.
"jahseh, you need to stop this shit man. you know if you fuck up they'll direct file you."
just as my mother let those words out the guards barged in running to me. they grabbed me pulling me out visitation. i was brought to the hole.
the hole is a room with no bed, no roommates nothing at all. getting pushed in the room i look around i seen the room get smaller and smaller.
the walls where pushing into me. it feels small in this big room i let out a loud scream punching the wall seeing my own blood drip from my arms to the concrete floor.
running into the wall i bang my head fighting myself. this is the only feeling i've gotten ever since i've came into this place.
i fucked up.
okay so obviously this is new for me to be in jahseh's pov. now i know the line where he responds to his mother may have been offensive. now i'm my own person jahseh said it himself he isn't homophobic. in a chapter i said i want this book to be as similar to how jahseh explained his childhood and life to be. again sorry if i offended you. hope you guys love this book!
