What they don't know..

Man Date part 4

I feel new tears threatening damn it I hate crying.. it makes me feel weak.. I am anything but weak..

"I .... I'm sorry.. I know I am not normal.. most people wouldn't have stayed this long.. most people just leave when I freak out or get angry...."  I am full blown crying.. just waiting for him to leave.. everyone always leaves.. I can't make eye contact. I just have my face in my hands, trying to calm down.. but I can't bring my self back down.

"Bro! It's chill! I get it you just need space, and it is none of my business, I should just respect your boundaries. Just know that I get it if I ever cross a line let me know! I'll try not do it again. You must have reasons for the boundaries you have I get it." He says sheepishly

I look up half way through his speech, tears still flowing at a steady pace. My breathing still a little heavy. I meet his eyes at towards the end.. he is.. crying... silently crying... I don't know what to do so  I just stare... no one has ever said these things before.. to me.. I blink away the last of my tears and dry my face "You would be the first to ever even try.." I find my self saying out loud with out relaxing it.. I didn't mean to but with him I say things I just don't mean to say out loud.. I wish I knew what to do or say to make him stop crying.. It is something I never want to cause again.. He didn't mean any harm by his actions.. I just have a fucking broken brain connected to the forsaken body.. I wipe away the last of the tears off my face. A small smile goes across my face.. I look him the eyes.. "Tch, I said fucking thanks shitty hair." I mutter trying to lighten the mood. It had been 45 minuets or so and I managed to ruin some of this.. whatever it is.. I look away feeling a blush creep on my face for some stupid ass reason. The silence is killing me, I do not want to go home the old hag will have so many questions if I come home now that I do not want to talk about. I know I fucked up earlier with the panic attack, I made him feel like shit and now were are both just siting here my anxiety is building back up. I don't wanna leave just yet... I wanna hang out and do whatever shitty hair had planned.. I want to because this is the first time someone out side of my parents and that shitty Deku didn't blame me for my out burst and seemed o understand. I seemed to have triggered something in the redhead... I wanna fix it he shouldn't be sitting there beating him self up over my personal issues..

"RED! you are fine! lets just move on please?... I don't wanna go home.. yet.. "

He looks up and I see him lightly smile. "Sure thing bro!" he seems to say the word bro with a little to much excitement into the word bro.. I shake it off not letting it get to my head. "Where are we going next anyone shitty hair?" His smiles widen and I feel all gooey.. fucking hell! I can never let him know that, I will probably never here the end of it..

He gets up and goes over to Kimmy I follow not really knowing what else I was supossed to do. As I approach I see KImmy glace over to me giving a small smile "You okay sweet heart?" She asks in a hushed tone.. I blush for some reason... probably because I am embarrassed knowing another person so me in that state. I give a small unsure smile, "I'm good.." I say to the floor.

https://instagram.com/p/ByPGheUpeSP/