Who Said Force Wasn't An Option? (Perminantly Discontinued)

Chapter 12

This is a sort of an intermission chapter. It'll take a look inside of Izuku's head, showing what he really feels despite his insane appearance. Remember, he was tortured to be a billion in the first place, hence the title of this fanfic. However, in order to vent in a less obvious case, his thoughts will almost be the same as mine, so I'll be able to upload a chapter and to relieve some stress off myself. After all, no one knows who I really am, so I can talk about what I want.

-Author
.
.
.
.
Edited: so I added more to the beginning and end of the chapter.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Is it wrong for me to still want to be a hero? I love my family. I hate those who say that they are my family.

I feel different then they do. They don't crave the pain I inflict on myself. They don't feel high when they cut themselves. Burn themselves. Hurt themselves, but I do.

Pretending is like second nature to me. I live to pretend. It's my only purpose. I can't live a normal teenage life when I live with villains.

There is no one who will love me. I'm a despicable, horrid, broken thing of a human who deserves no sympathy.

I'm so desperate for someone to understand how I feel.

This urge to do horrible things to myself and feel satisfied while doing it.

To want someone to love me for the way I am.

I want to be able to go out with my family and go to the beach without people looking at the scars on my legs and arms.

I want friends I can indulge in and they won't judge me for the horrible things I've done.

I want to be free from this.

From this life.

This body.

This mind.

This existence.

I don't want this.

I never wanted this.

I want out.

I want to leave.

I want to go home.

Where is home?

Where do I belong?

Where am I supposed to go?

I'm lost.

Lost in a sea of horrid emotions.

I can't swim to the surface.

I keep getting pulled deeper and deeper under the water everytime I reach for the surface.

My head being yanked by my hair until my neck snaps under the pressure, oy give me a temporary feeling of freedom before being dropped back into the depths of hell.

I wonder what happens when we die.

Do we get another chance?

If I were to kill myself and succeed, would I get a redo?

A restart?

A do over?

A pass to a new life?

I wonder and I wonder and wonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonder
wonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderwonderWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdErWoNdEr WONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDERWONDER

And I think...

Is it really worth it?

Should I keep trying to have a normal life?

Do I even deserve a normal life?

Do I deserve happiness?

I've done horrible things that I have enjoyed.

I hurt people who love me but I don't love them back.

Am I wrong for that?

Am I wrong for wanting a future?

For wanting people who love me?

Accept me?

Care for me?

Want me to be in there lives?

To miss me if I'm gone?

But only heroes do that.

I hate heroes.

I hate All Might.

But...

Why do I love Shouto than?

He likes All Might and he's a hero.

But he makes my heart stutter when I see him.

He wrapped my injured and took care of me.

He even made love with me.

He doesn't deserve to be let down by me.

I'll only disappoint him.

But he wants me.

And I want him back.