Love With Lifelessness

Chapter 1

Standing in the cold lobby of my local high school it was hard not to notice her. She was standing beside a water fountain reading a novel. I stare for a bit then look down quickly when she looks up from her book at me, I blush a deep scarlet. I never really cared for school but now it pains me to be away from school, because no school means, no Sky. I've never actually talked to her, but I'm afraid I'll screw this whole thing up by saying something stupid to her.

I've never been too social; I mean I do have one friend. I love him to death, people think Ash is scary but he's just a big goth sweet heart. He's helped me through a lot. For awhile I was in a deep depression; my little sister killed herself two years ago. Her name was Nikki she was fourteen at the time. I guess she was just sick of feeling all the pain.

When she killed herself I was so...so broken. I couldn't even imagine someone wanting to kill themselves, but as time went on my depression got worse...I wanted to kill myself. I felt and I still feel it was my fault this happened to her. I knew how bad her depression was, I even knew she cut herself...but did I think much of it at the time? No, I was a coward, I was too afraid of how upset she would be with me if I went and got help. So I just stood there and watched her slowly mutilate herself to death.

One day she came home from school and was really upset; which she did almost every day. So I wasn't alarmed I just told her to go to her room and sleep it off; which usually worked. Then, she never came down for dinner. I was getting concerned, she may have been depressed but she always had an appetite of a starving wolf. I would normally go tell my parents and they would go up and check on her, but they were out of town for the night so they left me in charge. Before I went to bed that night I went into her room to tell her to go to bed. When I walked in the first thing I saw was blood, blood, and more blood. The blood was surrounding a little fourteen year old girl with dark brown hair, pail skin that was stained with blood, her wrists were slit. I instantly knew she was dead; she slit two major veins, she bled to death. Once my head cleared I realized there was a suicide note on her desk that read
"To whom it concerns, I'm so sorry. I love you mom, dad and Jordan. You've been an amazing family.
Love, Nikki"
After reading this it was official. Nikki killed herself. She herself the night no one would listen to her. She killed herself on my watch.

All of this sent me into a spiraling depression that slowly got worse it go so bad I would regularly cut myself. One night it got so bad I thought of suicide. I didn't give in I just called Ash and he came over and helped me through it. After that everything slowly started to get better. I still have depression but it's minor and is controlled with medication.

The bell for first period threw me out of my memory. I slowly got to class being one of the last people to get to class. I sat down in my usual seat when the teacher entered.

"Class we will be mixing this up some I'm getting bored of where your sitting I only hear old topics being talked about. So we will be switching seats up." Said our English teacher Ms. Decker.

There were various moans and groans among the class. I wasn't too afraid, I was fine with sitting with anyone except one person. This was the only class I shared with Sky. If I got placed with her I would surely screw it up with me saying something stupid.

The teacher read down the list of seating when she finally got to my name I was nearly shaking, "Jordan and Sky." She said quickly.

I moved to one of the two desks I was supposed to be sitting at. Sky walked over, sitting down next to me in the seat bedside me. Up close I realized she didn't seem as happy as I thought when I only saw her from a distance. She still had a semi smile hanging on her lips but something about her was just depressed. I don't know what though.

"Hey, I'm Sky." she said in a beautiful voice.
This is the first time I've ever heard her speak I realized she looked happy but when she spoke there was a certain sadness to it. It was barely there but still there. If you looked closely you could see depression eating away at her eyes.

My voice came out shaky "Hi."

She smelled beautiful; a mix of lavender and jasmine. I noticed a tiny stud in her nose that I never saw from a far. She was so close it felt like there was electricity in the air and I was the metal pole.