Josui's life

Anxiety

Hello there, I'm glad to see you here. I know alot of people is not going to see this but I don't really care that much. I just want to let my feelings out and feel better. I got Anxiety Disorders which is pretty bad, If you don't know what Anxiety Disorders means a group of mental illnesses, and the distress they cause can keep you from carrying on with your life normally. The Anxiety Disorder is an umbrella term that includes different conditions. The conditions is:

Panic Attacks - You feel terror that strikes at random. During a panic attack, you may also sweat, have chest pain, and feel palpitations (unusually strong or irregular heartbeats). Sometimes you may feel like you're choking or having a heart attack.

Social Anxiety Disorder - Also called social phobia, this is when you feel overwhelming worry and self-consciousness about everyday social situations. You fixate about others judging you or on being embarrassed or ridiculed.

Specific phobias - You feel intense fear of a specific object or situation, such as heights or flying. The fear goes beyond what's appropriate and may cause you to avoid ordinary situations.

I have the Panic Attacks, Now the cause of my panic attacks isn't sure but It's from the chanes in my brain and environmental stress. Not only that... I got fekin jealous. Let me tell you the whole story. It all started in May 27 where me and my friends, Let's call them Talia and James. I have a feelings for Talia, Talia is a Friend I met a year ago and I met James because of Talia. At exactly 6:00 AM we three met up in Starbucks, When I arrived there I saw both of them laughing and they look like they are hiding something from me. I entered and Greeted them. They both look nervous so I said "Are you two hiding something from me?". They both looked at each other and Talia nodded. Talia said "We are actually waiting for this moment... Me and James is dating.".  From that moment I felt Lazy and Clumsy. I answered "Oh, I uh.... Didn't expect that.". From that moment I felt like the world turned againts me. I looked at the both of them and tears would come out of my eyes. Talia would ask me if I'm okay and I answered her "Im just Happy to see you two dating..". After going to Starbucks, we would go to the Mall and I am looking at them holding hands while walking. I wan't to go home that time but I don't want to make them worried about me and ruin their relationship. 

A few days past and Talia haven't seen me go out my house. I thought the right thing to do is to let them two be and stay away from them. It was May 30 and It was around 1:30 PM where I would usually sit and open my Wattpad account. Talia visited me in my house and she bought me an Ice Coffee. She would ask me if I'm okay and ask me why am I not leaving my house anymore. I said "I just feel lazy, I also got busier.". Talia would answer me "I know that's not the reason.. Spit it out.". And there we go.. I would tell her how I really feel about her and why I'm not going out of my house anymore. In that day, I felt Choked and I was panicking... I didn't know what to do. At night I would look at my Messenger and I would chat YOLOismaMOTTO And tell my friend how I feel.

At May 31 At 9:00 PM, Me and my friend YOLOismaMOTTO would start talking and I would Tell her How I feel.. But this time I felt really heavy. My friend says that I should talk to my mother and I did talk to my mother. My mother forced me to go to the doctor, The doctor sent me to a psychiatrist. They figured out that I have Anxiety. I wouldn't go further to any details but Everynight I hear voices saying "I wanna give up". I felt uncomfortable in the public. I felt getting choked everytime. 

This is a very hard experience for me. I Decided that I still wanna go on with Written Love. I still have dreams to accomplish, I can't just give up like that. Now If any of you are reading this... You are the reason why I keep continuing to fight this Anxiety. Thank you...