Naufragous

ℍ 𝔼 𝔸 𝕃 𝕀 ℕ 𝔾

Naufragous; 

(adj.) 1. Causing shipwreck 2. To be broken/ completely destroyed 

I hope you know how much of a shipwreck you were to me. I hope one day you can look back on these snippets of my writing and see just how much you broke me. But that day is not today, or tomorrow. Maybe you won't realize how much you broke me for a month, or a year. But maybe you'll realize when I'm finally gone. Maybe. Or maybe you won't realize at all. So if people ask why I'm not here anymore, don't lie to them. Tell them the truth; that is, if you ever realize what it is. 

I've left too many signs already, called out for help enough. I've beat my skull to insanity, trying to make people understand that no, I'm not ok. And even if you spend hours trying to talk me out of it, I probably won't go, but I also won't fully stay. 

To all the words you didn't say to me that you probably should have. Like the small "i miss you"'s I need at 1am or the quick "good morning"'s that you gave everyone, other than me. I'm over it. To all the times I thought you'd care more and see the sadness behind the obvious fake smiles. I'm over it. To all the times I was there for you but you weren't there for me. I'm over it. And lastly, to all the people you chose over me, even though none of those people were there for you as much as I was. I'm fucking over it.

I'm done now. You can throw the annoying messages, the annoying tears, the annoying me, away. But make sure to throw away the handful of genuine happy memories, laughs, jokes, and warm hugs away too. 

You can't throw away the ugly parts of me and keep the pretty parts, that's not how I work. Keep me as a whole, or throw all of me out. I'll prove to you someday, that I never was and never will be, the soft little thing you thought I was. So no I won't be the one feeling shipwrecked anymore, I will be the one causing it.