Waiting to be Perfect

Winter Break

        It was December 21. Classes were officially over that afternoon for the long-awaited winter break. 

        Enoch watched as all of his friends were leaving the school, preparing to take the bus out of the campus. Emma bid farewell before taking a seat at the back of the bus, while Jake gave a nod that said "Bye." before following the blonde; this time Enoch reciprocated the action. Next was Olive who shyly went to give Enoch a tight hug, hiding her face so he could not see her blushing. Shocked at first, Enoch eventually hugged back. When Olive looked back into Enoch's eyes, the red-head was still crimson red in the face, but her expression said something else... 

         Once all the children were aboard, the bus took off, throwing smoke into Enoch's face. The boy stood there for some time, even after the bus was out of sight. Birds were chirping in the air, squirrels were passing by, and clouds drifted above the boy's head. When a rather cold brisk of wind hit Enoch, that was when he decided to return to his dorm. 

          There were only two other kids from Enoch's classes that were staying on campus with him, along with a bunch others from the lower grades. Enoch was not interested in talking to the other kids, so for the most part, he stayed occupied in his room. 

         On his first day on break, Enoch slept in till 2 in the afternoon. He woke up not feeling much of an appetite. So he skipped both breakfast and lunch. He filled his time scrolling through his proana account: looking at other people's accountabilities, thinspo, the vent section (where he wrote another post), and the usual. He checked out some of his friends profiles, including .InvisibleBoy. where he announced he as going home (finally!) for the winter break. 

        Hope you have fun! Enoch added the comment. 

         Enoch also watched three different movies: The Grinch (it was only suitable to do so), Legend of the Guardians and The Nightmare Before Christmas (also suitable). By the time Enoch looked at the time, it was already nine in the afternoooooon!!! Enoch's conclusion: no dinner either. He hated eating so late and feeling bloated while he tried to find, and failed, at finding some slumber. 

          The boy had not left his dorm all day, if not just to use the loo. He did not even change out of his Jack Skellington pajamas. Eventually, the boy fell asleep at 3 in the morning, browsing through tumblr till his eyes felt like lead and he could not properly keep them open. 

         The next day, Enoch woke up feeling more dizzy than usual. With shaky hands, he lifted up a glass of water that was lying on his nightstand, the water immediately relieving his dry throat. He pulled out his laptop that stood where he put it in the sleepy state he was in earlier this morning, by his head. The time at the bottom right side of the screen read 1 in the afternoon. 

          His mind was set on auto-pilot, mindlessly typing in the search bar to get to his account. Enoch thought this day was gonna be like yesterday, very boring and uneventful. But then he saw .InvisibleBoy. was online. Faster than the speed of light, Enoch typed a message to his friend.  

         _PudgyBoy!_ : Hey!! 

          _PudgyBoy!_ : It's been a while since we last talked. 

        _PudgyBoy!_ : You good....? 

        It took a while for Enoch to get a reply back. Twelve minutes later and this was all that was sent. 

       .InvisibleBoy. : cant talk right now 

     And with that, Enoch's friend logged off. It was an understatement to say that Enoch was disappointed. He was more like devastated. The only person he felt he could talk to did not seem as eager to talk back to him. 

     Dark thoughts plagued the blonde's mind. Maybe he was not good enough. Maybe, no matter how many pounds he lost, Enoch will always be that "pudgy boy". He will be everyone's last resort. Enoch could just not hush these voices, so he ran to his mirror, checking to see if he has gained any weight. He put his fingers around his wrist, glad to see there was still a huge gap when he tightened his grip. Then he touched frantically his collarbones. He put his feet together, relieved to see an obvious gap between his thighs. His most hated feature was his full face, and even he admits his cheeks look more hollow. This was enough to calm down the voices. At least for a while. 

       For the rest of the day, Enoch kept to himself in his dorm. He went through bouts of disgusting sobs, and then just boredom. All the mattered was the fact that no food passed through his lips.