unsent texts : jaehyungparkian

. . .

younghyun walked up to the open fence of the grassy cemetery. flowers in his hand, he searches for the familiar stone that held his whole world. once he finds it, he sits near it.

"here lies park jaehyung." he whispers. a sad smile appears on his face and places his flowers down on the grave.

"if you were struggling, you could have told me." he says. "i knew something was up with you, i just couldn't put my finger on what it was."

younghyun sits there for awhile, trying not to cry while memories come in that one night.

wednesday, january 16th, 2019

younghyun was cuddled up on the couch that night, sipping a hot chocolate skyping his boyfriend, jaehyung.

"i miss you." younghyun says, but jaehyung seemed more distant from what he said. the boy on the other screen displayed a sad and pensive mood, breathing heavily. younghyun has been on watch for jaehyung for the past weeks because he's been very distant from him.

"i miss you too." jaehyung answered.

that reply seemed too suspicious to younghyun. it didnt sound sincere.

'what if he doesn't love me anymore?'

"jae?"

the boy looks up at him. "hm?"

"d-do you still love me?" he says, quietly tearing up.

jaehyung's miserable expression turns to a perked and shocked one.

"of course i do! why would you ever think that?"

"w-well, if you're keeping something from me, t-then just say it."

jaehyung's expression turns to pensive again.

"i think we should end the call here."

"wai-"

and with that, jaehyung hangs up.

sobbing, younghyun opens his phone and texts him.

"send message to jaehyung"

younghyun:
jae are you okay?
you're making me worried.
please text me back.

no answer.

younghyun grabs his coat and gets in his car to jaehyung's house. while driving, he sees some cops lined up by a bridge. he pulls over and it seems like their pulling something out of the water.

"this is a crime scene, go home." a cop says when he spots younghyun.

"sir if you please, what happened?" he asks.

"there has been a suicide report. we were called over immediately after one person called 911 to try to stop them from jumping. when we got here it was too late. they jumped."

younghyun's tears fell. "t-thank y-you o-officer.."

"no problem." the cop walks away.

younghyun slams the gas on his car to speed to jaehyung's house. when he arrives, he fumbles with his keys and shoves the door open. searching for his boyfriend, he checks every single room that exists in his house. nothing.

younghyun runs straight back to the living room. jaehyung's laptop stays untouched. instead, younghyun sits down and logs into his computer. on the screen was a typed up note that looked like it was just typed up in a rush. the boy read the words out loud.

"younghyun,

i knew you would come here, knowing the circumstances i have involved myself in right now. please don't worry about me because i'm in a better place now. i'm finally happy now. i'm sorry for not telling you about this but i felt it was for the best to keep me happy. i'll never forget you. i'll never forget the memories we shared together. i'm sorry i was selfish in doing this because i sabotaged your happiness too. younghyun, hyunnie, brian, bribri, i love you. i always will, even if i'm gone.

love you always,
jae."

younghyun's tears poured out. he shut the laptop and put his knees up to sob in.

"i-if h-he was s-struggling he s-should've told m-me.." he cried to himself. "i-i'm so s-stupid..."

younghyun stayed in jaehyung's house that night. in the morning he switched on the tv and the news immediately played.

"last night the cops were called near the han river to report a suicide. the bystander who called tried to stop the victim from jumping but it was too late. the victim was identified as a 26-year-old man with blonde hair. his glasses were untouched as they were left. the glasses are now being exami-"

younghyun shuts the tv off. he didn't want to hear about last night.

so it was true.

jaehyung was the one who jumped.

shaking, he grabs his phone and calls a friend.

"please pick up..."

thankfully, they did.

"yah, younghyun, why are you calling this early?" the voice said on the other side.

"s-sungjin..."

"oh no, you're crying. you saw the news, didn't you?"

"y-yes."

"younghyun i'm so sorry. i'm so so so sorry.."

"it's not your fault...."

"it's not yours either."

"but i should've known! i'm so stupid that i just let him go like that."

"it was his choice. there was nothing we could do."

younghyun's sniffles covered the rest of the call.

"i-i'm gonna hang up now o-okay?" sungjin says. "i need to do something. text me if you need anything."

"okay.."

as soon as sungjin hangs up younghyun kinda just sat there. he didn't want to do anything. he misses jaehyung and it's only been a day, but he'll never see him again.

younghyun's memories snapped him back to reality. ever since then, he kept everything. every small thing that reminded him of jaehyung.

"i'm sorry i couldn't save you. i'm sorry i wasn't there enough for you. i'm sorry i couldn't get there in time. i'm sorry that i didn't know sooner." younghyun mumbled. "i could have saved you. you still would've been with me."

the day has gotten darker and younghyun decided to go home. he wanted to stay with jaehyung, but he would end up getting trapped so that wasn't much of a good idea.

"jaehyung, jae, jaejae, chicken little, i miss you so much. i hope you're happy. i love you." he says as his final goodbye for the day. younghyun stands up and walks out the cemetery, looking back every five seconds at the grave.

younghyun still went on with his life. he did think about jaehyung a lot, even on dates when he tried to move on. he did visit the cemetery occasionally, but the visits weren't fairly long. he always ended off each visit with saying 'i love you' and it felt enough to him. day by day younghyun looked like he moved on. though it looked like he did, his heart still didn't.

--------------

i guess this ends off our short little story. i don't expect this to get a lot of attention and i don't really care if it does! but i just want to thank you for reading all the way to the end!! i love u !!!!

i might make another book soon, but i'm not tooooo sure about it. we'll see though!

anyway this is my final goodbye for this book, thank u so so so so much for reading! please look forward to more books from me (＞人＜) !!!

-reese