Silent Secrets

Chapter XXI

A/N

I'M A PIECE OF TRASH I KNOW I'M SORRY.

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Hogwarts classes were like nothing I had ever imagined. Of course, I'd known it wouldn't be anything like what I knew, but I had thought magic to be simple: wave a wand and maybe mutter some mumbo-jumbo, and hey presto! There's a rabbit crawling out of your hat!

Needless to say, this was nothing like the magic I was tasked to perform. Charms was easiest--it was the class that alligned most closely with my expectations of magic. Still, who knew you had to be so specific about the pattern with which you waved your wand?

"Swish and flick!" Professor Flitwick constantly squeaked. "And remember! Wingardium leviosa!"

Very few students caused anything to happen at all, though James managed to set fire to his uniform and a nervous Gryffindor called Frank blew his feather with the puff of air exiting his mouth as he yelled the spell--"As if volume helps with precision," Sirius scoffed.

I glowered at Sirius, who winked lazily at me before gracefully flicking his wand toward his feather, murmuring the incantation under his breath. The feather began to glide upward, but then James elbowed Sirius so his concentration broke, and the feather combusted in midair, the ashes flaking down over Sirius' stunned face and James' open-mouthed laugh.

Next to me, Lily frowned in concentration at her feather, carefully mouthing the incantation and practicing the wand motion in exaggerated slowness, making certain she had every detail correct before attempting to cast the spell.

In the back corner, somewhat obscured by Sirius and James' animated argumentation--"I had it, James!"

"Well, then obviously you can do it again."

"Not if you keep getting in my way!"

"Well, stay out of reach of my elbows, then!"--stood Remus, quietly drawing his wand through the sequence of swishes and flicks, and mumbling the words under his breath in a voice that would have been barely audible even if the room had been dead silent and I had been standing right next to him. His feather lifted off the desk, gently rising at the whim of Remus' wand. He guided it upward and moved his wand in a loop, a smile just touching the corner of his mouth as it followed his movements.

"Excellent work, Mr. Lupin!" Professor Flitwick cried. Half the class twisted to look at him, James and Sirius bearing identical looks of shock that slowly melted into pride for their friend. Briefly, Remus' and my eyes met, and I offered him a small smile. He gave a half-embarrassed, half-proud smile in return.

It was the most interaction we'd had since the incident in the boys' dormitory, several weeks ago. I quickly glanced away toward my own feather, pondering whether to attempt the spell myself, when I was distracted by a determined voice next to me calling, "Wingardium leviosa!" I twisted in my seat and saw Lily, lips pressed together and eyes like flint, carefully guiding her feather into the air.

"And well done Miss Evans! Ten points to Gryffindor apiece, I should think? The rest of you--back at it!" Flitwick smiled at Lily, who spared him a brief answering grin, before her look of deep concentration returned.

"You know," Lily said thoughtfully to me after awhile, her feather still suspended in the air, "this isn't as hard as I made it out to be. In fact, it's rather easier than I heard the older students describing it to be. I wonder if they just wanted to intimidate us, or put us off?"

"Probably," I agreed, shrugging to indicate my lack of knowledge in the matter.

"So, are you going to try?" Lily asked, eyeing my untouched feather and wand.

I shrugged again. "Class ends in five minutes. No point in failing between now and then."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You won't fail."

"Mmph," I grunted, twisting my hands together nervously. In truth, I probably could do the spell. It was listed at the same difficulty level as lumos in our spellbook, and I'd already preformed that one on multiple occassions, before I knew that you weren't supposed to do magic in the summer. However, that did nothing to allay my fears--what if I failed? What if my feather did something crazy--like turned into a rocket or a lightning bolt or some other equally horrible mistake? No, I couldn't risk that. What if I got kicked out?

I knew what would happen: I'd be expelled from Hogwarts, wand would be broken and taken from me, and I'd be stuck again with my dad, locked away in that miserable house, forgotten in a shuttered closet.

I couldn't go back to that. And, therefore, I couldn't afford any terrible accidents, so by extention, I couldn't perform any spell in class until I'd practiced it beforehand. This strategy couldn't endure for long, since some of our teachers graded on our attempts in class, but I hoped I could stretch it out until I had come up with a better plan.

Class ended, and we all packed up our bags as Flitwick hollered something about practicing for homework in his squeaky voice.

"You better take him up on that," Lily advised me as we filed out into the hallway. "I heard he'd check all of us on it next week."

"I'll be sure to practice," I assured Lily, a smile creeping across my face as we headed toward the Great Hall for lunch.

* * *

Later that night, while everyone was in their common rooms working on homework, or the library studying, or munching on a late dinner, I crept into the deserted hallway on the sixth floor and tiptoed toward a classroom one of the other students had pointed out as being unused. The dim lighting in the classroom, its stone walls lit only by a few candles sprouting flickering blue flames upon my entry, didn't bother me.

Setting down my bag on a dusty, abandoned desk, I carefully withdrew a feather and my wand. Setting the feather softly on the desk, I grasped my wand and took a deep breath, practicing the movement a few times until it felt somewhat fluid, and in a whisper I murmured, "Wingardium leviosa."

With wobbling uncertainty, the feather shuddered into the air, as though someone were breathing across it, attempting to lift it with nothing but the power of their breath. I smiled, then rose up on my toes and stretched out my arm, grasping the tail end of the feather and releasing the incantation. Replacing the feather on the desk once more, I repeated the process, practicing for another hour or so, and never noticing the shadow that paused before the room before silently moving on.

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A/N

I felt like updating this story. So sue me.

Idk guys i just feel like i need to bring you up to speed on my plot so im gonna wrap this book up in at least 15 more chapters, and in those 15 somehow manage to cover the basic idea of 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th year. THEN I'll come back to WS, if that's alright with all ya'll.

PS: I AM A PIECE OF TRASH AND I CHANGE MY MIND A LOT AND I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITH SCHOOL AND SOME PERSONAL SHIT SO. UPDATES MAY BE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN I'M SO SORRY GUYS THANK YOU IF YOU STILL READ THIS I DUNNO IF YOU DO BUT THANKS.