Sometimes I really think about some ways to die. The simple ways or the tough ways – death is death, who cares about the way? It would be very easier to die than living a miserable life. But you know what? Though I have nothing going right, though it's getting harder since the day the struggles started, still I am not brave enough to have my own death by me. Or is it another kind of bravery? I don't know, so for now I decided to keep letting things destroy me.
Another evening saved by a warm coffee, I am looking at the city lights from my window. The people, the colorful happy people, are they faking their happiness too? Well, I am not faking my happiness. People can easily tell me I am tired just by looking at me once.
"I never saw a tired face can be this sexy" the handsome tall guy from the Casino told me yesterday. "May be you never saw a tired face before" "I did."
I didn't look at him since I broke the kiss first. But his eyes were like drug, you just can't ignore. "What made you kiss me?" "What do you think, my lady?" " I looked empty, didn't I ? This is the reason. You pitied on me. But I do have my coffee to fill me up." "But I don't know any wine to replace the taste of your lips." "Stop it." "Do you want to know how many times I saw tired faces ?" He took his wine. "Who cares. " "25 times. I killed 25 people with tired faces. I shot their brains while I kept my eyes at their eyes. After the first impulse of bullet, they looked at me with grateful eyes." "Aaah."
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I was almost leaving, then he grabbed my hand. "Do you want me to kill you too ?" "You don't kill anymore. A killer doesn't chew strawberry gum." "Did you like it?" "Kisses don't touch me, strawberry does. Anyways, I have to leave now. It was nice to meet you."
I felt bad for the killer of 25 tired people. If I ever want to be his 26th, should I let him know ? Should I take his number?
I stopped and turned back. The guy was yawning. He looked at me like he knew I would stop.
"Jongin. My name's Jongin."
He passed by my side. The smoke of darkness where he came from, took him again. I stood there for a few moments and then left.
The next morning when I woke up, I wasn't so convinced about Jongin's existence. May be it was my wildest illusion. I tried but I couldn't remember his face. It's fine with me though, I don't want to meet him again.
