Secrets

Eleven

Niall was waiting for me after school. I waved at Harry who smiled and waved back before disappearing into the crowd of students. I turned back to Niall and made my way over, opening the passenger door as Niall climbed in the driver's seat.

"Where did you go during lunch?" Niall asked as he pulled out of the lot.

I looked over at him and bit my lip. He wasn't going to like the answer, but I didn't want to lie to him either. "I went to the park with Harry."

"Wait what?" Niall asked, his head turning to face me for a split second. "Louis..."

"He was apologising," I muttered. "He took the responsibility for all of it and just wanted me to know he felt bad."

"And?" Niall prompted, knowing there was more to be added.

"I know he feels bad," I said simply looking out the window and watching other cars, trying to find Harry again.

"Does he? Or does he just want to do the same thing since you're vulnerable?"

"I'm not vulnerable," I muttered again, crossing my arms while turning to look at Niall. "My head is fucked up, yeah, but I know when someone regrets something. Especially when he does."

"Just because he was your best-"

"We dated," I snapped finally, throwing Niall off. "We dated and it went fucking bad and he fucked up. I don't remember it, he wants it forgotten. We talked, he told me about the rumors and how he pushed for them until he saw what it was doing to me, but it was too late to pull back, then I disappeared and you didn't talk to him, and he really freaked out."

Niall stopped at a red light. "Don't do it, Louis."

"What? Why?" I crossed my arms over my chest while he looked over at me. He had a slight frown on his face like I was being unreasonable, and I know I wasn't. I wasn't doing anything that was wrong or really all that questionable.

"You're so fucking confused right now, and he's using that to his advantage. You guys never dated. I would have known if you dated," Niall argued. "You told me everything.

"We didn't tell anyone. He wasn't ready to be out," I answered, my arms still crossed over my chest.

"When why would you date him?"

"Because I wasn't either!" I shouted, turning in my seat to look at him. "I wasn't ready either and I was scared you wouldn't love me and Mom wouldn't and then it crashed and burned and I didn't want to tell you!"

We pulled up to the house a few seconds later and I got out right away. I didn't wait for Niall's response or anything else. I went straight inside and to my room, which I quickly shut the door to. I pulled out my homework and stuffed ear buds in and turned my music up to drown out anything else.

It didn't stop Niall from coming in anyways. I ignored him until he came over and pulled my ear buds out. "Will you fucking listen for a second?"

"Will you let me figure out what the hell I want to do?" I challenged right back.

"Louis-"

"No! I don't care what happened before. It's now, Niall. If I don't care, no one else fucking should."

"You don't know how bad it got," Niall tried to reason. He grabbed my wrist and pulled the sleeve up my arm eventhough I attempted to keep him from doing it, revealing scars I hadn't asked about yet. I knew about them, I just hadn't ever been able to ask about them. They trailed from my wrist to my elbow, all on the inside. "We've almost lost you too many fucking times, Louis," Niall said softly, "and I'll be damned if I let Harry try to do it again."

The scar that stuck out the most was the one going up vertically on my arm. The rest were horizontal, going from one side of my wrist to the other. The vertical one, it was thicker than the rest. I didn't want to know what made me feel like that. I didn't want to know what he said to make me do that.

I pulled my arm away and pulled the sleeve back down. I avoided looking at him, scared of what he was going to say. It was obvious Niall and I had always been close, so I don't know why I would have avoided telling him something this major.

"Harry isn't the same person you remember in here," Niall told me after a second's pause, tapping my head lightly. I looked up at him and he forced a smile. "I know you want to belive he's changed, but I promise you, he hasn't. I just can't see you like that again, Louis."

I really wanted to go back to the other world. I had Harry and Liam there. I didn't ever try to fucking kill myself there, either. Yeah, maybe my life was on the line there, but at least I had my twin brother and my best friend and boyfriend there. I  forced myself to nod numbly and close my eyes, leaning away from Niall. I didn't want to talk anymore.

I wanted to go to sleep. It was sudden, but it's what hit me. I felt exhausted, probably from the information overload I got. I rubbed my face and shook my head slowly.  "I'm sorry."

"No," Niall whispered. "Don't be sorry. I just want you to know what he doesn't. I know what happened here, where he was competely in the dark to how you actually felt and how you tried coping with it. And you need to know that, too, before you make a decision."

"Why did that coma have to mess with everything?" I asked, looking at Niall, feeling completely lost. "I don't know..."

Niall didn't say anything. Instead he just hugged me. "It's okay. You'll figure it out soon," he said after a long silence. "Get some rest."

I nodded, pulling away from him and falling into the bed. Niall stayed there for a few seconds before standing. "Let me see your phone."

I struggled to pull it from my pocket, but once it was out, I tossed it at him. Not really caring if he caught it or what he did with it after. I closed my eyes and kicked my shoes off.