Please skip if you don't feel like reading my bullshit. I'm just writing this because I don't want to bottle this up. Plus, talking about it tends to help for me. Triggering stuff to you might also be in this, so please skip if you don't feel comfortable or safe reading this, please I care about you.
!Trigger Warning! : Underage drinking, drug abuse, mentions of vomit, and withdrawal (not descriptive)
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So, in high-school I fell into some really bad habits. Drug abuse and drinking.
I was pressured into some strong prescription drugs by some kids at my school. Those were supposed to "help me fit in" and "make me feel better". In reality, they fucked me up into another world. These stupid kids would always tell me that "it was just my body getting used to it" and other bullshit. It was unbelievably stupid of me to even believe them and to continue doing them. Taking those drugs made me feel sick, more ways than one. Then, the drinking started because of those same kids. Luckily, it was nothing more than 5 shots of something.
I dug a big fucking hole for myself right there. I always felt like shit, I was worth nothing, and sometimes I would vomit until nothing was left in my system to come up. My life was spiraling down at such a young age and I thought I was going to die. I thought I was going to die because of this. I knew I couldn't just quit all of sudden without help, withdraw could kill me if I did that.
It wasn't until Richard, motherfucking sweet Richard, saw my life going down and helped me. He was always there for me, helping me with withdrawal. That's when I realize I wasn't the only person who I was hurting because of this. There were days were I didn't feel like getting up from bed, days I almost went back a few steps because my body craved those drinks and drugs. Thank fucking Jesus Richard always stopped me before I could even touch those. Without him always being there for me, I wouldn't be the person who I am today.
So, there's the history. Now those kids I used to hang out with, one of them are working where I work. I thought it wouldn't be bad, until he started talking to me about "the old times" and how he wanted me to get back into those things. That's when everything from the past flashed back before my eyes, all caused by this kid. I was scared. What if this guy really gets me back into drinking and drugs? What if I can't recover? What if my partners leave me because they're tired of my bullshit? What if I fucking die?
I said no and walked away. I was so proud of myself, even though anyone could do that. I should have done that in the first place. But like a fucking idiot, I didn't.
This is why I don't make lots of jokes about drugs or drinking. It scares me about shit I've done in the past. I'm not saying you have to stop making jokes about those things. I'm just explaining why I don't make them or find them funny.
This is why I get mad when kids, teenagers-, do drugs and other stupid shit like this. It isn't fun, it isn't cool and for fucks sake nobody will like you because of it. If someone does, they're most likely lying to you. This shit can fucking end your life, make you miserable, and fuck you up mentally or physically. I understand they might not know that, but schools fucking teach you this shit- it's all over the media about how bad it is for you. It's just hard for me to see someone make the same mistake as me. I wish we can rely more than just the media and schools about stuff like this. Kids don't deserve to fuck up their lives because of one mistake- a mistake that they weren't educated in.
I completely understand if you want to unfollow me or hate me after you reading this. This is something I'm ashamed of doing and wished I never did. Please don't treat me differently as a person if you want to remain as my friend. That was in the past and my past doesn't define me as a person.
Please, if you having trouble with drugs, drinking, etc, I want you to seek out for help. It may seem like the end, but I promise you it's not. Seeking help can save your life, trust me.
Sorry if I disappointed you, I promise I'm fully recovered from that and I'm not going back to it. I usually don't post vents, but I kinda want to get my story out there, y'know? It might help someone out and I'm happy if it did.
