Just Like Seven Years Ago

Breakdown

Sunday progresses, and I try not to let anything Jay says or does get to me. I think I'm not as cheerful as I normally am, and she tries her hardest to get me to be. I put on a cheerful face from time to time for her. It's very hard not to be in a good mood around her. She knows how to make a person smile. I just have so much on my mind.

I'm wondering if these feelings, these little jolts I get, because of her, are anything to feel concerned about. I just want to work through my feelings, but I'm not sure I even know how to. Maybe I just don't want to. I hate to think of Jay like that, but she gives me this certain feeling. The more I'm around her, the more the feeling grows. I just wish I could go back to my teen years and, maybe, tell her how I feel.

Cruising home after more than half the day spent with them, I try to rationalize everything I'm feeling. The more I think about it, the more questions I come up with. Should I make a move? Should I tell her? Should I just hide and see if it goes away? Should I just put some space in between us by seeing less of her? I shake my head. I think that one especially is impossible. She never has taken no for an answer. I feel like I don't even have a choice in the matter.

I reach inside my house, and I just crash on the couch...

"Come out, Jay. Please? I can't go in."

She tucks under the surface of the water playfully a few times, but on the next dip, my smile fades. She is taking longer to resurface. I panic. I scream her name frantically. Still nothing. I must face my fears now. I can't let the woman I love slip away so easily. I jump in and submerge myself, trying to see if I can find her. I can hardly see under the water. I come up for some air, and there Jay is, smiling a few feet away.

I get so angry. I quickly pull myself up on the cement barrier, shaking with fear. I fold my arms, and the tears are instant. She swims to me, and I can see how sorry she is. She knows how much I hate being in any body of water.

She hugs me and whispers, "I'm sorry, Kris."

All I can do is lean into her hug and cry some more. She puts some space between us and wipes at my tears. We're just looking at each other, and she starts closing the gap. My eyes flutter close, and my fear seems to fade away. I feel soft lips brushing against mine. I feel a smile form on my lips, and I lean closer until I can feel hers and do the same. She doesn't allow me to pull away, though, she takes my lips with hers, and I freeze---

I jump from my sleep. I rub at my eyes and drag my fingers through my hair. My breathing is heavy, and I can feel my heart racing. I'm so grateful that it's just a dream. I hate that I even dream of her. Why do I keep dreaming of Jay? What's going on with me lately? I grab my phone to check the time. I've been sleeping for quite some time. It's 7:46 pm.

Not wanting to think of my dream anymore, I head to my shower.
After showering, I go to fix something to eat. I plan on reading until I am sleepy enough to sleep again. I have a new piece I've been meaning to start.

It's 9:28 pm, and I'm heading to my bedroom to read when my phone vibrates in my hand. I see the ID. Jay. Normally, she would have called already. Maybe I missed it while I was sleeping.

"Hey, Jay. What's up?"

I hear sniffles, and I freeze in my step, already feeling so worried.

"What's wrong, Jay?"

"Elsa... "

"What happened to her?"

I'm already making my way to my door. I don't even have on suitable clothes, but I don't care. She needs me. All I can hear is Jay trying to fight tears. I won't let her fight anymore.