0.6 || TXT 6th Member

I'm here too

Alternate Ending for :Family 

I always thought it would be impossible to feel alone, how could I? I'm surrounded by people. I have my family; my mother, my father, who are both still completely head over heels for each other, my friends; and the boys. Yeonjun, Soobin, Beomgyu, Taehyun and Kai-hyung. I have the perfect life.

or at least that's what other people see-

-or maybe it's just what I want them too see, because it's easier that way.

the scars behind the clothes she wore prove that she's been fighting, fighting alone

Easier than telling the truth, and being judged, and ridiculed, and make to feel isolated and secluded, made to feel like I'm not normal.

The truth is nothing like what they see. I'm at the point in my life, where I'm tired of pretending, I'm tired of feeling alone, I'm tired of living

I know what you all are thinking. 'She's just asking for attention,' 'What gives her the right to feel depressed?' But see...that's the funny thing about depression. It doesn't give a fuck what you think

Now you're probably thinking, 'Why isn't she trying to let out her problems to anyone?' trust me, I tried

"Dad, can I talk to you for a moment?" she asked, Byeol was sure she was ready to tell her parents and her members about her depression, and yet, it seems that they weren't. Her father was ignoring her, furiously typing on his laptop, he was rushing.

"Dad"

"Dad!"

"I don't want to talk about your boy problems Byeol"

"It's not about boy problems, Dad. It's kind of important" The phone beside the laptop ringed. He picked it up, looked at Byeol, and said, "We'll talk about this later okay?"

Byeol sighed and turned to the kitchen, where her mother, Soobin, and Yeonjun were.

"Mom, hyungs, can I talk to you for a moment?" 

"Later, sweetie" said her Mother.

"It's kind of important."

"And cooking everyone dinner isn't?"

"But--"

"Honey, later."

Byeol looked at her two hyungs. They looked at her apologetically and mouthed 'Later'

She then walked to the living room, where the rest were; Beomgyu, Taehyun and Kai. They were playing a video game together, all of them looked so immersed in the game that Byeol almost didn't want to interrupt them.

"Guys, can I talk to you for a moment?" 

...

"Guys!"

"WHAT?!"

Byeol jumped, but they were still so focused on the game, it's as if nothing happened at all. As if she was never there in the first place.

I tried

I don't want you to blame anyone. It's no one's fault. Sometimes we just get so caught up with everything around us, we forget who's there right in front of us.

She went back to her room, locked the door, took a box from under her bed, and took the bottle full of medicine and stared at it, tempted to just engulf all of it in one go.

She exhaled a shaky breath, opened the bottle, and put 5 pills on her palm.

Some of you will say this is just a cry for help, but you're wrong. Your only cry for help, if you believe there is help to cry for

Taking her bottle of water from her desk, she put the pills in her mouth and gulped all of it down.

Pill after pill

She took all of it, till the very last pill, until the bottle was empty.

She stood up and leaned on her desk.

Everything was spinning

Her head felt like thousands of sharp pins were poking it

She paced around her room, fanning herself with her hand,

She felt hot, as if she was surrounded with blazing fire.

Her chest was tightening up, making it harder and harder for her to breathe. It's as if all the air was taken away from her

She finally fell down, keeping a tight grip on her chest.

Her moans, groans, and whimpers of pain, frustration, and defeat was unheard by the people below her.

Bubbles were coming out of her mouth.

That was it

She was dying

Her body went limp as she took her final breath.

It's all over, all gone.

Now she's greeting death 

Pain is only temporary, but the decisions we make are final. There are no second chances or do-overs, and it's our family and friends that have to live with these decisions.

The decision I wish I could take back

The decision that I wish now, I didn't make. And although it might be too late for me, It's not too late for you, because despite that everything that has happened, 

this isn't a sad story

I don't want you to cry for me, or feel bad. I don't even want you to think what you could've done to save me.

Because this story isn't about me, it's about you. all of you. And even if you don't see it straight away, 

Someone is always watching, listening and caring.

So don't make the same mistake I did

"Don't ever give up

And when you're at your lowest, and you think you can't go on anymore, just remember...

You're never alone. It's not just you,

because I'm here too"

-Choi Byeol; 2019