Poison

I'm Not A Monster

The family had moved to Australia, that being as.. segregated from the U.S. as they thought they could get. Everything was different there, the cost on everything, the amount jobs paid, the way life was. They bought a house they thought resembled their last one, being unable to give their last one the proper final goodbye, it upset everyone.. especially August. Ethan got a job as a teacher at another high school and.. surprisingly things went back to normal. As normal as they could get, in another country, thousands of miles from home.
August trotted alongside Ethan, a huge smile on his face. He was finally growing accustomed to the new home, the new area and his mood had been lifted more than it.. really ever had been. He was Healthy... happy. He kept a smile on half the time too, giggling about random things. It was the best thing to see him that way, especially sense it had never happened before. But he knew deep down something bad would happen, it always did. Every time he got too happy something really bad would happen just to ruin it. And he feared it. He always did... but he hid it. "How's your day been?" He asked in a happy voice, looking over at him. He was gonna enjoy it while it lasted.
Ethan smiled along with him, each step he took getting lost in each moment. He loved this. He loved everything about August's past couple days. Even on the worst days.. seeing Auggy smile, it always brightened the world. Maybe it's just because.. that's his little brother, he's supposed to be the protector. But that didn't matter to him. Ethan slid his hands in his pockets, the bit of chill from the wind hit his arms due to the sleeveless shirt. He would give small glances to August, just from the corner of his eyes, but this time, he gave Auggy his full attention. "It's been pretty good." He smiled a little wider, showing off those perfect teeth. "How about you?" His eyes traveled back in front of them, but that smile never disappeared.
He looked up at him, widening his smile a little, showing his slightly jagged and gapped ones, the k9's slightly larger, like fangs. "I have been amazing." He replied, his voice holding a joy it hasn't before. It felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off of him, like almost nothing could ruin this. But of course.. it did. Lucy and Live were walking along the same road that they were, Lucy keeping his eyes on the ground with his fingers interlaced with his love's. Of course, nothing was happening yet, but the sight of the two set August off and gave him that bad gut feeling, remembering his defeat from Live, getting his head bashed into the car window and being unable to heal. He bit his lip, hoping he'd just pass. He walked slightly faster, putting himself between them and Ethan. He was younger, he was the baby, but he always wanted to protect Ethan, no matter what it took.
Ethan loved the smile, looking down at his feet as he walked. He nodded and laughed a little, knowing just how great he really had been. "Yeah.. I can tell." He looked at him as he continued on his way, but he didn't notice the two walking in front of them. Not until the smile from August had disappeared, and sped up. Lives eyes stayed in front of them, a tight grip on Lucy's hand. The whole thing with Lucy's breakdown had started to die down, but it went away far too quickly with live. He always put his everything into Lucy, and as much as he hated to think it, it was dangerous. But as he started to look away, right when his eyes were able to register what was in front of them he held on to Lucy's hand tighter, too tight. Pushing them forward to go faster. He didn't want to start anything. He didn't want a fight. But if it came down to that.. he knew Lucy would step in. Just like Auggy wanted to be Ethans protector, it was the same for them. And live hated it. Maybe if he wasn't there, but he was. Ethans eyes darkened a bit, that grey color over exaggerated and the sparkle from the sun seemed to completely disappear. He knew what was happening. "Auggy no.. don't try anything." He pleaded quietly, more of a mumble than coherent words.
August heard his words and registered them, glancing at him but not saying anything. The rings under his eyes seemed to darken, his eyes holding a rage. But he kept a good control. He just wanted to keep himself between them in case something did happen, needing to protect his brother at all costs, ready to die or go back to the shitty vessel for him. Even if he just got this one back. Lucy noticed he change in Lives behavior, looking ahead to see what he was upset about. "What is it?" He asked quietly, speeding up with him and holding on, coming ever closer to the other two. "Did they hurt you?" He asked, raising his brows slightly.
Ethan met eyes with him for just a minute, and in a way, he didn't like the rage that filled them. But he continued to walk behind him, just trying to keep up. Live though, he didn't give Lucy a glance, just a few words. "It's nothing. Just keep going." But they were getting too close, seeing August so close, so detailed, he let images flash through his mind, thoughts of the two of them going at it. His hands started to shake a little. He was making himself angry. But he pushed it aside. He couldn't tell Lucy the truth, and he hated it.
Lucy noticed the shaking, looking him dead on the eyes and recognizing that look. "One of them hurt you. Which one was it?" His voice was quiet enough that neither of the other two could hear, just enough for Live. "Tell me or I'll get both of them." He said softly. He wasn't really all there, not realizing what he was saying. But he was going to follow through with his promise one way or another.
Live stopped, meeting the boy's eyes. "Lucy please.. I just... I want to go home." He grit his teeth, his eyes full of pleading. He didn't want to see this. But he didn't see a way out of it. That look Lucy held was not good, it was either one, or both. There's no ways around it. "If I tell you, can we leave?"
Lucy looked at him, nodding softly. "Let me deal with it and we will go home." He said, his voice holding an unsteadiness. He was going right back to that dangerous state he always tried so hard to conceal, but when it came to this and few other things, there was no concealing it. August caught the way they stopped walking, slowing down himself to keep from getting closer. He needed to figure out what the fuck they were going to do before he let Ethan anywhere closer to them.
Live couldn't say anything, a desperate look on his face. "It... it was the tall one.." he started, looking down at Lucy's feet. "He's the one that.. stabbed me." He loosened the grip on Lucy's hand, knowing if he didn't, Lucy would just pull away anyway. Ethan slowed as well, watching them in the distance. "Auggy.. I think we have to go.." he grabbed his hand, ready to turn around and leave. They could find another way home.
Lucy let go of his hand, turning and looking at Ethan. "You fucking stabbed him?" He hissed, loudly. His voice was broken, outraged. August heard the tone, seeing that look. His own eyes lit up with fire, glaring. "Stay the fuck away from him." He snarled, keeping Ethan behind himself protectively. He held loosely onto his hand, ready to fight if need be.
Ethan jumped a little, hating the fact that Auggy was standing in front of him. He knew this is how it was gonna be. He pushed Auggy to the side, stepping up. "Yeah, I did." He growled a little, digging his nails into his palms. Live reached out and grabbed the back of Lucy's shirt. "Babe stop it." He pleaded, looking at Ethan. "I'm sorry, come on." He tried to pull him away, but to no avail.
August tensed up with Ethan's push, looking over at him. Then his gaze shot to Lucy and Live, seeing the crazed man and the look on his face. That smile that was slowly growing, the way the atmosphere instantly switched. He tanned hold of Ethan's hand, trying to make him back down, to make him stay behind him and let him handle it. He could sense Lucy wasn't right, and that he was a dangerous man. And he knew good and damn well Ethan wouldn't be able to handle being here for any kind of fight, seeing it.. let alone getting hurt. Lucifer watched the panicked teenager trying his best to push Ethan to safety, smiling that god awful smile he did when he got like this. He turned his head to Live, his voice far beyond normal. "Let me handle this first." He pulled away, walking towards the two. He threw August hard to the concrete, making his body slide out hard on the road, getting road burn. It healed fast though, but not fast enough. As he boy cried out in pain, rolling out of the way just in time to avoid getting hit by traffic, he could see it. That thing getting closer to his brother. And that set him off. He stood quickly, those shadows forming around him once more, all of them fading from the shadows of objects around to be around him. Out of all the demons, all the sons of Satan or Adrian, he was one of the most powerful. His eyes sparked and struggled, as if he was trying to fight it, but losing. "Get away from my brother." His demonic voice rang through Lucifer's head, but the man took a step closer to Ethan. Ignoring the boys warning. His own eyes had a terrible hint of delight to them, like he was really enjoying the tension. The fear and anger.
Ethan stepped back a little, on pure instinct. But before he could react, August was away from him, on the road. That's when he could really see the look that Lucy was giving. Lucy was different. That was clear now. His eyes went wide, he stumbled back weakly. He knew he couldn't do anything to hurt him. So if he wanted to stay alive, if he wanted to keep Auggy even decently safe, he'd had to let him take control. Even though Ethan could feel all of it, the thickness in the air, he didn't see what was going on behind him, he didn't see Auggy slowly breaking again. "What are you gonna do?" He hissed, his voice showing no hint of the panic that was actually deep down. "Kill me?"
Lucifer laughed, looking deep into his eyes. "Maybe." He said easily. But before he could do anything, August walked up behind him, his eyes glowing a fierce and terrifying red. He grabbed Lucy's shoulder and threw him as hard as he could into traffic, letting the vehicles run over him and trap him. But it was a huge four lane, no one had time to stop, nor did they really notice. They were careless. His body was torn apart and mutilated, healing over just to be damaged again. Blood going... all over the road. Everywhere. August listened to his screams and the sounds of his body breaking. He let a giggle escape his lips, watching so happily. He was already broken, the real August underneath losing all control and unable to fight against this thing. The shadows going in and out of him, taunting both live and Ethan, showing them there was no bringing him back. They had full control of the boy. He looked at Ethan, his hair fall over his face, dimming the color on his face so you could only see the shadows and his glowing eyes. "Kill.." he mumbled quietly, looking over at Live. He wasn't aiming to kill either one of them initially but those cravings and urges.. he needed more blood. He needed their pain. He looked at the boy being torn apart on the road, licking his teeth. "Kill.. kill.." he mumbled.
Ethans eyes went wide, now looking towards the road. "No.. no Auggy stop!! Stop it!!" He begged him, glancing over at live, desperate to do anything to make him stop. But live was frozen, only looking at Ethan. It didn't last long though, live reaching out and grabbing August. "STOP IT GODAMNIT!!!" He growled, Ethan lookin at him. He would've stopped him, but he was trying to help.
August felt them both surrounding him and started laughing louder, but suddenly went silent, grabbing his head in pain. "STOP IT." He screamed, the shadows exploding around him and throwing both of them far away from him onto their asses. "SHUT UP." He held his head, pulling at his hair and stumbling in circles for a moment, like he was trying desperately to fight against it. And it was Terrifying to watch. Lucifer managed to get away from his own grizzly demise, lifting August up with his power and making his eyes, mouth, and nose bleed. Now he was too distracted by the boy to even think about Live or Ethan, outraged by being thrown into traffic. He just laughed, watching him struggle in pain the same way his children had. Watching him writhe. He looked determined to kill him, not caring about if anyone saw what he was doing. But just holding the boy there and making him bleed, dying ever so slowly.. it wasn't enough. He slammed him down on the pavement, right on his head, watching his head bust open and bleed. The boy let out a shrill scream, one more powerful and ear poet than he'd ever released before, bending some of the light poles around them and making the power shut off to some of the buildings around them, putting a pain in the mortals heads they'd never forget. It even dazed Lucifer for a moment.
Ethan felt himself being thrown a bit away, falling on his ass, he hit his head against a building. The pain was too much to fight, closing his eyes and lying there. Live sat several feet away from him, covering his face. Both of them were far too hurt to try to fight back. But Ethan knew he had to do something, seeing August lift in the air with Lucy's magic. He stumbled to his feet, limping his way to them. "S-stop it!" His voice was weak, but loud. "Leave him alone! It's me you want!!" It took a lot to speak, let alone yell over the traffic.
Lucifer didn't even register Ethan's voice, too... entranced by the work of art he was creating. August resembled his kids way too much, that little bit of weakness, that little bit of resistance. He flinched at the boys shrieking, letting him fall to the ground. August would have curled up and cried, if it were August. The body stood, letting the arms fall limply to his sides as he blood dropped off of his face and onto the ground. He watched it drip for a moment, becoming more hungry for blood. He laughed, looking up at him as he head somewhat rolled on his shoulders. He rushed Lucifer, not even using Magic. He wanted to do it with his own two hands, using a... special.. blade to stab into the man's chest, pinning him to the ground by sitting on his groin. He drug the knife down his body, watching the clothes rip apart and the skin tear open. "BLEED!" He screamed, his voice distorted and damaged. Lucifer screamed in pain, trying to shove him off. He felt the tears forming, screaming for Live. "LIVE HELP ME!" He screamed, letting his voice become desperate and pained. He tried to shove the boy off in any way he could, feeling that pain of being torn open. Feeling him rip out his insides and play with them. August was cutting at his organs, cutting at everything inside of him. He didn't however, feel himself trying to heal, and that was what brought him back so easily. That instinct his body had that this wasn't right. Something was bad wrong, and he needed to be in a sane mindset.
Live jumped to his feet, Lucy didn't have the upper hand anymore. "Fuck..fuck.." he ran to the two, grabbing August and pushing him off of Lucy. He didn't give him a second glance though, too afraid to look. Something was wrong. Something was really really wrong. Ethans eyes went wide, he recognized that blade. "Shit...." he mumbled under his breath, running to them just a bit behind Lucy. He grabbed August, pulling him away from the other two. "STOP IT AUGUST!!" He wasn't pleading anymore, he wasn't begging. He sounded stern, angry. He took a hold of his hair, making him look at him. "I SAID STOP!!"
Lucy tried to look at the wound created by the boy, but he couldn't sit up. The pain was too much. His eyes were glowing brightly, his body struggling to fix itself but being unable, he reached up for Live, taking any comfort he could. His hands were covered in his own blood, and he was marking Live with it. "Is it bad..? I don't wanna die why aren't I healing.." He was mumbling incoherently, his mind fading out. He looked over at the insane boy, fear striking him. That's what he was like, and this was how everyone else felt. He'd never felt this way before. August screamed when he was pulled away, swinging the blade at the man who'd stolen him away from his prey and barely missing. He struggled to get away, dropping the blade and fighting against Ethan. When looking back into the man's eyes, he only grinned. "GET OFF ME." He ordered angrily, sending Ethan flying to a building and making him hit, but not too hard. Just enough to stun him. He looked at Live and Lucifer, laughing again. "I can kill both of you!" He laughed, stumbling over to them.
Lives eyes blurred with tears, his cheeks burned. He didn't want to look. He didn't want to see how bad it was. "Y-you're not.. you're not going to die Lucy.. I promise.." he begged himself to believe it. He didn't even know how he felt. Ethans heart dropping to the floor when he seen the way august looked at him, like he was nothing. Like Ethan was just another object in his way. But he didn't have time to react, being thrown away again. This time, he stood up quicker. He couldn't... he couldn't let this happen. He knew how bad August was. This was the worst he'd ever been. And he knew.... he knew August wouldn't come back from this. He couldn't look at him long. Seeing the blade on the ground, his back turned to Ethan. He reached down, shaking as a tear ran down his left cheek. Maybe.. maybe if he just.. hurt him a little. His entire body was weak, shaking. He couldn't handle it. Only a few inches behind him, he heard him yelling his sickening taunts. He closed his eyes, struggling to raise his arm, he grabbed August's shoulders, making him turn to look at him. But within half a second, he slid the blade into his brothers stomach. His eyes were dark, his hair fell slightly over his eyes. Tears stained his face, blood in places that didn't seem natural. He couldn't move his hand from the handle of the blade. He couldn't look away from his brother.
Lucifer grabbed his hand, holding on tightly like his life depended on it. "Why aren't I healing.. it feels so weird.." he felt his tears start to pool around his head. "I can't die.. I can't leave you.." he mumbled, trying to sit up. To move. To do anything. And when August stood over them, he strained that much harder. To protect Live. But the more he move, the more blood spilled. August stopped dead when he felt Ethan impale him, his eyes widening and looking down at the blade, at his brothers hand wrapped around it. "E-Ethan.." he mumbled, his eyes traveling up to Ethan's. "You.. you stabbed me..?" He asked, his body giving in to it, the pain and shock. The knife went deep, hitting the right things. His legs gave out, and he fell onto Ethan, grabbing his shoulder as his legs struggled to pick his body back up.
Ethan let out a choke, a whine. He felt August lean against him, falling on him. You couldn't handle it. He let go of the blade finally, wrapping his arms around him as he fell to the ground. But he kept his grip on him. "I'm...im s-sorry.." he choked on his own tears, hiding his face in his hands. "August.. August I'm sorry..." he let his tears soak August's hair, tangling his fingers in it.
August held onto him for a minute, his eyes staring at nothing for a minute before looking down at the blade, still sticking out of his stomach. His mind was a frenzy two seconds before, but the shadows went right back into him as they always did, his eyes dulling. His mind was completely blank. "You.. you stabbed me.." he mumbled again in shock, leaning his head back. He couldn't tell if he was stable again or not, he couldn't tell if this was even real. He didn't feel the knife anymore, just.. numbness. He wrapped his own fingers around the handle, twisting it as he tried to pull it out. He got it out, letting it rest overtop of the wound as his arm dropped to his side. "Why.." he mumbled again, just like the first time he got this bad.. he didn't remember what he did, and he didn't understand why he was being punished.
Ethan watched.. unable to speak. He just... looked at him, letting his mind run. Trying to understand all of it himself. "Im...im so..sorry..." he looked at him, amazed he was even pushing through it but.. seeing the way he was looking at him.. the way he was acting.. he wouldn't be surprised if.. if he did kill him this time. And he.. wouldn't fight it.
August heard those words, closing his heavy eyes. He was hurt. Badly. He let he warm tears roll down his face, not fighting them, or the exhaustion. "S-Stop saying t-that..." he stuttered, moving his hands to the wound again. Feeling it. He looked down at it, trying to sit up. "It doesn't.. even hurt.." he smiled, dropping again. He just got this body back, he was happy. "T-Today was a good day.." he didn't understand why.. why was he hurt..? What did he do..? He felt more tears roll, too weak to let out sobs even if he wanted. Why was it every time something good happened, it blew up?
He watched him fall, reaching out for him again. "Oh god... what.. what did I do..." he mumbled to himself quietly, gripping on to August. He kept apologizing under his breath, even with August's demands to stop. He didn't want this. He didn't want to hurt him. He didn't want to kill him. But he didn't have a choice. He was choking on his own tears, covering his mouth. He didn't know what to do. He was so helpless.
August listened to him, trying to get up and walk it off. He wanted it to be a dream. "I-i wanna go.. h-home.. Ethan.." He mumbled. He was trying to remember what he did so wrong to deserve Ethan stabbing him. His own brother. "P-Please..?" He pleaded, But he was getting too tired to fight it anymore, resting his head against the concrete as he held the wound.
Ethan grabbed his hand. Maybe.. maybe he didn't.. kill him. "We..we can go home. We can go." He didn't know what he was supposed to do.. but he wanted to get them home. He was wrong. He was so deadly wrong and he fuckin hated himself for it. He knew Auggy wouldn't be able to move, weakly lifting him off the ground with both his arms. "You're.. you're gonna be okay Auggy.." he had to get him help, he had to get him home. He couldn't even think. He knew if Auggy did live through this... he didn't even want to think about it..
August let him lift him up, letting himself go to sleep there. He didn't.. he didn't know if he'd wake up this time. He didn't know if anybody wanted him to. Ethan stabbed him and he didn't even know why. Maybe it was just.. time to go. Maybe Ethan was finally done. He wasn't angry at him for it. He deserved it. Before he finally went to sleep, he managed to say one last, quiet thing. Words with underlying pain, words that hurt. "I.. I'm sorry.. I.. I love.. mmm.." he faded off like a small child too tired to fight sleep. His whole body just going limp in the man's arms.
Days had passed, Ethan walking back and forth from his brothers room and to the bathroom. He didn't leave those two areas though. Right now, he sat in the bathroom, on the edge of the tub with eyes on the bottom of the open door. He couldn't stay in August's room too long at a time. Every time he'd look at Auggy, all he could see was him smiling, so relieved and enjoying every passing moment just... minutes before.. all of this. He let his eyes roam, falling to his knuckles. They were stained with dried blood, still covered in blood from those days ago, he hadn't changed, or showered. The shattered mirror covered the floor, filling the sink like water would. The shower curtains thrown around, the once neatly placed mat by the tub, now across the room. Holes in the walls, cracks in picture frames, little things like tooth brushes thrown around on the floor. The entire place was trashed, and when everyone was around, he locked himself there. But he stood, gritting his teeth. He needed to go back, he needed to keep an eye on his brother. So.. he forced his legs to move, slow, unsteady steps that looked and felt more like a limp. Standing by the bed over him, he was watching him. His eyes were closed, his body limp. He looked lifeless, and the awful... painful.. red stain on his shirt with the Rip right on his stomach.. it only made it worse.
August hadn't really.. woken up at all over the few days. Maybe he'd make a sound every now and then, but other than that he was almost completely comatose. But.. this time when Ethan looked down at him, there was more than a twitch, more than a gentle, helpless sound. The boys eyes fluttered open, struggling at first. But once he got them open, he stared up at the ceiling for a minute with Ethan in his side vision. Trying to remember all of it.. bits and pieces coming to mind. The pain of that cold blade. Ethan being the last thing he saw. His body tensed up and he moved both hands to the bandaged wound on his stomach, wincing in pain as he forced his body to sit up, forcing it to overwork itself. The pain brought tears to his eyes that he wouldn't let fall, instead, he kept staring. Now at the wall that he was placed to face.
Ethan didn't have time to blink. He seen the struggle the boy was having to open his eyes and he felt something. A wave of realization hitting the wall of daze he's had up for so long. He reached out, watching the boy jump up. "No!" He didn't yell, but it was the first time he'd spoken since that day. So his voice came out dry, weak, broken. He put a hand on him. "Don't.. do that." He glanced at the chair that was by the boy's bed that he'd placed there a couple days ago but it had been abandoned after a couple hours. He sat there, not moving his hand. "Lay down Auggy..." he felt his eyes tear up, this.. heaviness in his chest only grew. His brother was alive. He was awake. He was okay. And now.. now Ethan was the one who hurt him, and he knew it.
Auggy heard his voice, his eyes traveling to him. He wanted to cry, wanted to get up and run off to be alone and pout. But he didn't. He just looked at him, slowly sliding back down to lay down again as he was told. He kept his hands on the wound, guarding it, opening his own mouth to speak. His own voice was the same as Ethan's, but it was more hoarse, cracking with almost every word. "Why..?" He asked quietly, that being the only thing he could think to say. "What did I do...?" His voice didn't hold fear, or anger. It was just hurt. He wasn't angry at Ethan for stabbing him, he wasn't scared of him for it. He was just... hurt. And he would heal with time, he just.. didn't understand yet.
Ethan pulled his hand away, moving his hair from his face. He didn't know how he would say it, how he would explain himself. There's no way to really justify himself. But he knew that's what he had to do, right? If Auggy wouldn't find a way to come back from that he'd have to kill him. That was the only way.. right? For the first time in days, he took a deep breathe, closing his eyes. "I.." he cut himself off. He had no right to apologize, or to cry. He looked to the side, unable to keep contact with him. "I didn't.. have a choice August." His voice started to strengthen, one into more of an empty, emotionless voice. "You were... you weren't yourself. You went.. too far." He bit his lip, choking down any tears that fought their way to his eyes. "I had to do it."
August looked up at him, listening to his words. He did it again. He went too far, and Zeke wasn't there to save him this time. He nodded a little, watching him. He understood a little better now, feeling worse. "I.. I'm sorry Ethan.." he said softly, his voice breaking again, this time it was from tears. He had no right to cry and he knew that, but he wasn't strong enough to fight it right now. "I'm sorry.." he repeated, closing his eyes and resting his head against the pillows on his bed. He put Ethan in a bad place, giving him no other choice to try to kill him. He knew Ethan didn't want to, he couldn't have wanted to.
Ethan looked at him again, watching the tears fall, letting his apologizes sink in. "Stop saying you're sorry." He bit down on his lip, feeling something growing in his stomach. It hurt, the air was so thick and heavy, it felt like the wall were closing in on the two of them. But he closed his eyes, forcing himself to stay in his seat. "You need rest." He stated blankly, standing to his feet. "I'll leave you alone."
August watched him stand up, forcing himself to sit up again and hiding the pain. "Ethan.." he mumbled, trying to reach out for him. He was crying a little harder now, his shaky hand trying to grab his shirt, which was stained with his blood. It hurt him to see him like that, it hurt to hear his voice so void of emotion. All of it just hurt. He didn't know what he was supposed to say, or how to fix it. "It's okay.." he mumbled, struggling to find words.
Ethan froze, his eyes at the door. Feeling his grip on him, hearing him so desperately trying.. he'd been on edge for days but this.. this is pushed him too far. He let on tear fall, then another. His arm moved up to his face, a quiet, desperate choke mumbled from his hand. His shaking that had gone away after the first couple hours of August slipping away coming back, hitting ten times harder. He turned around, the blood shot, dark eyes meeting with August's. He pulled his hand away from his face, using the opposite to grab the others hand. He sat down, putting his head down on the bed beside august, but refused to let go of him. He couldn't fight his own tears, feeling pathetic for it.
August held onto him tightly, watching how bad off he was. "It's not your fault.." he finally said, holding himself up and using the other hand to run his fingers through Ethan's hair. "Y-You're gonna be okay.." he was dizzy, trying not to fall over. He didn't care how much it hurt to sit up, he didn't care how much it hurt to think that this was his fault, he only cared about helping him. Making him feel better.
Ethan kept his face hidden, feeling the boy's hands through his hair only worsened his tears. He wanted to leave, he wanted to walk out and let Auggy get better. But he couldn't. He almost could, but August made it so.. so hard. He squeezed his hand a little tight, trying everything in him to stop crying, to make August lie back down. But he was too weak.
August watched for a minute, not wanting him to leave. He knew Ethan was hurting, he knew how he was. He knew how he was feeling right now. But he knew he wanted to go. He knew he should stop holding him back, and let him be. But he didn't know if that was a good idea. "I.. I'm sorry.." he said, finally laying back down. His stomach hurt worse than it had when he first woke up, putting his hand the bandages again. "I.. I'm sorry I made.. made you do that.."
Ethans hand slipped away when august lied back down but he managed to hold his breath long enough to let himself speak. His voice was still weak, but this time breathy and shaky. His hand traveled up to his shoulder, holding on to it as he forced himself to sit up. "Shut up.." he mumbled, looking at the boy's hand over the bandages. He tried to push down those thoughts, the memories that were pushing through his mind. That's all he could say.. a quiet snuggle rang through the silent house.
August silenced himself with those words, feeling everything kind of collapse. He dug one of his fingers into the bandages, the spot right about the actual injury, making him wince. He deserved this. It was his fault. This was his punishment, but Ethan... he didn't deserve the pain he was feeling. And August knew he couldn't do anything to fix it. He didn't say anything else, didn't even really look at him, he just kept his finger jabbed into the wound almost unnoticeably, feeling more tears roll, his eyes closed.