The inside of my mind

One minute

This I believe

A lot can happen in a minute. Sixty fast seconds. On June 28, 2018 at 1.21 PM, I typed in a message that said "I'm really gonna miss you". At 1.22, i was upside down, suspended by my seatbelt in a ditch dialling 911.

In the following days I tried to process the events that seemed to be stuck in a constant loop in my head. It's funny, when you come out alive of something like that, all the nice things people have to say to you. People say things they never would have said before. they value you more than normal. they suddenly forgive you for everything, because whatever they were mad at you for becomes insignificant in comparison to the thought of losing you.

So, my question is, if life can be gone so quickly and so unexpectedly, why don't we say those things before we might not get the chance to? It can be hard to live in such extreme way: a lot of people might not know how to respond. But there are certain times when it's better to say too much than to not say enough. Because really, what's the harm? Even if you're hurt or embarrassed, it never lasts forever; that's the beauty of time. Eventually, things fade. Why wouldn't you say too much?

And while you're at it, love too hard. I don't think it's possible to love someone or something halfway. Either you do it, or you don't. So if you do, give it everything. Att least if it fails you'll know you laid it all out there. Pride gets in the way of a lot of potentially beautiful moments. After a while, all the little things you don't say start to pile up. And then you're left with a heavy heart and all kinds of regret. All because you wanted to stay safe. I've gone into relationships where i knew heartbreak was practically a guarantee and I went for it anyway just off the chance that I might find something rare. I'm an endlessly hopeful person in that way. I ended up getting hurt. I'm still here and I'm a better person because of it. You can't let hurt change you, as hard as it might try. Stay vulnerable, stay kind, stay understanding, and stay gentle. We are a result of the experiences life hands us and how we react to those experiences. If all of your experiences have been somewhere in that "halfway" range, what kind of person does that make you? Of course, not every day has to be extraordinary. That isn't realistic when you factor in all of the responsibilities and obligations we have to keep up with. And honestly, for me, sometimes living life to the fullest means going back to bed. But we can do ourselves a small favor by saying what we need to say, and then saying a little bit more.