If You Knew Me (Bigbang's GD Oneshot)

~If you knew me~

GD FROM BIGBANG ONESHOT

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Another simple day for me.Once I woke up,I opened my laptop to check if GD had followed me back on social media.

But of course nothing.

It seems normal to me though.He doesn't even know that I exist,he doesn't even know me,why would he follow me back?Why am I being so stupid for hoping that something like this would ever happen?Something clearly impossible?

However, if he had done that,if he had followed me back,he would have given me a sign that he knows that I exist and he would ease the pain I feel all these years.He would make me believe that I am someone important and that would give me strength to continue on living happily.

Still,I am just a girl who has several psychological problems for almost five years.I just feel that I can't fight it anymore.It hurts me a lot.

Almost no one is here for me.Not even my parents.The people who gave birth.They left me when they learnt that I had psychological problems,but it's all their fault in the first place.They were hitting me everyday because they were both alcoholic and then they abandoned me.But...that's better for me to be honest.They had never thought about me.They didn't know that I was so sad and they never asked me if I was fine.They were always making me feel like a trash.

The only person that was and still is here for me,is my aunt.She takes care of me and she pays for my treatment.

But,I know that I won't be with her forever.

And it pains me more that I don't have any friends.When they learnt that I had these kind of problems,they started getting away from me.That caused me to hurt myself.

When I hurt myself,I don't feel pain at all.I just feel happy.I don't know if that makes sense,but this is the truth.Weird right?

When I am thinking about my situation,I feel pathetic.My ex boyfriend made me feel pathetic aswell.When he left me.He was my first boyfriend.My first pure love.

-FLASHBACK-

"I ... love you" I finally I told him.He looked at me and a smirk appeared on his handsome face."Why didn't you tell me earlier?Why did I have to learn it from your friend?" He happily asked me and a hope grew inside me.By saying these words....I realised that he may likes me too."I was...shy" I looked down and I felt my cheeks warming up. "You didn't have to be shy.I like you too" When he said that,my heart started racing and a smile plastered on my face.I looked up to him and he leaned in order kiss me on the lips.His lips were soft and warm.He stole my first kiss.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

I can't believe that I had actually fallen for him.To be honest he seemed to care about me,but with the first difficulty he left.He left like everyone else.

Anyways,3 years have passed after our break up and I have already gotten over it.

I still hurt myself though,because it has become an addiction to me and a way of expressing my feelings.Of course,my aunt doesn't know that and I don't want her to know it.

After my parents,my friends and my boyfriend turned their back to me,Bigbang came into my life.

And G-Dragon made me love Bigbang even more.

When I listen to his songs,I feel like I have nothing to be afraid of.

That's why I am so obsessed over him and I wake up thinking about him.I have also woken up in the middle of the night to check if something new has been uploaded for him.