More Than a Picture

It memes more than you think

When I first realized I was an ace, one of the first places I went was instagram. Not to say anything; just to find other people like me. Whether or not my generation is addicted to our phones, Instagram is familiar, and it's nice to have something consistent when everything else is confusing.

Nearly all posts about asexuals could be sorted into two groups: positivity and memes, with significantly more in the former. They were reassuring at first, but seeing only validation became boring after a while. I didn't understand why that was the main thing the account posted.

It was around April, I think, when I first out that asexuals actually weren't accepted by some members of the LGBTQ+ community. I was scrolling through the explore page when I saw a meme essentially saying that bisexuals had to be protected from aces. Obviously, I was confused. Of all the ace and lgbtq+ accounts with ace admins, not a single one had ever said anything bad about bis. In fact, the only times they'd mentioned bis, it was either bi positivity or saying bi, pan, and ace solidarity because a lot of people didn't believe any of us existed.

Trying to figure out what the meme meant, I went to the comments section. Instead of clarification, I found furious rants saying that asexuals were "just looking for attention," "dumbasses," "autistic," and "unworthy of living." There were several other comments saying that asexuality was a birth defect and that no one liked asexuals.

The only thing that sets us apart from everyone else is our lack of sexual attraction. How was that hurting other people?

Determined to understand the meme, I kept scrolling, until I found someone asking the same question. I excitedly tapped to see the replies. 

-No one likes asexies

-It's because aces keep pretending they're lgbtq+

-but we are?

-No tf u aren't

And that was the end of the conversation. How could aces not be part of the LGBTQ+ community? It was for non cishet sexualities. How could I be cishet if I was asexual? Sure, I'm cisgender, but I'm asexual. Why did they think that that meant I was heterosexual?

Over the next few months, I unintentionally delved deeper. Going onto the acediscourse hashtag to see if it was true that people called it discourse to debate the validity of asexuality. Looking at the comments of any post mentioning asexuality, good or bad. Scrolling through the explore page.

There was always acephobia. 

The most confusing part was that everything they said about asexuals had no base. 

"Asexuals always make things about themselves." Even accounts solely for asexuality posted positivity for other sexualities.

"Asexuality isn't real." What was I, then?

"Asexuals hate lesbians." The majority of these things were posted by lesbians. If anything, it was the other way around. 

"Asexuals aren't oppressed." Why do you say that as if it's a bad thing? Why are you mad at us for not being discriminated against?

From other lgbtq+ accounts, I'd been absorbing encouragement to come out to people. I'm not good with opening up, but I figured I owed it to my friends to tell them. They were all Gen Z, anyway, what could go wrong. And I know I shouldn't have been worried, but one of my friends was lesbian, and all I could think about after telling her was the acephobia from lesbian accounts. We were super close, and we didn't talk to much for the rest of the day. None of my classes lined up with her, but our lockers were near each other, and I usually saw her in the hallway.

Did she think I was just an attention-seeker? Did she think I hated her? 

It was a Friday, so I had to go into the weekend doubtful. 

On Saturday, my phone buzzed, showing she'd DMd me. Was she mad? Were we still friends? I quickly went to check it. And there, from an ace positivity account, was one of the posts I'd gotten tired of seeing, except this time, I was ecstatic.

All asexuals are valid and deserve love!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

All aromantics are valid and deserve love!💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

All aroaces are valid and deserve love!💕💓💗💖💘💝💗💓💞💕💝💘💖💕💞💓💗💖

Maybe I was a hypocrite about assuming something about an entire group because of the actions of a few of them.