Fleeting Moments (An Angels of Death Reader-Insert)

Prologue

Life was ever changing, for better or worse. There were times that made all adversity seem minute in comparison to a few seconds of contentment; and there were times that appeared to drawl, forcing one into a nearly endless routine of solemnity before the existential questions pervaded the mind to a state of bleakness, if not apathy.

The latter could be said for you. Granted, you understood the restraints of adulthood at an earlier age than the majority of your generation. There were responsibilities and obstacles to be addressed. They were crucial to life, meaning you couldn't avoid them forever. They were necessary. To live in your current society, you had to endure strife if you wanted to be successful. You needed to prove yourself to be a valuable asset, especially when anyone out of the billions of people on the planet could replace anyone.

To cope with the harsh reality, you simply accepted the issues as a part of your responsibility. That was all there was to it. Straightforwardness upheld your patience and sanity.
Without family and friends around, who were all either on the same mission to become top dog through honest efforts, waiting for life to take pity on them for their easily avoidable shortcomings, or just plain dead, you focused on yourself. Isolation enhanced your competence as a proficient worker, as well as your independence.

In turn, you attracted your fair share of admirers, maybe more than most could honestly admit. You couldn't have cared less though. Fame proved to be more of a nuisance than an honor. On the upside, your reputation intimidated most haughty individuals, scaring them off effectively. Others were quick to realize that you had little interest in intimacy. They shied away or stuck around, claiming you were friends in the workplace. The handful that persisted would learn eventually... Hopefully.

Maybe that one character with the occupations of both youth counselor and doctor was the only other individual who was as enthusiastic towards his work as you were diligent. He was the closest you could call a "friend". Neither of you told your histories, but that was mainly your fault. You didn't want him to counsel you, to invade your privacy. He had some need to tell you about his psychologically-damaged children, not to mention that he wanted your full attention any time he wished to chat, much to your annoyance.

Perhaps you could have let in some people, or you could have been more tactful with your rejections. However, you were being honest, and you mentally commended those who confessed to you for their courage. For all you knew, and from secondhand experience, newcomers wanted the easy route to success, and you could be the next pawn for someone's personal gain. You had a different agenda than to become a trophy wife nor be tied down for the sake of it. Eventually, you would seek companionship, but it currently wasn't the time. Until you accomplished what you set out to achieve, you planned to not falter.

So, here you were, at the age of 22, as a doctor-in-training and a medical student. You were numbed to death, and your cool demeanor allowed for you to participate in more stressful operations. As for the classes, you breezed through them with little effort and the highest marks, being as simple as knowing your own name. It would be several years before you received your certificate. Luckily, your paid internships during the breaks (and scholarships) gave you more than enough funds to sustain yourself, even if all you did was file papers and observe over shoulders.

You were satisfied with living alone in a two-bedroom apartment with minimalist furniture. You didn't need anything beyond the essentials to be "happy". You were fine watching your reflection with void eyes that stared back in the mirror every night, eyes drained of their former color(s). You didn't mind when a tom cat asserted itself into your home. 

You worked with what you had. You worked to live. When you were done, you would relax. You told yourself that.

All the while, a tiny voice gnawed the back of your mind. It was the only shred of doubt you had left, what held you back from absolute peace.

Are you happy?