Cheeky in Love (Completed)

Chapter Nine

Fulfilling Zsuzsi's demands, I didn't meet Adri for months. I still couldn't figure out why I held so strong onto a relationship that made me feel good so rarely. I went back to my pretending days, which made Zsuzsi much happier, but for me it meant sleepless nights and several hours spent staring at the ceiling whenever we slept together. I always wondered why I can't finally end my misery - not THAT way - but couldn't make the move. The only things I managed to lose, were my longing after Adri, and a few kilos I really shouldn't have because it made me look like Ally McBeal.

It's probably needless to say, despite Zsuzsi's ultimatum, and the probe she stuck in my ass, I still talked with Adri for hours on the work phone at least once or twice a week. I was finally able to see our relationship in a platonic way, so at least my self-punishment had an upside. Curiously enough, we switched roles this time. Just as I supported her after her broke off engagement, she encouraged me to come to my senses, and leave this relationship that felt so awful to me. My brother didn't pick his words so carefully. He mentioned things like "kick her out" and he used a different word instead of "her". Truth to be told, he never liked Zsuzsi, as he considered her a "chewing gum" girl - his words - which made the things even worse between Zsuzsi, and the much more important people in my life. The icing on the cake was, Sanyi knew that well Zsuzsi was just a rebound for me, so he considered staying with her even more stupid.

We'd been together for almost half a year when I finally made up my mind, but I still didn't have the backbone to break up with her decently. I just started to be my real self, hoping she'd fed up with metal chick Fanny quickly, and break up with me. Maybe it would've been better for my conscience if she was the one who steps out of the relationship. Maybe I wanted her to have it her way, to be on the higher ground, cause I was well aware how awful I've been with her. Doesn't matter, because it didn't work. I refused all her invites to the cultural events she liked but I didn't, I started going to concerts again that she hated, even had a pair of new tattoos made, while I knew well she wasn't comfortable that I have any so much that she even looked up numbers of tattoo removal places. After a time I started to do things even I hated, just to piss her off, but nothing worked. We argued a lot, she threatened me with leaving several times, if I didn't change, but she never did.

Then I gave up. After I was trying to make her leave for a month or so without any result, I stood in front of her, and told, we shouldn't continue like that. That was my most honest action in our entire relationship, also was exactly the one that angered her the most. If I said our break up wasn't among the nicest ones, that would be like calling Hitler an unpleasant man. As it had been predictable, she yelled at me, but I was ready for that. It also didn't surprise me, that she threw things at me angrily when I brought her the stuff she left at my place, and I was prepared to not get back my stuff intact, which also proved to be true. Some of the things she called me were even worse than what I thought about myself at the moment, and given that I considered myself a heartless bitch who played the other's feeling to get herself together, that says a lot.

The only thing I wasn't prepared for that she'd take our issues to our workplace which was exactly what she did. If our relationship would have been a secret before, the day after our break up it wasn't anymore. At first, they talked about it behind my back, but after Zsuzsi came into my office and threw a huge scene there in front of four witnesses, nobody felt the need to be discreet about it anymore. I did my best to calmly bear her offenses, and despite my intention, it just made everything worse for Zsuzsi. I've been already much more popular than her, and the way she handled the breakup, just convinced them about it even more. Despite it - or exactly because of it, I don't know - she found a reason to publically disgrace me every week, and that slowly made me hate myself even more, than I did during our relationship. That was the first, and only time when Sanyi told me he wished I was straight, because he would have put a guy in hospital for that kind of behavior.