To all of the people who self harm you are not alone

Dont end it

Tears began to roll down her cheeks.
"You stabbed me a hundred times, then you acted like you were the one bleeding." She shook her head and looked down before meeting his gaze again. "And the worst part of it all was that people were helping you, while I was bleeding to death." She stared at her feet, waiting for him to say anything in his defense but there was only silence.
She looked up, her eyes drowning in tears as she lets out a laugh. Her laugh once made him feel like everything was beautiful; in this moment it sent a shiver down his spine. Slowly their eyes met and he flinched from what he saw in hers, so much disgust filled them and it chilled him to his core. She choked back a sob, for just a second the mask fell off and he wanted to run to her and hold her in his arms. She coughed once before uttering four words.
"Now... I feel nothing." She turned around and walked away as silent tears continued down her face.
"I tried to make this work and so did you but what you are not getting into your head is that sometimes, we all try and try to make things better but... some stories just don't have happy endings."
"I get that, but you think you were trying? I was the one pretended not to notice when you calls became less frequent and even when they stopped all together. I was the one who pretended I liked how you treated me, how more secretive you became around me. I was the one who pretended not to care when you told me what happened between you and Lexi. I was the one who pretended to not care when we ended the first, second, third, fourth, fifth time..." I stopped to compose myself, never would I have thought I would end up scream crying in an IKEA with my boyfriend and his new girlfriend. "You dot know how much I want you to just stop.
"I am so sorry Jenna." He said as he began to cry.
"Yeah I know. You always are. People tell me that you're the crazy one for breaking up with me but I am honestly going insane because time this happens, we happen, it always ends the same way... and it's not even you coming back... it's me letting you in."
"Jenna, I must admit I did want us to work out this time, but life doesn't always work that way."
"You see, you said this time, couples and people who are in love don't have a this time. You told me you would always be there for me. But every time I was sitting alone in my room, crying for someone to comfort and hug me, you were always the one who caused my tears. So I only have one question, when you said you would be there, did you forget that you can't protect me from yourself?"
"You can't actually think that I didn't have any feelings for you. You were my first love."
"No I wasn't Kane. Your first love isn't the first person you give your heart to... it's the first person you give the power to break it. And that sure as hell wasn't me, cause I didn't do a single thing to you."
"Look I'm sorry okay? I still love you but we are toxic for each other. I think it's best if we just move on and stay friends-"
"You just don't get it, do you? I can't just move on and be a stranger to you. Friends don't have our kind of love and when I love someone like I love you I can't just move on." Tears streamed down my face as the guy I just called "my one and only" took my heart and shattered it. If he loved me, he wouldn't have hurt me so bad.
I walked inside my house and slammed the door in his face. I scooted down the door as I began to sob. Forget love, I thought to myself as I sat on the hardwood floor. I ran up to my room and closed my door. I looked around and found the one box that always seemed to make me feel better and worse at the same time. I picked up the blade and cried, you are almost ten months clean, the scars are going away, why are you doing this? I thought to myself. "Because it makes me feel good." I said. I suddenly remembered when my dad got me this. "Only for emergencies." He said, the week before he left. And the first "emergency" I needed it for.
I put the tip of the blade on my skin and it felt cold and hard as it dug into my skin. I saw the first drop of blood and threw the blade across the room before collapsing onto my bed. I grabbed my hair in frustration and squirmed on my bed screaming and sobbing, "What is wrong with me?"
My mom walked into my room and saw the bloodstained sheets. She immediately ran over to me and held me in her arms as she began to cry too.
"Listen to me baby, okay? I'm not mad at you but please, please remember these words, I tell my patients this all the time and I would've told you these if I had known what was going on. Your skin isn't paper, don't cut it... your face isn't a mask, don't cover it... your body isn't a book, don't judge it... your life isn't a movie, don't end it." She continued to hold me as we both cried on my bed. "I know it's easier said than done but I love you and I will help you."
After that there was only silence.