*Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait and extremely short chapter. I wish I could say that I see a lot of writing time in the forseeable future, but that isn't how it's looking. This will be a rough year with school, but I promise, I haven't forgotten about Syd. <3
Baby Lemonade:
It was days like today that were the most difficult. Days where the skies never brightened and the rain never ceased its droning patter on the cold, iron fences that scowled along the street.
Jen used to love rainy days. She’d dance through the puddles, not caring what anyone thought about her.
“What are you doing? You’re going to catch a cold!” I said, clinging to the umbrella.
“Don’t be daft. That’s something mothers say to stop you from tracking in mud. Don’t you see? Water is life... and rebirth. It’s a new beginning for all of everything.”
“It’s cold.”
“Roger.” She said, grabbing my free hand. Her eyes held mine. “Dance with me. C’mon, put the umbrella down.”
We were sixteen. I remember how beautiful she looked in the pouring rain that day, a smile as wide as the oceans, no makeup, no hair products…it was just Jen.
And we danced, forgetting about the people on the street shooting us daggers for eyes. After all, they were just jealous because they weren’t as happy as we were. Jenny grabbed my arms and pressed her forehead against mind so that our noses just met. She looked at me and I could see that this was where my life was going. It didn’t matter whether I was a lawyer, a painter, and architect… homeless. As long as Jen and I were together, I was happy.
“Syd, you’re shaking. Let’s get inside.”
Maybe if I stand outside long enough the rain will consume me. Cleanse me, let me begin again. Back to before the bi-weekly appointments with Sam that brought me down instead of helping me up.
Sam had helped me to realize what I had already known deep down for some time: that my presence was toxic to her, to Jen. Even thinking those words makes my heart ache. How could I ever have let myself get to a place so detrimental to the ones I love the most? I was told time heals all wounds. Whoever said that must never have truly loved and lost someone the way I had with Jen.
A wave of exhaustion swept over me. I can’t get Jen back, but I can sleep and forget, or maybe if I’m lucky, I can sleep and remember. Dream.
