A lot of shit went down last November. Apparently, I'm not comfortable with my relatives staying over for one month. Anyways, I discovered loads of shit that I don't like and I'm not okay with. I argued a lot. I opened up to someone distant and now we're awkward. At least I am, toward him.
Okay, so I was emotionally unstable. But that doesn't excuse what I did, unfortunately.
Btw, these are thoughts from like half an hour ago. Cause I couldn't tear my ears away from my downloaded music. I'm too lazy to even bother my parents with the simple request of helping me get a Spotify premium account. So what do I do when I'm riding in a car and I'm bored out if my mind? I download music from YouTube. Because of that, I can't close Youtube if I want to continue listening to the music, or it will get cut off. And Mariya Takeuchi is like, AWESOME, ok?
So back to the topic, I did something stupid. I thought I was comfortable about it at first. But it evolved into this huge gulf of guilt in my heart. And I keep thinking about it. My mind was messed up, I couldn't think straight. I cut off ties with one of my two best friends at the moment, ONLINE. Ikr, that's such a dick move.
She didn't believe it at first cause like it was out of the blue. And it happened in the middle of our holidays, so there was nothing she could have done to annoy me recently. I wouldn't have gone this far anyway. However, I left the conversation like that and we didn't communicate for two months.
Suddenly, in mid-January, she approached me. She sent me a picture from Instagram on WhatsApp. It was one of those posts about name aesthetics. My name's Angelina, btw.
I should have apologised then, and made up with her. But I didn't.
Can you believe me?
I can't.
And now I'm too afraid, terrified even, of communicating with her. I'm sorry, really sorry to her. I've been the worst friend, ever. I didn't consider her feelings. I don't have the balls to actually apologise to her. Sure, obviously, our relationship already had experienced various ups and downs. But it was I, who had abruptly given up on our relationship. I feel horrible and I regret my actions.
I don't know what to do. Life's been a bitch lately and I can't handle this. I have no one to blame but myself. I feel empty all over. I hate this situation I've put myself in.Hopefully, I'll wake up sometime soon. Or someone can slap me awake, I'd appreciate that.I'm not even sure whether I should publish this, but I'm gonna do it anyway.
Bye!
