Just One Day

Part 6: Go to Hell

Sunday, 9 A.M

BTS Group Whatsapp

RM: Yo! You guys, management has given us another day off. I guess they think we need it. Well, I know I do! Anyway, I think I'm going to catch up on my sleep today! See you guys later!

RM: @V:If you come knocking on my door, I will kill you!

RM to Taehyung

RM: BTW, Jimin isn't feeling well. Do NOT disturb him or I WILL kill you.

V: What's wrong with Jimin? He needs my cuddles.

RM: Tae, I'm NOT joking. I will destroy you!

V: You and whose army?

RM: !!!

V: 🤣🤣🤣

RM to Jin

RM: Just give Jimin some space today, OK?

Jin: Oh ... sure.

RM: Don't forget, he doesn't want the others to know anything.

Jin: I'm not totally stupid, you know.

RM: ...

JM: 💀

RM to Jungkook

RM: Jimin isn't feeling well. Just let him sleep and keep it down with Tae.

JK: Awww, poor Jimin. Did he watch too much porn yesterday. I thought it was suspicious he didn't wanna go with us. Probably sprained his wrist.

RM: 🙄

RM to J-Hope

RM: Jimin isn't feeling well. He's sleeping. Do NOT disturb.

J-Hope: I will brighten his day, don't worry.

RM: He wants to be alone, Hobi.

J-Hope: Awww.

RM: Can you not be a pest?

J-Hope: 🥰

J-Hope: OK, OK, be calm!

RM to Jimin

RM: Hey, Jiminie. You OK? Look, you don't have to talk to me or anyone, OK? Just know that I'm here if you need anything. Like if you're hungry. I'll bring you food so you don't have to see anyone. Unless you want to, of course. Oh, btw, Yoongi asked me to pass you a note. He's gone out to see friends. He says it's important for you to read his message? About some project you two are working on? I've put the note under your door.

Jimin: Typing

Jimin: Typing

Jimin: Typing

No ... nothing he said sounded right. He didn't know what to say. Fuck it. He was just going to NOT say anything. He was going to lie in bed and rot. He wasn't even going to read fucking Yoongi's fucking note the fucking coward. Project his ass! Why couldn't he have just texted? Because he didn't want to have to deal with immediate replies, that's why! Fuck him! That's why he hadn't come talked things through. Instead he was off seeing ... friends? Fuck his friends!

Jimin lay on his stomach and pressed his face into his pillow. He felt the tears come. Amazing that he still had tears. 'Fuck you, Min Yoongi. I'm not going to read your stupid note, you bloody lying excuse for a friend. I bet it's full of insincere sorry's and fucked up excuses. You're a fucking bastard. You can go die. I will never speak to you again unless I have to for the band. I will never trust you again. I will never--' Jimin's tears were at full flow now.

'Y--Yoo--Yoong--iiiiii,' Jimin sobbed. Yoongi hyung. His best friend. His comfort. His hope. What was he going to do without his company, without the conspiratorial smiles; the fleeting touch of his fingers; the hugs that meant more than just friendship, so much more?

Jimin flipped over and eyed the floor -- there was the note, in a bright yellow envelope. Well, it could sit there and be unopened. He turned his back on the door, on Yoongi's words. He was never going to be happy. Ever again.

***

Sunday, 4 A.M

Dearest Jimin. My Jimin. My angel. My world.

You know when you sing Serendipity, it always feels like you're singing my song. I don't mean that the song is for me, about how you feel about me. I feel like Serendipity is about the way I feel about you. When I first heard it I felt ... exposed. I couldn't believe that my feelings were so well understood.

Joon wrote the lyrics and I was embarrassed how well he read me. I remember thinking, 'Well, I guess he knows how I feel. I guess he's read my expressions and actions and reactions correctly.' One day, I'm going to talk to him and ask him if it's just a coincidence that he got so close to the truth ...

Jimin ... I love you. Please believe me. I mean, we're all close and I genuinely care about every member of our group. We all clown around and hug and stuff. But you and me ... those fans who analyse our every move, they've not been imagining things, have they? I couldn't hide my love and desire for you even I tried. And they're right about my sulking and jealousy too. These people see everything so clearly ... and it makes me happy, but it makes me scared too because I admit I have held back with you. I've always told myself that I don't care if people see the truth, but I've not been truthful, to myself, to you, to anyone.

I didn't plan any of it yesterday. It was all you ... because you're brave and honest. You opened the door and me? I was just burning up with lust and it was so easy to give in to it. So, I walked through the door. I just forgot myself. I forgot my rules about us. Yes, I have rules about us. I won't tell you what they are, but there is a line I've not allowed myself not to cross. However, I crossed it yesterday.

I don't regret it. Not at all. I mean, OMG, you have no idea what a relief it was to be able to say 'I love you' and not turn it into a joke, or some game. To say it and to be able to kiss your smiling mouth. OMG. I want to do it again. I want to, Jimin. Please believe me.

But ... I also want to be honest with you. I'm scared out of my mind now. I don't know what to do. I didn't think what my actions would mean. I loved you without thinking. I only felt. And I was irresponsible. I made you cry, I made you sad. I hate myself for that. But I'm still scared. I still don't know what to do.

I know I should come talk to you and we should figure things out together. I am so sorry, baby. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to hate me. I have abandoned you. I am a cowardly piece of shit. No excuses. I just need time. I need to clear my head. I need to think and work this out.

Forgive me. I am going to ask RM to give this to you. I am going to go out and I'm asking you not to contact me. I will be back this evening and I promise we will talk then. Face to face. I promise.

I also promise to have some answers by then. Please grant me this time and space to figure out my next move. Whatever it is, I guarantee I will not turn my back on my angel. I can't wait to kiss you again, Jimin.

Yours forever, Yoongi ❤️❤️❤️

***

Sunday, 11:30 A.M

I will NOT read his stupid note.'

Jimin tore the yellow envelope in half and then tore each half and the paper inside it into tiny pieces. Tiny, tiny pieces. The tinier the better. Soon, his bedroom floor was littered with bits of bright yellow and white.

'Go to hell, Min Yoongi.'