A House on Eden

9. Convalescence

"Jessie!"

He had slept through the night but this was the fifth time he called me that morning. I left the sofa and walked into the bedroom. He was trying to sit up, propping himself with the pillows.

"Jessie, get me a beer," he said hoarsely.

"No," I said softly, the doctor said no alcohol while you're on these pain meds. "

"Fuck 'em," he snarled. "By the way, these painkillers are the bomb, honey. I would like a whole shit load of them."

"You must eat something," I said. You need to get your strength up. What can you eat?"

"Bacon and eggs," he said.

"Bacon and eggs it is," I said, and went back into the kitchen. I heard him leave the bed, stumble toward the bathroom, flush the toilet and return to bed. I brought him his breakfast.

"Seems I have a good wife after all," he mumbled with a full mouth. "Knows her place, yes sir. Just like old times. How about some of this magic? I feel a lot better." He pointed at his groin.

"Maybe later," I said, "when you're feeling stronger."

"Okay," he mumbled. It sounded surprisingly compliant. He finished his breakfast, rolled over on his right side, and promptly fell asleep. I went to the kitchen and rinsed the dishes.

In the afternoon I heard him sobbing, deep heaves of pain and anguish. I hurried to the bedroom and he was curled into himself like a child, his body shaking with each sob.

"Bruce?" I said softly. "What is happening to you?"

I climbed on the bed and held him in my arms. I whispered to him.

"My daddy used to take me out into the wood shed," he said. His voice was high and twisted. "He used to yank down my pants and take off his belt and whack my behind with it. One time he hit me fifty times. In the upstairs bathroom was a full length mirror and I looked at myself in it and saw every color of the rainbow on my bare skin."

He sobbed again, softer this time. He reached for my hand, found it and held on.

"I'm very sorry he did that," I said. "He should not have done that. It was very wrong."

"He said it would make me strong like a man," he said softly. "He wasn't wrong about that. Make love to me, Jessie, I need it."

"No," I said.

"Don't you love me?" He said.

"Every time you slapped my face I loved you less," I said. "Every time you kicked me in my belly I loved you less. Every time you slammed into a wall I loved you less. Until there was no love left, Bruce, until there was only hate."

"Of course you love me," he grinned, sitting up. "It's just that it has been a while. I haven't been attentive, sensitive to your needs."

He reached out with his right arm and jammed his hand between my legs. "

"You want some sugar?" He smiled. "Daddy give you some sugar, yes sir." And then he was on me, and then my body betrayed me by responding.

Afterward we lay on our backs, our skin wet from perspiration. I smelled the scent of him on my belly, the strange pungent smell like oysters.

"This is how it should be," he purred, 'you and me. No crazy ideas about moving out or leaving, no sir. Just the two of us, Jess."

Then he was asleep and I got up from the bed and showered him from my body.