So it's been a while. I haven't been feeling super happy lately and I feel like it's getting worse. I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday for a physical. So I got it done and I was told that have to get psychiatric therapy. I have been feeling super suicidal. I want to go to therapy but I feel like my mom doesn't want to take me at all. Whenever I talk to her she kinda gives me this look like if shes mad at me and tells me that she going to be taking me but she never does. I was once home alone and I was watching TV and then my neck and shoulder started to hurt and I remembered that I hadn't taken my pain medication yet. So I went over to the counter and grabbed the bottle. When i opened it I accidentally took out more pills than what i needed to take. And I thought about taking them all in one go but I stopped myself because I thought about my mom and how disappointed she would be in me if I took those pills. I also thought about my dad and how he would feel guilty for saying the things that he said. How he would feel guilty for not speaking to me for a long time. The last thing that he said to me before he stopped talking to me was "look at you crying, your so stupid. You're an idiot dont talk to me. I dont want to talk to you ever again." That sting. But I still decided to put the pills away. I'm sorry if you're reading this and you're very triggered. That's just life.
