Starstruck *Matt Smith* (Editing)

Chapter 12

Rain. It rolls down the window pane of Matt's car. 

I haven't talked to him all day because of his executive decision for me to see a therapist. I guess you could say I'm really "pist". Haha. I made a funny.

I've refused to tell him anything about my nightmares for the last week. And I haven't talked to him because of it.

We pull in, and I unbuckle my seatbelt. He leans in to kiss me, but I pull away. Knowing the pain of rejection, I can feel his pain right now.

Matt takes my hand, though I try to pull away. "Matt-" I protest, breaking the silence at last.

"I love you, okay?" He says.

"What?" 

"I meant it. I really did. When I called you, when I held you all those nights." He kisses my forehead.

"I-I" My voice faulters as the rest of my body pulls me from the car.

Could I be falling out of love?

I wipe the tear away that's forming in my eye as I head into the building. Checking in, my voice is called almost right away.

"Ms. Clark? Dr. Andrea is ready for you."

Dr. Andrea is actually very pretty. I shake her hand when I enter the office. "Hello, Miss Clark, I'm Dr. Andy." She says. Her dark hair is in waves.

"Hi," I say shyly.

"Do you maybe want to take a seat on the couch?" She gestures toward the black loveseat positioned in the middle of the room. I take a seat. "Now, tell me exactly everything that happened five months ago. Every detail."

I sigh. Five months? Five months on Doctor Who, five months with Matt.

I chuckle. "Where do I begin? I auditioned for Doctor Who five months ago."

"Okay. Anything stressful, exciting, romantic, happen after that?" she presses.

"I went through a relationship and a breakup." I say. "If that matters."

I tell her everything, top to bottom. From the bar, to the hospital, to the breakup.

"So these nightmares..." she writes down things in her notebook. "They've been happening for two months?"

"Three," I correct her.

"Now, what is the scariest dream you remember?" She asks.

Thinking hard, I remember a dream from a month ago. Matt shot me repeatedly. And Stacy. Mom and Dad, too.

I explain the whole thing.

"Stella, I've come to the conclusion that you have Borderline Personality Disorder."

"What?"

"You may feel...different. Like you aren't happy with how your life is going, or you want to hurt yourself." She pulls out a piece of paper and writes down some things. "I recommend not driving, no sexual interaction, and no medication unless it's a regular dose prescribed by your Doctor."

"Okay," I say, taking it all in. 

"Thank you for seeing me today," she adds, putting her hand on my shoulder.

Matt picks me up from the office. I rush into his arms as soon as I see him.

"Hey," he chuckles slightly, holding me. I bury my face in his shoulder and cry. "What's wrong?" He releases me and presses our foreheads together. He wipes my tears with his thumb.

"B-borderline," I whimper.

Matt speaks to Dr. Andy for a couple of minutes. When we get home, Matt makes me a cup of tea.

"Wow," he says.

I drink my tea, wanting to shrivel up and die.

"You know what?" He says, standing up and taking our tea. "Go change. We're going to do something fun today."

I giggle and run upstairs. I put on my nice jeans and sweater and an infinity scarf, pulling my hair into a messy bun.

"Where are we going?" I ask Matt when we get into the car for the third time today.

"The park," he responds gleefully.

Arriving at the park, Matt buys us both coffees and some weird pastry that's really delicious. He looks nice today. He's wearing a leather jacket and a pair of jeans.

We both sit on the swings, talking, laughing, doing whatever. But then I turn to look at him. He's so beautiful. When I'm with him, I feel like a different person. Not dumb Stella. Happy, cheerful Stella. And I always want to be like this.

Forever and Always.

I look at him again. He sees me staring, and raises an almost invisible eyebrow. I feel like I'm seventeen. And this is supposed to be some horrible, messed up life, and then I meet him and he makes everything okay. And I know, life isn't some cliche love story, where everyone has a bad day, and oblivion's inevitable. But Love... that's something no one - not even Ricky- can destroy.

Not thinking, not conscious, but knowing that I wanted to do it; I grabbed Matthew Robert Smith's jacket collar, and pulled him close to me as I hit his lips with mine.

And yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable, and strangely easy to mistake for loathing.

But love:

Love is Infinite.

And I'm completely starstruck by it.