UnMuted (Sequel to Mute)

*7*

I was selectively quiet on the ride back home. Aunt Clara was on the phone with her job, so she paid me little mind. The moment after I parted from her in that store stuck on repeat in my head.

One detail that stood out was that she named our son after my brother; the only man I trusted in my life. Despite the fact Ariana knew very little about my past, I let it be known that Julio was the most important besides my mother.

So, knowing that made my heart both flutter and ache.

But I think it hurts more knowing that she's with the same guy that tormented me back at Rydell all those years ago. And he's still the same, calling me by my old nickname that I despise so much.

Why does she let him around my son?

Hell, I would've been happier if she was with Fish; but then, she'd be raising him as well as JJ.

I never realized how much I still cared for the smaller woman. I guess seeing her after so long brought that back up. A part of me liked how we still acted as if we were still 15, in the dark corners of Rydell Foster Care, sharing my earbuds.

Now, she was never my girlfriend; I didn't want her getting too close to me. Though, I did have love for her. I wanted to love her, but thanks to my fucked up life, I couldn't because I never knew what real love was.

Now that I do, that love I wanted to give now belongs to someone that I can't see myself without.

Another detail enters my head.

If I remember right, Ariana is a year younger than me. I'm turning 19 soon, but she's still 17. And Blake was one of the older kids at Rydell. The "System" kids. Meaning in less than a year or two, they're legally out of the system.

Making him at least 21.

When we get home, I help unload the car and put up the groceries. Aunt Clara tells me that she has an emergency at work and kisses my forehead before leaving.

After I was done putting everything away, I go back to my room, kicking off my shoes.

Just then, my phone vibrates in my pocket and I dig it out, smiling a bit at the message.

Hope you got home ok

I text back, saying I did. I decided against asking to meet up sometime with JJ so that I could at least get to know him a little bit. I doubt it was a good idea.

Maybe I'll ask Ally or one of the girls.

Wait, I'd have to tell all of them that I have a kid first. Fuck, how would Goddess react? Would she dump me? Slap me? Call me stupid before leaving me?

I don't think I could handle that. Not with my still messed up mental state.

That's good. It was really good to see u. I've missed you

A small smile touches my face as I reply.

Same. We've got catching up to do, Big

I hit send before I could analyze what I just did.

I practically said I wanted to see her again. Which I do, but I'm incredibly hesitant.

Mainly because she's from my past, a past the girls don't know too much about. But they're gonna know soon.

———

"I wanna ask you something," Mr. Endez says, peering at me thoughtfully through his glasses. I shrug indifferently. "What's happiness to you?" I scoff quietly, though I know he heard it.

"Really? That's a dumbass question, dontcha think?" He shrugs, "But it's valid. What makes you happy or sparks an inkling of joy in you?" I look down at my lap, playing with the drawstrings of my hoodie.

"Writing, I guess?" I mumble. "Good. What do you write about?" I glance up at him, "Things you wouldn't understand, Mr. E.," I say coldly. "Try me," he says and I shake my head.

"You don't get it," I glare at him. "No one does. Not even the fuckers that did it or the people that knew it was happening and ain't do a damn thing about it. Not Ms. Frieda, not a single adult in this building, especially not you. Just because you're a counselor doesn't mean you automatically got it."

"And that's why we're here, Y/N. I want to understand. I want to know how you're feeling and what you think about." I laugh bitterly, "Fuck, not even Ari cares about that shit. I struggle alone."

"You didn't like being on suicide watch, did you?" I scoff, "Hell no. Shit got on my nerves. I wanted to fight the guy."

"Why are you so angry?" I pause, staring at the older man with fire coursing through me slowly. "Why am I so angry?" I repeat through my teeth.

"Maybe it's because my family's dead and I'm stuck here. Fighting the same guy every weak because he told the whole fucking world 'Hey, the freak tried to kill itself!' I have people staring and whispering about me everytime I enter a damn room and for what?! Oh, but there's so much more that makes me angry, Mr. E. This is the most I'm talking," I finalize before exiting his office.

———

"Hey, you okay?" Lauren says, plopping down beside me. I jump a bit, being that I didn't even hear her come in. "H-Hey, Laur," I greet with a half smile. "What's up? You were staring out in space," she giggles a bit.

I shrug, looking down at my lap. "Y/N, are you okay?" Her tone soft and caring. I look at her and took a deep breath. "C-Call the girls... over here. I got s-s... something to t-tell you all."