Coming Out...My Journey

Sixth Grade

At the start of sixth grade I was a shy and anxious little gay. I once again didn't expect much. But once I got settled it, it was smooth sailing from then on. And that lasted 2 days. One of the teachers got mad at some kid for disruption the class and yelled fairly loudly. So my little anxious ass was scared outta it's mind. And it did eventually get better. And quite frankly I could finally say I was happy. But then, the teacher made us do a socialization exercise. We had to stand in a circle and shake each other's hand. So as you could tell I was super nervous thinking I'd say something wrong or do something that offends someone. It was going well until I was face to face with the girl I then hated. Laney. Every since we broke up I didn't talk to her much. You're probably wondering why we broke up. We broke up because she decided to peer pressure me into doing something I didn't want to do. And you can't blame me for hating her for that. Anyway Laney was far away from me and I had to shake hands with other people I barley knew for another 10-15 minutes. After that we had to play a game of charades to tell what we did over summer break. As you could tell I had no idea what the hell to do. Since all I did was go to Niagara falls. Luckily I was wearing a Niagara falls sweatshirt. So I just pointed to it. Everyone got it immediately and shouted "Niagara falls!" And was super relived that my turn was over. In the first few weeks it was pretty boring. Nothing really happened. And usually there would be something very suspenseful and makes the story awesome but legit nothing happened for a good month. Then we enter a few months before Halloween. I had gotten a new girlfriend. Let's call her Kate. She was so was so sweet and caring even though she'd never admit it. It lasted about 3 weeks. She broke up with me beacause she never likes me. We didn't talk for a couple of weeks. (We are gucci now, if you were wondering) a few months later and I got sucked into something I never should've. She was a bitch. Let's call her Emily. Emily said she liked me. I didn't think anything of it because honestly I didn't care. But after a while I realized I kinda might like her. Of course word spread like the black death and she found out. I was nervous since people were shipping is and kinda pushing us together. And honestly I wasn't comfortable with it. I tried to get them to stop, but they didn't. I had Snapchat at the time. We mainly talked over that. She eventually started getting a little weird with what she was saying. Started calling me "hot" and stuff like that. Again, I wasn't comfortable. She didn't seem to notice. My mom didn't want me talking to her (I should've listened) but I did anyway. Eventually I didn't know what else to do so I said I never liked her. And this over dramatic bitch said she would "commit suicide" beacause I didn't love her. Like, bitch what the hell?? Soooo, spring break ended and I had to go back to hel- I mean school. I had to deal with her bullshit while trying to remain sane. (It wasn't working) so I ended up emotionally shutting down for 2 days yayy. After that things calmed down a bit. Until one morning I was talking with my best friend Anna. (Hope you remember her) Anna was telling me that Emily now liked her. I was shocked since I thought she would tell me since we were sort of close. (Emily lovesss telling people that she likes/is in a relationship with someone) I had made up many reasons as why she would go after my best friend. And eventually they got together. Me and my friend, let's call her Sam. Sam and I went to warn Anna of the consequences of dating Emily. But, being the stubborn girl she is she didn't listen. Slowly but surely Anna drifted away from me. To the part where she didn't want to be friends anymore. I knew exactly what Emily was doing. She wanted to get back at me. So, she got one of the most important people to hate me. And it sure as hell worked. I contemplated suicide a lot. I wrote a paragraph of pros and cons. I was realllllly close too. But, I remembered all the other people. And I knew eventually they would break up. So I put the gun down and ate ramen noodles (my comfort food) and was on edge a lot for the next month or two. Things did eventually get better. Anna and Emily were having problems. (Not like that, I felt bad. But this means Emily would back the hell up from me) after a long while they finally broke up. And a few days after I asked Anna how it happened. She said that Emily got jealous beacause Anna was talking to someone on tik tok. Turns out they were really close friend and lost touch. (I'm kinda clingy and I wouldn't even do that)  Anna had enough. And she and I both knew I was right. But, she wouldn't admit it. Sixth grade ended soon after and I have a lot of regrets. But I think next year will be great. (Key word "think") let's see how my anxiety gets in the way.