My name is Terry Smith. That's Detective to you, if you're an ass... and, today, I probably think you are, so hedge your bets. You see, my partner and I have been assigned a case that I feel is Batman Hell and I am forced to be a very poor Bruce Way...
Monday mornin' I woke in my own bed without a headache. Thank the Lord! My relief was palpable. I did my mornin' thing, then remembered that I didn't have a way to work. Just as I pulled my phone out to call up a Lyft or Uber or anyone who could take me, I got a text from Danny. He was outside.
He is the best partner a detective could have, I thought. I should buy him flowers.
I threw my tie around my neck and headed out the door. When I climbed, and I mean climbed, into the Hummer, Danny asked, "You had coffee yet?"
"The appropriate question should be, 'Do you want more coffee?'" I countered.
He laughed and we pulled into Starbucks. I'm surprised the damned Hummer fit, but apparently, Starbucks had forethought about the kinds of vehicles they wished their customers drove.
I tied my tie; I'm pretty good with a double windsor, I must say. It's too bad that I would probably dunk it in said coffee.
"You still like half-n-half and two sugars?"
"Yep, classic cream and sugar. Don't need any of the fancy stuff. Get me a couple of those Bantam Bagels, too."
"Oh, good choice," Danny said, orderin' two for himself. He had to lean way out and down in order to make the transaction. I imagined the car behind us either thought it was funny or pretentious. It didn't matter; Danny was a good guy.
Of course, the first bite I took, squirted goo out the back of that damned bagel and it landed on my tie. I sighed.
"Did you get an update about your car?" he asked me, settlin' the coffee in the cupholder that he, or his wife, had had installed as part of the fancy wood grain package. Damned Hummer was nice, I had to admit.
I was a sweetheart and wrapped his bagel in a napkin so it wouldn't skirt on his nice suit. Which, of course, wasn't lookin' at all wrinkled.
"Not a peep," I answered. "I assume since you asked, you haven't heard anythin' either."
"Nope. Maybe there's report on one of our desks."
"Maybe. And maybe they'll be done with it soon and let me have it back."
We wove through traffic as best we could. I noticed that there were two kinds of drivers when it came to the Hummer. The first kind didn't budge an inch. "Hit me, mother fucker!" was written on their faces. Danny usually waved. The second kind got the hell out of the way. Danny waved at them, too, but less sarcastically. He was a wavin' kind of guy.
At last, we made the station. Again, I was amazed that Danny's Hummer fit. But, we did have to follow the ramp for the police vehicles; he got to park in one of the extra spots where a Hummer wouldn't be crowded.
"How'd you rate this spot?" I asked.
"Sizable donation," was all he said. I wondered how sizable.
We made it to our desks just in time. Granted, we were salaried and so had a little leeway of a few minutes here and there, but the Lieutenant regularly kept everyone on their toes. Plus, we knew that, with the Jester case bein' active, she'd be watchin' us.
As Danny predicted, there was a report on his desk. Nothin' was found in the car that might help identify the Jester. No fibers, no fingerprints, nothin' that wasn't me. But, then, I was expectin' that, now wasn't I?
I feigned surprise. "You mean to tell me this guy drove from my house over to the business district and left nothin'?"
"Apparently so. But, then again, he was wearing a mask and gloves. But, also, maybe they didn't look so thoroughly. I mean, it's not like it's a murder case."
I began to wonder where I'd stashed the decorated bolt cutters and pry bar. I'd have to search the house again. Maybe in the shed out back? Sue liked to garden and our little tiny plot of land had a little tiny shed on it. Not much bigger than a portapotty, really, but it smelled better.
The other file on Danny's desk basically said the the traffic cam surveillance was inconclusive; nothin' stood out to identify the Jester there, either. I was relieved. I was gettin' away with this, for now.
Out of the blue, a headache began. I got dizzy and sat heavily in my chair, holdin' my temples.
"Terry, you ok?" Danny asked, concerned, naturally.
"Oh, man, I've been havin' these headaches lately, right? And yesterday, I got super dizzy."
"You need to go to the doctor, Terry."
"Yeah. I'll call as soon as I can see straight."
It took about ten minutes, some aspirin, and more caffeine to ward off the headache and get my vision back enough to see my phone. I called and made an appointment with my doctor; she was able to fit me in the next day. Then, I wandered down to the Lieutenant's office to let her know.
"Smith!" she said, when I walked into her office. She was doin' paperwork, as usual, listenin' to some kind of New Age Spa music.
"Hey, Boss," I said, "I need to head to the doctor's tomorrow mornin'. Just lettin' you know."
"Well, thanks for that," she said sarcastically.
"Aw, don't be that way, Boss. This is important," I told her what had been goin' on. She finally agreed that it was a good thing for me to go. Not that she'd have stopped me, only that she'd have complained.
"Maybe they'll scan that nogging of yours at last," she smiled, "find out what wrong with you. We laughed and she waved me out of her office.
I headed back to my desk. I tried not to be worried, but how could I not be? Maybe it was just a normal migraine type thing. Or maybe not.
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