OUT (Girl X Girl)

Chapter Twenty One: The Bow

I’ve never thought about my future for more than a few months in advance. There was no need to. The last thirteen years my life has consisted of school, counting down the days until the next break, going on numerous auditions, and occasionally booking a cereal commercial. In comparison to all of the gigs I have booked, I have done a lot of cereal commercials. Apparently, Amelia Elliot loves sending me to cereal commercial auditions because I have done a total of twelve cereal commercials and they were all different types of cereal. I only had to think about each specific type of cereal for about a month and then I could forget about it because my parents are health freaks and wouldn’t let me go near sugary boxed bull shit unless I was paid for it.

Now one half of the super hippy duo has squirmed into my head and now I’m thinking further than a few months into my future. And it scares the shit out of me.

What if Heather wants to leave me because my father scared her away?

What if I fuck up my life by getting blacklisted from Hollywood?

What if Hollywood cracks me and I turn to crack to consul myself?

“For the love of God will you please stop pacing,” Heather says in an annoyed tone. “I came over to have a nice time with my girlfriend, not watch her make a hole in the floor.”

I stop in my place and roughly rub my face with my hands. I would love to just chill out with Heather and do nothing but I can not. All I can do is think and worry about shit that won’t matter for another ten years.

Heather pats the spot next to her on my bed and I oblige. I could never say no to her.

“Now that your feet have settled down do you want to tell me why you are a panicked mess?” Heather says with a worried expression.

I shake my head and look at my hands, “It’s nothing important.”

Heather lifts my chin so I’m forced to look into her bright green eyes, “There is obviously something wrong. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“What do you want for your future? Like, what do you really want?”

Heather smiles and her green eyes begin to twinkle, “Well, I want you to be there if that is what your asking but I also want a family. Two girls, Vivian and Rose. And one boy, Sebastian. I don’t think I want to drive one of those awful mom vans or prep snacks for soccer practice but I will if it makes them happy. I also don’t want to get sucked into the suburbs with organic yoga moms but I want a house with a yard so they can run around and play. Oh and I want a dog. A big one and not one of those yapping purse dogs. They’re the worst.”

I chuckle, “You’ve thought about this a lot.”

She shrugs, “I didn’t start thinking about this until we started dating. You’re the first person I’ve considered having a future with.”

“Really?” I ask burying my head in her shoulder and wrapping my arms around her waist.

Heather pulls me closer towards her, “Really. What do you want? For the future?”

What do I want? I know I want a family and what Heather described sounds perfect. Three kids and a dog. Heather seems like the perfect mother. She is kind and sweet and generous and loving, but will put her foot down when the time comes. She also knows exactly what to do in situations that stump the average person and she makes me feel grounded. Every time I feel like I’m losing my mind or I’m going to float away, she’s right there to bring me back to earth.

Heather is utterly amazing in every sort of way and I can’t think of anyone better to raise a family and  spend the rest of my life with.

“I know you don’t want to get married anytime soon,” I begin, “and I don’t think I’m ready to tie the knot yet, but I do want to get married one day. The whole dog and baby thing sounds perfect. I’ll handle the bake sales and soccer snacks as long as you handle the carpools and sleepovers. It sounds like a shit ton of work but spending the rest of my life with you and the family we’ll build together is completely worth it.”