My Secret to Keep

Miss You

Starling

Daylight was fading when Starling woke up from her nap. Her head throbbed, and her mouth was dry. She had to slide her tongue between her lips to pry them apart, and she picked off the sticky, white film that had formed while she slept. Sulking, she hopped out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash her face. 

Gillian Shaw probably wakes up looking like a goddess.

Twisting the knob on the faucet to cold, she splashed water across her face like she was in a skin commercial, hoping the movement held some sort of magic power. It didn't. When she finished, the puffiness was gone from her eyes, but her cheeks were bright pink and her shirt was soaked. Two new pimples had taken up residency- one on her forehead near her hairline, and the other in the crease of her nose. They weren't quite ready to pop, so she slathered on acne cream.

While sleeping, she'd missed three messages from Hanna, one asking if she wanted to see a movie later. She dropped the phone on her bed without responding and walked over to her window. The world outside was slowly winding down. Monday was inevitable, but many were making the most of their last hours of freedom. Parents hovered in open doorways, watching their children laugh and run.

Starling looked at the porch. From here, she could see the backs of Nana and Griffin as they sat on the porch swing. Every now and then, her grandmother would lift a gnarled hand and pat Griffin on the shoulder. He leaned into the touch until at last his head rested on Nana's shoulder.

Sundays were supposed to be a day of rest. They were supposed to start with worship and end with family. But alone in her room watching her brother and grandmother bond, she felt the day had failed on both points. Peace was absent from her soul, and she felt more isolated than ever.

Nana's words on the ride home kept spinning through head, creating a web that tangled with Griffin's questions. She'd spent years hardening her heart against her brother to protect herself, and his betrayal made it easy. Now, in one afternoon, everything had been twisted. She was the guilty party, and Griffin was the victim.

Starling shook her head. Maybe they were right. Maybe she needed to move past her brother's success and quit blaming him for her failures. Only... she didn't know how she could forgive him for the event that drove her to abandon her life in L.A.  A good person wouldn't have done something like that, but maybe Nana was right. There was nothing too big to overcome if you loved someone. There was no excuse for the behavior, but she believed in a God who taught that forgiveness had no limit. Who was she to deny her brother that gift?

Besides, she wasn't so innocent, was she? She'd fallen into the trap set for her because she'd been so desperate to be a part of Griffin's world. Whatever it takes had been her motto, and she'd willingly crossed a line. Even worse, when her brother asked her if she would've turned down the record deal if he'd been excluded, her first thought had been no.

Downstairs the squeak of the screen door opening was followed by the slap of it against the frame as it slammed shut. Not an angry slam. No matter how softly they tried to shut the old door, it still made a racket. She bolted from her bed, tugging on shorts and shoes before racing out the door and down the stairs, almost knocking her grandmother over in the process.

"Sorry, Nana," she called out without stopping. "Griffin wait!"

Her brother froze near the mailbox and turned slowly. His hands were shoved in his pockets, and there was a wistful twist to his expression as he watched her approach. Starling crossed her arms over her waist and said nothing. What had seemed so important up in her room now seemed impossible to say.

"What do you want Star?"

Old habits were hard to kick, and the irritation in his voice stirred her ire. Taking a moment to tamp it down so her next words weren't tainted by it, she drew in a deep breath and said, "I wanted to apologize."