The Fangirl Next Door - h.s

Chapter 25: a fucking fan

We both put clothes on quietly, both of us knowing the shit show that was to come in a few short minutes. Before Harry retrieved Aaron from the hall I pulled him right back to me.
    "Are you mad at me?" I ask skeptically, afraid of the answer.
    "You didn't do anything wrong, frankly neither of us did. We shouldn't be patronized because we're a couple who kissed in public." He looks down at the floor, and not to me, which hurts a bit, because I know he's hurting.
    "We're not a couple though, not to them. To them you're dating Heather, and I thought no one would see us, nor care if they did, but I was wrong." I mumble, feeling dumb.
    "Just know this isn't your fault. Whatever he says to you, it's not you that caused this, if anything it's him." He nods to the door and walks to open it, revealing Aaron, who is tapping his foot angrily on the other side. He storms in and slams the door, leaving Harry and I standing by each other. We share a glance and he sighs and shakes his head, putting his hand on my back to lead me towards the angry hobbit. I cross my arms as we approach him.
    "You." He points to Harry. "You never fucking listen to a goddamn word I say, and I'm sick of it because shit like this happens." He motions to his phone then tosses it on the bed. "Your stupid actions have consequences! They have a price, and I have to pay it!" He starts to pace and then he turns around quickly, sticking a finger right in my face. "And you!  You've been nothing but a fucking problem since you shoved yourself into his life, you pathetic little-" I interrupt quickly.
    "Watch your mouth or I'll be sending photos out by the end of the hour." I speak in a calm low voice and he laughs at me, causing me to tilt my head in confusion.
    "I could not give two fucks about that picture anymore, post away, you and your friend can't blackmail me anymore. He's already been caught cheating!" He points right at Harry who is uncomfortably silent. "So if she's caught cheating as a retaliation no one will say a word, she's a model, she's heartbroken, whatever story I make up will stick, and the only part of me in that picture is my ass, so even if you told them it was me, there's no way of proving that. You're little scheme is over Layla." He's close to me, blowing up bigger as time passes.
    "Aaron, calm down, we can fix this, no need to be so heated." Harry puts his hand forward, trying to cool him down, all he does is push Harry's hand away.
    "You don't leave these hotel rooms, you stay put, you don't put a toe outside, and if you do, it's to get straight into a car and go to a show, that is all you do. If you don't comply I will send you on a flight back to your shabby run down you call a home in seconds. Don't fucking try me Linda. You fuck this up anymore, you mess with his career, and I will mess with yours, if that's even what you call it." His words spit in my direction, and he's close until Harry pushes his chest back.
    "You can't keep her cooped up in a damn hotel room for the rest of the tour Aaron, she's not an animal." He stands in front of me.
    "Could have had me fooled, I thought she was a little pest this entire time." His voice is dripping with sarcasm, but my body is flooded with ice, I don't know how to react to this information, what the hell could this mean for Harry and I?
    "Watch your mouth. She will go out, we won't be seen together, not again. She isn't staying cooped up in here, I won't let that go down. You're a horrible person, but I know you have a small heart in there, don't be so cruel." Harry lowers his voice, he's just trying to bring the level of this conversation down, that's all he's been doing since it started.
    "If she causes any more trouble her career is over, do you both understand me?" He moves past Harry, extending his pointed finger at me. I nod and Harry watches me, sighing and nodding along with me. Harry walks Aaron to the door and once he comes back he tries to come in for a hug but I move myself out of the way, heading straight for my things on the bed, reaching for them and putting them in my suitcase.
    "Lucky, what are you doing? Come here, please?" He asks, standing in the same spot I left him in.
    "Sorry, I'm just packing up, we leave soon, and I wouldn't want anyone to catch us, don't want to lose my job, I don't want to hurt your reputation, or Heather's ego, better keep my fucking distance." I mutter, my words cutting more and more with every one that slips out.
    "Lucy that's not fair, we were both at fault. You can't put all of this on me." He steps forward, obviously wanting us to be close.
    "It is though, because this-" I motion between the two of us. "Shouldn't hurt the way it does Harry. I should be able to hold your fucking hand, and kiss you whenever and wherever I want, because that's what couples do, that's what people who love each other do. They also fight for each other, and it feels like that's all I've been doing this entire relationship. I fought Aaron for you because you couldn't, fought Heather, I fought my fucking self! I flew all the way out to another continent to make this work, I have fought everything for us, and you haven't." I find myself standing on the opposite side of the bed, my suitcase packed, ready to go to the next place with him, contemplating if I even should at this point.
    "You don't think I fought myself on this Lucy! You don't think I tossed and turned, worried about what would come of me dating someone like you!" He blows, anger spilling over, a side I hardly ever see from him.
    "Someone like me? Someone like what Harry, someone fucking normal? Oh were you worried I'd ruin your image to your rich friends? What happened to being so obsessed with your little piece of normal, your fucking normal. Normal this, normal that, I'm your normal! This is what you claimed to want!" I throw my hands up.
    "Yes someone like you! A fucking fan Lucy! You're a fan!" He screams now, shaking his hands at me. My face turns cold and hard and I turn without another word. That was the reason I didn't want to pursue him, the one thing that I feared him finding out about me, and he has always made me feel okay about it, he made me feel good about it, he told me not to be ashamed of it, but here he is, throwing it in my face. I go to the elevator, moving straight for the car, and I see Carter sitting there, waiting. I know they've got another driver, I've just never met him before, so I choose Carter for now, the other boys, Aaron, and Heather can pile in together, and they better not say a damn word, if it were up to me I'd ride with them.
    I make my way to the airport, not stopping for anything, nor anyone, making my way straight to the terminal. I wait straight at the gate, staring right at the attendant, waiting for her to call for the flight so I can go right on. There's commotion right behind me, and I turn to see One Direction themselves, walking to the same terminal. I turn my back to all of them, giving Aaron exactly what he wants. I am irritated at the thought of the fact that Harry hasn't even texted me, not once since I walked out. I could be on a flight back to the states right now, but I'm not, I'm dumb enough to follow him to another part of the world, because I'm a helpless fool. I can't think straight half the time as it is, but when I'm around him it's like all my senses are thrown right out of the window.
    "Now boarding flight 462." I hand her my ticket right as her words finish, not knowing what could be going on behind me. I walk through the doors, and straight to my first class seat, never have flown first class before I'm excited. That is until I see a certain curly haired man walking onto the plane, putting his things overhead right next to me. I angle my body away, looking towards the window, not wanting to make this more awkward than it already is. Not wanting to piss Aaron off any more than I already have. Time continues to pass, and eventually we're flying, and without thought I glance at him, noticing a pen and paper in his hand, just as it was the other night. I turn away before he can notice my gaze, not putting much thought to the note he's scribbling, closing my eyes for the flight, resting as much as my body will let me, knowing my mind will never be at rest.

LETTER TO LUCKY// FOUR

    This is more of a mess than I could have ever imagined, and though you're still my Lucky, I'm not feeling so Lucky right now. Every word you said back in that hotel room was very true. We shouldn't have to hide away, and I shouldn't have to hide you, I should never have to hide you because you're worthy of being shown off. You're a prize, a beautiful woman, and I haven't shown you that, and it's unacceptable. I was worried you'd be gone, and just as I pulled my phone out to text you, call you, ask you to please come back, come talk to me, Liam swatted me and pointed you out to me. There you were, effortlessly beautiful, standing at the gate, waiting for us, yet another thing I don't deserve from you Lucky.
    I'm not an angry man, I try to keep a level head, I try to be as kind as I can, and I try not to let my emotions take over. Today I went against all of it, saying something to you I knew hurt, I never said it with intention of hurting you, but as soon as I said it, as soon as I saw your face, I knew how badly it hurt. You are a fan, but you're my fan Lucky, and I have never had a problem with that, I did get in my head after Aaron got upset the first time, but never did I doubt you because you're so much more than just another fan, or just another girl. You're an angel if I've ever seen one, and I know it's true from the way you constantly forgive me, from the beauty of your voice, and the glow that surrounds you at all time. You're my angel, even if we're not an us one day, you will always be my angel.
    I know you, and I knew you wouldn't come with us, follow us to another location if you weren't willing to try to fix this. I'm not sure why you'd want to, I'm an idiot at times, this time being another one to add to the list, but whatever made you choose to stay I will forever be thankful for.
Lucky, someone like you is so rare, because not only are you incredibly beautiful and kind, but you're the closest thing to perfection I think I'll ever find. I know exactly what you'd be doing if you ever read this, you'd be rolling your eyes, but I don't lie. Lucky, you're crazy, but it makes you who you are, the little ticks you have, and the way you speak, the way you carry yourself, just a subtle flip of your hair, it's enough to drive any man mad, and I'm the one who's here, I'm the one who has you, and I have taken every bit of it for granted. I know what Aaron said, he said that there was no sightings of us, no trouble between the two of us, nothing from you, but I will do everything in my power to make this tour the best few months of your life. You will not regret this choice you made, I will fix this, it will stay fixed, and I'll make you happy, as happy as you can be, because I love you, you're my Lucky charm.
- All The Love, H.