(not-so) workaholic | seulrene

two - life can turn quickly

(Ps this is one hell of a rollercoaster chapter haha I haven't edited it yet and I'm sorry in adavance if this is a lil sh*tty ;wrote this at one night)

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"Ah— I'm so exhuasted," I said after letting out a deep sigh, stretching my arms as I finally entered my small yet adequate apartment. I was walking absent-mindedly that I didn't realized I was already sitting at my old daffodil colored couch. My  black stiletto compelled to my excruciating feet, as it falls back lightly down to the ground.

I allowed my dark and tired eyes to observe my room, and that's when it finally hit me; everything is all over the place. The dishes are stagnant in the sink and left unwashed, blanket crumpled and the bed sheet was loose that you could see the mattress, as if was saying "hello" to me. There are a lot of things to mention, but it'll take forever if I'll go on and on.

"This is too much , I'll just clean this tomorrow," I said. Not very typical of me. I do want to fix everything up, to clean all the mess I've made, but my body says otherwise. Being fixated in work made me forget about the life I hold outside it. Yet again, what can I do? Without work, I wouldn't afford having a life outside it. If ever I'm living. Is this how am I supposed to live?

It's hilarious how life can turn quickly— Back when I was a student, I used to aggravate my parents by impulsively buying "pretty but useless" things that I fancied much, and will always fancy those type of things. God, if only I have the spare money to buy. At first, the thought of living alone fascinated me—the freedom you'll have, the ability to somehow do anything you want , it does make me jubilant at some point. However, life would be easy if it's only like that, and of course, life shouldn't be easy, as far as I know.

Everything is all up to me. What should I eat tomorrow? How much is my electricity bills? When should I pay for it? Gosh, I ran out of food, again? Things like that. It just stresses me out, knowing that I have little amount of money.

I shaked my head, "Forget about it, Joohyun. You're stressing out over nothing real. Be happy, okay?"

Instead, I checked out my social media accounts on my phone to at least try to distract my lifeless, obscure self. What a great option to uplift the mood. Expectantly, all of the posts I saw were my colleagues hanging out with people outside work; mostly their friends, some their other halves.

"Wow, all of my co-workers are out there living their life and spending time with their friends..." I smiled bitterly. I'm deeply envious of how they can have a blissful life once they step outside our workplace. "Joohyun... Why are you socially awkward?"

It's not that I need others to be genuinely happy— I just, couldn't make myself be happy. I don't know what I want, thanks to my indescisive self. Heck, I couldn't even decide which drink I should opt for. Now that I'm thinking of it, I remembered a bittersweet  memory back in middle school...

"Yah~ Joohyunie, what's your dream job?" Jennie asked.

I was too caught up in the question that I couldn't give a concrete answer. I haven't gave a thing or two about it, you know. What do I want?

"Hey~ Jennie's asking you~" Joy waved her hand in front of me, showing her big innocent smile, alongside her hair that recently got short and bangs that matches her. I scratched my short hair, "Er... I really haven't thought about it," I awkwardly smile, "How about you guys?"