I'd like to know how you've been
I would like to see you just once more again
Have you met anyone new?
How have things been for you?
I want to text you but I know I shouldn't
I want to hear you say those words you've said multiple times before
I wish I can tell you how much you meant to me
Things aren't the same
The days are hard and put me through so much pain
I wish I could tell you "I love you" and "I miss you"
But I can't
I wish you could see how much you've done to me
How much you hurt me
How all those words and thoughts that were put in your head were lies
How your are so stupid to believe them than me
How I was always going to be there for you
How I was going to listen to your words of advice
How I was not going to give up
How we were supposed to talk it through
I'm so so mad
I'm so mad at how you took things
I'm so mad that you made others thoughts and opinions affect us
I'm so mad you lied to me
I'm so mad I couldn't show you how much you truly meant to me
I'm so mad at the world, at everyone
I'm so mad at you
But i'm even more mad at myself
I'm so done with the world
I'm so done with the opinions and thoughts
I lost all care of what people think of me
My light has been taken
My eyes are covered with hatred and pain
My family tries to help but they only cause me to shut myself out
You, you were the one that was supposed to stay
All those things saying how i was the one that would leave you show to prove how much you've changed
All those promises, all that working on each other
All that never letting anyone get between us was gone to waste
All those dates and plans for our future
For OUR future
There's nothing, no speck of it
All that waiting you said you would do
All that supportiveness
The being here for me
Where is that
I see what you've been up too
I know what you've been doing
I shouldn't care because you don either
I should move on because you have already
I should love myself when you stopped doing it
But I can't
I can't because things you put in my head
My hopes are high and I look forward to seeing if you are in my future
I know you might be texting her
I know you might be playing with my emotions
It's been 4 days but it's felt like eternity
I knew it wasn't a week yet it didn't process through my head
I'm mad
I'm sad
I'm done
I try
I try so hard for everyone left that cares for me
I want to go out
I want to experience
I want to forget you
But why can't I
You're a lesson, an experience, a time of my laugh where I had my ups and downs
I wanted you to stay for longer
I feel used
So used
The anger was helping me move on from you
So why is it making me search you up more
Why am I doing this to myself
You have so many people there for you
Who do I have
I lost my friends because of you
You lost yours because of me
But they went back to you
And one went back to me
Where do I go now
Searching your feed and watching your follows
Seeing in your bio how hurt you are and how you are "waiting for the best"
You said you would wait for me
You aren't waiting for me
You were never going to
So I hope in the near future when you see me that you think to yourself "damn what did I do"
Because I'm sure as hell going to be over here doing me
I'm going to be loving myself and thriving
I'm going to work on myself for me
Not for you, although I would love to see your reaction to when you see me, but for me
Because I need that satisfaction
I need the feeling of comfort from me
I need the love that you couldn't give me
I need me
But at the end of the day I know I will go back to looking at you
In time my words will work
In time you will be my absolute past
And I will wait for that time
So how are you doing without me?
