Dear My Mental Illnesses

Numbness

I feel numb
But not in the way where snow gets in your gloves of through yours socks even when they're thick
Not in the way when you take an ice bath

I feel numb
In the way like I saw squirrel get run over
Except I'm the squirrel,
Knowing in its last breath that's they are in fact dying.

I feel numb
Like a time where the lights are going out but it's summer and it's only 10 am

I feel numb
Because it's like I'm taking shots that I've never had because it's 7 o clock somewhere but that somewhere isn't here and it's only 3:30

I feel numb
My mind is rushing but there are no thoughts
All there is the silence
But the silence is louder than any voices I hear and any demons I see

I feel numb
He's still there
Everything he did to me
Everything I let him do to me
I didn't want him doing that though

I feel numb
Like no one loves me
Because I'm the flower who is losing petals already but it's only may
And no one wants to pick me and put me in a vase.