Chapter 21
The day after Doug told Cathy they weren't going to happen, he felt free.
Free to love Bella with all her heart, free to defy this fucking system where they're forcing everyone to be with this one person their whole lives without having a say on it.
Free to just be Doug.
But, really, fuck this system... because three days after, his soul felt the 'loss' of his soulmate.
He feels it. He feels his soul grieving, and as much as he wants the feeling gone, it's there to stay.
He tries to distract himself; tries to play the guitar, read books, watch series, hangout with Elix and Bella, but deep down, he's grieving.
He's sad. Straight up sad that in the middle of a conversation he's just gonna give a long deep sigh and everyone will stop and look at him to ask what's going on, but he'll just say 'nothing, I just feel tired'.
He sees how worried Bella is for him because Bella knows him. Knows everything about him. Bella asks him what's wrong, but he can't say that his soul feels the loss of his soulmate, no. Bella's just gonna feel guilty, and it will make everything worse.
She fought for her, even hurt Cathy, and just because he's 'grieving' doesn't mean everything's going to get ruined.
A week after all the grieving... his soul goes to the next step and just straight up feels 'mad'.
He thinks his soul is mad because why is this guy separating his soul with her soul right?
But how can he talk to his soul... they're supposed to be one, but all this time they've been battling a silent battle between who gets to love whom.
Doug is fighting for Bella, his soul is fighting for her soulmate. Dayumn.
Doug is having a bad day. (A bad week actually) He's always mad, mad even at the little things. Everything annoys him, and he knows he's not like that but he can't help it.
But his turning point was probably this...
Doug was with Bella the other day. They just got off from school and decided to have dinner at the mall.
While at the mall...
"Bells, saan mo gusto kumain?" Doug asked Bella.
"Hmmm, I don't know. Ikaw ba?" Tanong pabalik ni Bella.
"Ikaw ang may sabi na gutom ka kaya gusto mo kumain, so ikaw na magdecide." Sagot ni Doug.
"Ehhhh pero saan ba? Saan mo gusto?"
Doug is starting to lose his patience. He's not normally like this, but when your soul is 'revolting' against you and tries everything to make you feel miserable for you to give up and give in to what it wants, you'll probably lose your patience too. Doug took a long deep breath.
"Fine, magbibigay ako choices na malapit so ikaw na magdecide" Umikot si Doug para magtingin kung ano sa mga restaurants na malapit sa kanila ang gusto kainan ni Bella. "So may Max's, Pepper Lunch, Tokyo Tokyo, Burger King, Wendy's, Mcdo and Jollibee. Saan?"
"Ehhhhhhh parang... wala na bang iba?"
And Doug lost it.
"May nakikita ka pa bang iba? Ayan na yun oh. Nasa harapan mo na. Bulag ka ba? Pucha pipili lang eh. Sobrang hirap ba? Kahit saan diyan oh, mabubusog ka din. Ikaw may sabi g gutom ka tapos hahanap ka lang nang kakainan hirap na hirap ka pa? Paano pa yung ibang walang makain ha? Naisip mo yun? My gosh, Bella. Tapos maghahanap ka nang iba pa? Ayan lang sila! Wag kang maghanap ng wala! Pwede ba?!? Pumili ka lang!!!"
Doug was shouting, and Bella was... she was stunned, and silent, and shocked, and hurt... and mad. And wow, what was that? Never pa siyang pinagsabihan ni Doug ng ganoon, never.
"You know what, I lost my appetite. I'm just gonna go home."
Lumakad papalayo si Bella, and Doug just cursed himself, cursed at his soul because what the fuck?? He's trying to ruin Doug, but now his soul is trying to ruin their relationship too! Doug hates it.
Hinabol niya si Bella.
"Bella! Bella wait, I'm really sorry! Bella—" Tumalikod bigla si Bella kaya nagkabunggo sila nang kaunti dahil tumatakbo si Doug papunta sa kanya.
"I'm sorry. It's just— alam mo naman how my soul is reacting to things right now lalo na dahil sa ginawa ko sa soulmate niya. I'm really sorry."
Tahimik lang si Bella doon. Hinihintay lang ni Doug na sigawan siya ni Bella or sampalin, o kahit suntukin niya pero hindi ginawa ni Bella yun.
"Stop blaming your soul for everything. You know the consequences of your choice. We know it. Alam natin na you're going to suffer because our bodies are wired to be with our soulmate. But we decided to fight it. But Doug..."
Tiningnan siya ni Bella, tears starting to form in her eyes.
"You're not like this Doug. I'm not mad dahil sinigawan mo ako, I'm mad because I thought you're going to fight this? You're not fighting it. Nagpapakain ka, Doug." Sa narinig niya medyo pumitik na naman si Doug.
"Tingin mo madali, Bella? Hindi! Ang hirap kalabanin ng sarili mong kaluluwa. Ang hirap kalabanin ng sarili mo. Hindi madali Bella."
"Hindi talaga madali, alam naman natin na hindi madali ah?! Pero nangako tayo na lalaban tayo."
"Easy for you to say, hindi mo pa naman nakikita soulmate mo eh, kaya hindi ka pa nahihirapan!!"
Doug knows he crossed a line. Alam niya how insecure Bella gets sa soulmate niya at sa soulmate ni Doug. Alam ni Doug na Bella's been fighting this insecurity mula noong nainlove siya kay Doug, and Doug knows he crossed a line by hitting her where it hurt the most.
"Wow, Doug.. just wow. I'm speechless."
Doug was going to reach out and apologize but Bella stepped back and shook her head.
"No. You don't get to say sorry now. You know... how hard everything is for me. Kahit hindi ko pa nakikita soulmate ko. But I'm trying Doug because I love you. I love you so much, I'm willing to go through hell for you."
Doug just wants to hug her because she can't see Bella like this, no, not like this. At siya ang may gawa nito kay Bella. All because he snapped.
"And I love you too much to know that this is ruining you. You're not like this Doug. I know you, and this... whatever we're doing... is eating you. You're losing yourself in the process, Doug. And I..." huminga nang malalim si Bella bago niya sabihin ang susunod na mga salita
"I love you too much to make you go through this. I love you too much, that I can't see you losing yourself for me. I love US too much that I won't let this ruin our friendship."
No, Bella no.
"But I said that I'm going to fight for you, and I'm going to fight with you... so I'm giving you a chance. But if I see you... losing yourself, and hurting yourself in the process. I'll let go, Doug. Because I love you too much, I don't care if I get hurt."
And Doug can't really say no, because she loves Bella too and he can't keep hurting her like this. No.
Damn, this stupid soulmate system. Damn it.
