A Life Without Me?

chapter 2

"y/n, thank god you're okay." matthew says as he runs and gives you a hug. the nurse walks out of the room saying that she'll be back in a half hour. you look at Matt with tears in your eyes asking why he saved you. as you say this matthew looks at you with his big brown eyes and starts to cry saying "oh y/n, i could never let you leave. i called your phone and texted you so much and you never answered. I already knew you were depressed and I knew you had thoughts of suicide but never knew you would go through with it. I knew something was wrong when you didn't text back or answer my calls, you always answer. y/n i couldn't let you leave with out you knowing..." Matthew stops talking. "knowing what Matt?" you ask. Matt starts crying even more and says "y/n, i just.... I just could never ever let you leave because I love you. every single day looking at you and seeing your smile I fall in love more." you start crying and in the back of your mind you wanna tell him you love him too. "Matt, hunny, i love you too. but how can I love someone when I can't even love myself?" he looks at you and smiles but looks at your arms and thighs and frowns. "baby.." Matt says "why? you're so beautiful.. please, please, please stop this.." he grabs your arms gently...

he kisses your arms not caring that it's a little gross. "can I see your thighs?" Matt asks. you nod your head slowly lifting up you hospital gown just enough to see some of the cuts. "oh baby, how was I so blind? how did I not know." he says crying more. "shh, matt it's okay. it's okay." you say to him. he looks and you and says "oh god it's not okay. baby, i saw you every single day. i talked to you everyday. i didn't have a clue. I didn't know that you did this to yourself! that's not okay. I could've helped." You look at him seeing the pain in his eyes, "oh hunny..," you say to him "I did this to myself. None of this is your fault at all. matthew... it's all my fault. i did this to myself. i love you. oh baby I loved you the first time i saw you sitting at the corner with those 10 boys. but matt, baby, I did this to myself. i didn't want you to find me.. I didn't want anyone to find me. I thought you'd all just forget about me. pretend I never existed, just like it already feels like." Matt interrupts you with a kiss. a long meaningful kiss. you look at him in shock. he traces his hand on your cheek telling you that he loves you so much. "I just wanna know why?" Matt says. "Oh Matt..." you begin to cry thinking of how to tell him. "I've been sad for a long time now...

you pause... thinking to yourself "he is so cute. you're making him cry. you are hurting the one you love.. just stop." you look at matt and cry. "babe," Matt says "babe... It's okay. I'll be okay. you can tell me. baby you can trust me." You hug Matt as tight as you can not wanting to let go but when you do he takes his hands wiping your cheeks and pulling your head gently leaning in for another kiss. you both close your eyes. the kiss seemed to last forever, but you didn't care. "matt, hunny, are you sure? are you sure that i should tell you? baby... I don't want to hurt you. i don't want you to feel bad for me.." you say to him. "y/n," Matt says "I can handle it. i need to know babe. i need to know what's going on in that gorgeous and beautiful mind of yours. Tell me, baby I wanna help" you look at him wanting to just jump off a bridge. "I'll tell you, but baby please lay with me." Matt lifts you up from the chair and carries you to the bed. you both lay down facing each other and Matt has his arms around you. he kisses you on the forehead. "okay, baby.. promise me you won't tell anyone.." you say to him. "oh y/n I would never tell anyone. i love you to much to do anything like that to you." he whispers into your ear. "okay..." you say and look into his eyes and realize you're about to cry. "Matt, i um... when I was 13 a man... um. i would always go to his house. he was my neighbor. i brought his pies my mom would make. he was really really nice. he was in his 30s and invited me in his house one day.. me, not thinking, went in his house." you started crying uncontrollably. matt hugs you and calms you down a little bit.