More than just surviving (A Clexa Story)

Chapter 1: Survival

Clarke's POV
"Life should about more than just surviving," thought Clarke as she walked further into the wilderness. She let out a bitter laugh and grimaced. "How ironic," she said out loud. The last time Clarke had thought about those exact words she had been saying it to Lexa. Immediately, Clarke closed off her mind. She would not and could not allow herself to think about Lexa. Not now. It was too soon. It had been almost three months since Clarke had left the aftermath of Mount Weather and Lexa's betrayal behind her. Clarke continued to walk further into the wilderness of the forest. A large part of her day consisted of walking, eating, sleeping, and followed by more walking. Walking was what Clarke did to take her mind off things. She missed her Mom and her friends so much, but she wasn't ready to go back. Seeing their faces every day after everything she had done to get them back was too much for her to cope with. So she chose to bear it so that they didn't have to.

Lexa's POV

Lexa had not been sleeping properly for near enough three months. She pined for the beautiful blonde haired girl with the eyes the color pf the ocean, who had stolen her heart. Tears filled Lexa's eyes as she thought about Clarke. She had not seen Clarke since that fateful day. Lexa desperately wanted to find Clarke so that she could explain her actions to her. She had never wanted to leave Clarke, but she had made the decision with her head and not her heart, because it was the only way to save her people. Being the Commander of the Trikru and of the 12 clans meant that the duty to protect her people came first. That meant sacrificing her possible happiness. Lexa knew that she would probably never see Clarke again despite her last words to her being "May we meet again." With that Lexa dried her eyes, put in place her mask and began focusing on busying herself with meetings, training her warriors as well as her own personal training, hunting and the re-building of TonDC in order to distract herself from her pain. During the day this usually worked well enough as Lexa hardly had a moment to herself. During the night well that was more of a problem to say the least. This was when Lexa was more or less left alone to deal with the emotions that she tries so hard not to show. When in Commander Mode she does not let her emotions show as it is considered weakness amongst her people.
Instead she creates a mask where she remains stoic. Even though Lexa often takes lovers to her bed, she still feels alone. As beautiful as the girls may be they are distractions nothing else. "They could never replace Clarke," sighed Lexa, because deep down in her veins Lexa knew that she loved Clarke, hell she was in love with her. "That doesn't matter anymore," thought Lexa. "She'll never forgive me," whispered Lexa under her breath.

Clarke's POV

It was one night while gazing into the fire that she had made that Clarke realized where she was truly headed. Her destination was Polis, the grounder capital. Clarke exhaled slowly the breath that she had been holding for some time. She couldn't remember even making the decision to go to Polis, but it made Clarke think back to when Lexa had asked to go with her to Polis just before going to war with Mount Weather. Lexa had said that it would change the way she thought about the Grounders. To which Clarke had replied, "You already have." That felt like a lifetime away to Clarke. Things were different now though. Lexa had betrayed her and she could not just forget that so easily. She needed to talk to Lexa in order to get some things off her chest, which meant going to Polis. As Clarke continued to stare into the fading embers of the fire she decided she would leave for Polis at first light. Although Clarke had no idea how she would get there as she did not have a map and only had a rough idea of how to get there. With that she put out the fire, went into her tent, closed her eyes and went to sleep. That night Clarke dreamt about Lexa and about seeing her again, which loomed ever so near.