More than just surviving (A Clexa Story)

Chapter 4: The Fallout

Moments passed and Lexa hadn't taken her eyes off Clarke once. She could not believe her eyes. How was it possible that Clarke was standing right in front of her. When Lexa had left Clarke standing alone at Mount Weather she had been sure that she would never see Clarke again. Now the blonde was standing right in front of her looking as spectacular as she remembered. Lexa was unsure of how to proceed. She wanted no needed to know how Clarke had gotten out of Mount Weather alive. However, Lexa wasn't sure that she deserved to know certainly not after what she had done. Lexa decided she wouldn't ask Clarke, but instead wait for the blonde to tell her herself.

"What brings you to Polis, Clarke?" asked Lexa. Clarke found herself feeling irritated. How could Lexa act as if nothing had happened. Lexa felt Clarke's stare bore into her soul as she replied harshly "Once upon a time you invited me to Polis. Or did you not actually mean what you said?" Lexa flinched at Clarke's words before regaining her composure. She looked at Clarke and replied calmly, "I did mean it Clarke," with as much emotion as she can convey. Clarke could see that Lexa meant what she said, but she was still too angry to care. "Well, I'm sorry, but your word doesn't mean anything to me anymore!" snapped Clarke.

Clarke's words were like a dagger to Lexa's heart. She had never seen the blonde this angry before. "You brought it on yourself, Lexa," thought Lexa. "Clarke, I understand that you're angry," stated Lexa. "Damn right I'm angry Lexa. We had an alliance! I trusted you, I cared about you, but you left me!" interrupted Clarke who was now close to tears. "Dammit Clarke! Do not let her see you like this. You cannot look weak in front of her," thought Clarke. Lexa hated seeing Clarke like this especially as it was her fault. She had to make her understand, but Lexa did not know how to. "Clarke leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I made the decision with my head and not my heart, because the duty to protect my people comes first. I didn't have a choice."

Lexa was desperate for Clarke to understand as she did not like the way she was looking at her. There was so much pain and anger in her eyes. Lexa wanted to pull Clarke into a tight embrace and to tell her that she was here for her. Lexa stayed where she was as she knew it was inappropriate to do so.

"There is always a choice, Lexa. You could have stayed to fight. Together we would have been stronger than them and then maybe I wouldn't have had to kill all those people. I killed them Lexa. All of them and I have to live with that for the rest of my life," choked Clarke. Lexa now knew how Clarke had defeated the Mountain Men and it was clear that she wasn't dealing with it. She wanted to help Clarke deal with her pain and what better than Lexa to do this. Lexa had felt her fair share of pain and had the blood of many on her hands. "Clarke if I had stayed I would have risked loosing many more of my people than I had already lost and I could not do this to my people. My people come first always," said Lexa softly.

"I get it Lexa your people come first, but what about me? I thought you cared about me. I thought we shared something that are kiss meant something." Clarke had begun to shout now. Lexa was beginning to feel herself getting angry. She didn't know why Clarke was making this so difficult for her. "I do care for you, Clarke and the kiss that we shared meant everything to me. My feelings for you are real Clarke. I was willing to wait until you were ready then and I still am. I however, do not need to defend my actions to you. I saved my people just like you did so you need to stop acting like you don't understand when you did the exact thing as I did," stated Lexa firmly. "Ok fine you're right Lexa. I do understand, because I killed everyone including the people that helped us in order to save my friends. It doesn't change the fact that you betrayed me all for your people. You're the Commander you should be able to make decisions for yourself I mean it's your life after all," sighed Clarke.

Lexa was beyond angry now. "I am not allowed a life, Clarke. I am the Commander my people own me. I have the lives of thousands on my conscience. Every decision I make is for my people. I am not allowed to do anything for myself. Do not delude yourself into thinking you know how I feel, because you do not know anything about me! The last time I did anything for myself was when I was with Costa, but I ended up getting her killed," growled Lexa.

Clarke had never seen Lexa this angry before and it scared her. She was visibly shaking with anger. Clarke didn't know what to do. Even though she was still angry with Lexa she felt guilty for making her this angry. Clarke had to fight the urge to hug Lexa. What was she thinking? This was so not the time. Clarke was so confused. She didn't know what was happening. She still felt anger towards the brunette for sure, but she realized that she still had feelings for Lexa no matter how hard she tried to ignore them. Clarke also realized that really she had forgiven Lexa several days ago, but was unwilling to admit it to herself. After all, Clarke knew that only Lexa would understand what she had been through. They were both leaders who had their own people to think about.

"Lexa, I..." Clarke wasn't sure what to say, but she knew she had to say something. "Get out," snarled Lexa. Ok now Clarke was angry. The brunette was trying to push her away and she wasn't going to let that happen. "No Lexa, you don't get to push me away, not again. I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to like it and I'm not forcing you to open up to me, but I need you to know that I'm here for you," said Clarke firmly.

Lexa wanted to argue with Clarke, but she no longer had the strength. She hated the way Clarke made her feel so weak. She was the Commander of her people and she couldn't afford to look weak in front of her people otherwise they would kill her. "Hodnes laik kwelnes," thought Lexa. Although due to Clarke she was coming to understand that maybe this wasn't the case. Lexa couldn't bring herself to say anything so she just nodded to Clarke instead.

Time passed and both girls had either moved nor broken eye contact as both were unsure of what to do. Lexa could feel her moth getting dry as she continued to look into Clarke's eyes. She could feel Clarke's stare deep within her soul. Lexa managed to focus her thoughts before eventually speaking. "You are weakness, Clarke," whispered Lexa.

Clarke knew that this was probably the closest you could get to a declaration of love from Lexa and it warmed her heart. Before she knew what she was doing Clarke reached for Lexa and began cupping the back of Lexa's neck with he back of her hand before leaning into kiss the brunette. The kiss was soft at first, but became increasingly more urgent. Clarke felt Lexa's tongue brushing her bottom lip in an attempt to gain access. Lexa was quickly granted access and thus began the battle of dominance.

Clarke felt the brunette bite down other bottom lip drawing blood and let out a loud moan. Lexa began kissing Clarke's neck as the blonde continued to moan. This time Lexa was the one to let out a moan as she Clarke began sucking on her collar bone. Lexa started to begin the process of removing Clarke's top when she felt the blonde pull back and gently lower her hands. "Lexa please don't be angry, but I'm just not ready yet. Would you please wait for me?" pleaded Clarke. "Of course Clarke. You are the only one I want. I will wait as long as you need," said Lexa softly.

Lexa felt Clarke pull her in for a tight embrace and was grateful for the close proximity between the two of them. "Stay with me tonight, Clarke." "Of course, Lexa." Without saying another word the two girls climbed into Lexa's bed and snuggled beneath the warm furs. Clarke felt the brunette snuggle into her and planted a kiss to Lexa's forehead. She immediately felt Lexa hum and let out a chuckle to herself. Clarke cuddled into Lexa and before long she felt the brunette begin to snore softly beside her. Clarke smiled to herself before falling into a peaceful sleep.