Lost (a NAMJIN fanfic)

/ n a m j o o n /

(I recommend you to listen  this while reading the story, you're welcome.)

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I sat groggily on my bed, our bed, bottles of alcohol litters on the floor. I drank so hard again last night. I just want the pain in my chest gone-- I just want myself gone. I don't have the reason to live anyway.

I stare blankly at the pink and gray walls of my bedroom, our bedroom. This used to be the happiest place on Earth. Just how ironic that this was also the place where I am destroying myself for the past months.

I was about to tear up and breakdown for the nth time again when my room door bursted open revealing my totally worried best friend, Yoongi. He snorted with all the mess in front of him. A disappointed but not surprised look on his pale face. It's been months -has it been five or six or seven? I lost count- since I become a shit like this. He would always barge in my house to check on me. Probably checking if I'm still alive.He handed me a glass of water and some pills then plops on the single pink couch on the corner of the room. His couch.

I stare at him and he got the sign, he stand up just to plop again, this time on the corner of my bed. I can feel his sadness and hesitation in something I can't pinpoint to. He sat still for a few minutes until he speak up.

"Dude. Drink that up. Listen to me and sober up for once." I just stared at nothing, my mind is still clouding that I can't concentrate on what he's saying. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. My head and heart hurts so bad. He may have not notice my struggle and continue speaking up. "We... I mean, I have a project coming up in three days and I can't leave you like this. I want my bestfriend, the old Kim Namjoon back. We already lost him, I don't want to lose you too. " He said, eyes watery. It's a sight to see a Min Yoongi, tearing up and Namjoon felt a sting on his broken heart harder. He already sent his bestfriend to freaking melancholia land with him.

"I'm so sorry, hyung." I speak up, throat burning with all the alcohol and tears I've spent.

He just looked at me and hugged me for a moment. He pat my head as he broke the hug. A physical touch after a long time felt nice, I actually felt alive for the moment but reality hits and it's not him. "Will you be okay? It will only be a week and I am back. How about we go fishing when I come back?" He said, a forced cheerful tone heaving in his voice. I just nod. I just don't want him to cancel his plans because of me. I've hold onto him for months already, I'm being selfish enough to drag him on my misery. He still have a life to live. He deserves it.

"I know how painful it is, Namjoon-ah. It is for me, too but it's been six months and you've never really get out of this house except for clubs. He won't like this for you. You'll surely hear a lot of nagging from him, don't you think?" He said while picking up all the bottles, putting it on an empty box. He even opened up the windows and a blindingly ray of sunshine bursted on the room. It reminds me of him-- on those every mornings we've been together. While he's a morning person, I am not and this is one of the habits of him that irritates me before -that I deeply miss right now-

"Hyung.." I start off, almost a whisper. My throat still stings, voice broken. "I want to go see him today. I won't do anything, I just want to see him... That's all... I missed him so much." Another sobs threaten to fall off me but I needed to be strong. Yoongi won't let me near him in a broken state.

I heard a sigh from him then I smiled a little. He smiled warmly and nodded. "Do you need me to drive you, then?" His voice is hinting a bit of worry but a wave of joy of knowing I'm taking the initiative to walk out of miserable life won in his thoughts.

I shake my head, "I'll take the bus. I'm bringing my camera with me, too. Maybe, I can recollect myself and work again with you after?" I said, bringing out all of my cards for him to trust me enough to go alone. It's been long and he deserves a break to gather his own sanity. Atleast someone has to be saved from this breakdown. He told me to take a bath while he made some breakfast for both of us.

I drink the hangover pills and chugged down the water straight down my burning throat. Yoongi is right. He will never like anything about this. I get up, swaying a bit as headache rushed on me. I gripped on the side table and cursed. Yoongi might heard from the kitchen 'cause he dashed off me still holding a spatula. I smiled. A genuine smile. If there's one thing I love in this world besides him, it's Yoongi-hyung. He's the brother I never had.

He mumbled some sweet curses on himself and told me to wait up. A few minutes later and he got breakfast on a tray with him. I hear my stomach growl a bit and I eat on silence while he look on me sipping his coffee.

"Namjoon-ah.." Yoongi said out of the blue that made me look up to him. "Just do not do anything stupid again, okay? I'll be late on my appointment so I have to get going." He said looking intently on me. I know he's afraid to let me off alone but trust me nonetheless. "And thank you for today. It means a lot that you're showing life again. Just know that hyung loves you, okay?" He debated on if he'll hug me again but did it anyway, he's really a softie. "See you later and we'll talk." He waved goodbye and exited out of my room. I heard him opening and closing my front door and his car moving away.

I sighed. I already made up my mind last night. It may be the heartbreak and alcohol's decision but I'll make sure that I'll see him today.

I got to shower and cleaned up myself. I stare at the unfamiliar face in my mirror. Worn out imprints of tiredness and numbness all over my  once always neat face. He'll not like this look so I shaved neatly and rinse out well. I wore blue short sleeved polo and khaki shorts and paired it up with sandals and black cap and sunglasses. I don't have anything to cover up my now ugly aura and I atleast have to be presentable to see him.

I wrote a note for Yoongi and put it neatly on top of my side table. He'll need it later. I then opened up the first drawer and picked up a small purple velvet box. This one, I'll need for later.

I went out and got in the car, his car. No one really allowed to let me drive before but it will do just fine. I just hope that everything will go fine and well so I won't have to hear any mad remarks from my hyungs. I put on some warm music on and drove away.

I'm not sure how long I've travelled to get in my destination. All I know is it's already past afternoon, sun is almost kissing the pink clouds above me. I walked out of the car and checked myself on the mirror for the nth time but the aura around me left me breathless. This is a beautiful place, flowers of blue, pink, white and yellow filled on rows. Under this wide cliff is where the land meets the sea, a calm clear emerald view that just so breathtaking. I just been here twice-- both didn't gave me a chance to look on how gorgeous the place is. This is almost a representation of him. Looks like he really chose a place to fit in his beauty. Breathing in the scent of the beautiful flowers around the area. This was almost paradise.

Almost.

I hold my camera and captured the beauty before me as I stand on the farthest corner of the cliff and a rush of cool wind of the sea welcomed me. His embrace.

I stare longingly in the distance, I can only think of one thing. It may be my heartbreak or the alcohol's decision but I need him back in my life.
I close my eyes and all I see is a purple haired beauty.

My bestfriend, lover, soulmate, my heart and all, Kim Seokjin.

I took one further step.

"I will see you again, my love. We will see each other again, my home." I whispered on the air and everything went black.

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fin.