Between Love and Hate (Year 2)

Past Excuses

The short ride back to Laura's apartment is filled with silence, and not because Laura hadn't tried to break it, but because Jenson refused to utter one word to her. She knows she shouldn't have said anything it just slipped out, enough of a comment for Jenson to put two and two together. He never was stupid. She reaches over and touches his leg when he parks the car and she sucks in her breath when he hurls her hand off him.

Laura follows behind him as he stalks ahead, refusing to look at her. She chews her lip nervously, that fear she had about him knowing was now raging through her and she could feel things playing out just like she imagined, and none of them included Jenson understanding.

The moment she closes the door behind them Jenson whirls around to stare at her, his eyes are dark with anger. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Laura leans on the door, firstly because she didn't want to be near Jenson when he looked like he might blow a fuse and secondly, he couldn't actually leave if she blocked the only exit. "I did tell you, because now you know."

"Don't be smart with me Laura," he warns. "And I'm not talking about the damn abortion, why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?!"

Laura twists the ends of her hair staring at him. "I was going to tell you, I just needed some time to sort my own head around things Jense."

"And you decided that you'd just get rid of it and not bother to consult with me?" Jenson was trembling with anger.

She licks her lips. "It was my decision," she tells him. "And I'd make the same one again."

Jenson's feet are stuck to the floor; he wasn't even able to comprehend anything. He was unable to find a reason that made sense as to why Laura hadn't spoken to him and then it hits him with perfect clarity and it's like someone punched him in the stomach.

Laura watches his emotions pass over his face and suddenly he was looking at her like he didn't even know her and her heart beat faster.

"It wasn't mine..."

Her eyes widen at the words that tumble from his lips. "What? How could you think that?!" She shouts at him. "How the fuck could you think that!?"

"You don't care about my opinion, if it wasn't mine that would make sense. Whose was it?" he demands. "I bet it was fucking Vettel's!"

"What is wrong with you? Laura screams at him. "I did not fuck around on you!"

"You fucked him last year; I know you dream about him. You mumble his name in your sleep all the goddamn time!" Jenson roars back at her.

Laura pushes herself off the door going over to him and she punches him, hard. Her fist connects with his jaw and he stumbles back in shock while her hand throbs with pain at the hard hit. "You fucking idiot!"

Jenson stares at her stunned rubbing his jaw as she cradles her hand. She was furious, he'd seen her mad before but not like this. He wanted to push the Vettel button more but he knew he was wrong the moment her hand slammed into his jaw. Apologising though... she wasn't getting that. Because why the hell would she not talk to him about this? How can she possibly think it's okay to not talk to him on this?

She's shaking, visibly as she tells him in a calmer voice, "I didn't tell you Jenson, because honestly you weren't the first thing that I thought about when I found it. The first thing that I thought of as I stared at that stupid plastic stick was if I could still make February testing. I didn't think of you, I didn't think of us; I thought of my damn career. And that if I had the baby that I wouldn't even be on the damn grid in March! I'd be kissing my career goodbye and you know what? I chose that over you and over the pregnancy. I love you Jenson, and you are my best friend but I would choose racing over anything. I didn't tell you because I'm selfish!"