Shattered

Chapter One- Your Reality

Apaipa always lost time. She'd blank out, then snap back to reality, like now. She looked around as reality slowly flooded her mind. She was sitting on her bed, pink quilt on her lap. Quilt? Where'd that come from? She noticed her pajamas matched the quilt. When did she did get changed? Or even get the pajamas? She looked at the open book in her hands and closed it. It was called "Lover From Tomorrow" with a cover of a strong, muscular man holding a disstressed damsel close by the hip about to kiss her. A gross, romantic novel. Apaipa would never read that. Yet she did, evidently. The book had been three-fourths of the way open, but she didn't remember a word. She could feel her brain work to remember, sputtering like a dying car. Why couldn't she remember? She sighed, defeated, and stood up. She wobbled, disoriented. She flailed to catch herself, which she did. She took a moment to adjust to her body then went to the book shelf. She stared at the glossy cover of the book in her hand that reflected the light from her window. She felt unreal. Like she was just a ghost. Or a doll in a dollhouse. Whenever she'd express this, people would just tell her "You'd know if you were." It was cryptically patronizing. What did they even mean by that? How would you know? If she was a ghost, people wouldn't talk to her, right? But what if we're all ghosts? And if she was a doll she'd see a child play with her, right? What if that's what happened when she lost time? She returned to plastic? She felt fake. So fake. Plastic. Object. Material. Like nothing she did mattered cause it wasn't-
She snapped back, still staring at that book. She put it back of the shelf, looking at all the books. They ranged from a story about kidnapping a murder to a children book about bunnies telling each other 'I love you'. Only a few of these book she actually remembered buying or receiving. She looked in the mirror beside her bookshelf and jumped. She saw a blonde-haired, short, petite, chubby girl which wasn't what she expected at all. But she looked longer. It was so pale, any lighter it would attract moths of the glow. The arms were full of straight lined scars, old and new. She only remember making a few. The only thing she associated with was the makeup. Think eyeliner, smokey eyes, dark red lipstick, and heavy highlighter. What she expected to see was something darker-skinned, taller, thinner, and more goth fashioned. She looked away from the mirror and plopped on her bed.
"What is happening to me .." Apaipa murmured, rubbing her face with her hands. Her eyes quickly filled with tears she hated to cry. It made her feel childish and weak. Vulnerable, and fragile. And yet, she could stop the tears from falling. She tried wiping them away but they just kept coming and rolling down.
"Don't cry, love..." Apaipa heard. She'd always heard voices too. Distinct voices. With different views and personalities. But unlike the typical hallucinations, these sounded more like thoughts of her own. Well, not really her thoughts, but someone else's. One she could control and didn't come from her. These voices would talk, comment, ramble, and rant as they pleased. But Apaipa never spoke to anyone about it in fear of judgement and misunderstanding. But the voice that just spoke was Luciana; the kind, elegant mother figure. She was wise and always calming to hear.
"Let 'er cry." Another voice said, in a thick, Aussie accent. Tilly, the fierce, spitfire big sister figure. Her voice was smooth but she was very blunt with everything.
"But she's crying!" Luciana said, worriedly.
"She needs to get it all out. She'll be fine. Just let 'er cry." Tilly said.
"Isn't there anything we can do?"
"'Fraid not. All we can do is let 'er cry."
Apaipa sobbed, emotions of confusion, frustration, fear, stress, self-hatred mixed with a sickening desire to go home depite being in her out house.
"I'm fine." Apaipa said, outloud.
"Obviously not," Tilly said "you're bloody cryin' 'cuz ya don't know what's going on with ya."
"I know I'm not okay! I don't need to be told and don't need to be patronized!" Apaipa snapped. She could feel Luciana and Tilly recoil. It only made Apaipa more upset. "Why do you back away when I show emotions?!"
"'Cuz they're so explosive, lovely," Tilly said, softer "Like coke and mentos."
"I'm sorry... I can't help it... I'm sorry..." Apaipa cried.
"Sh sh sh sh sh, it's okay... It's gonna be okay," Luciana said, soothingly. "We're here for you."
"Why are you even here..." Apaipa murmured.
"To protect you."
"Protect me from what?"
"The answer you cannot know."
Apaipa paused. What did that even mean? She hesitated before saying "O-okay..."
"We're here for ya." Tilly reassured.
"I just want to go home..." Apaipa teared up again.
"Then come home." Luciana said, simply.
"But I don't want to fade away..."
"It's okay, I'll take over."
"Okay..." Apaipa sighed, giving into the abyss, her thoughts, feelings, and soul falling into it, shattering and free falling before gathering and slamming into the ground of the innerworld.